jack_diddly Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Okay so here's the deal. It's long but please bear with me. We have been dating a little over ten months now and it was really great at first and we had no trouble, but more and more I'm finding out how insecure and clingy she is.Throughout my entire relationship with her I have done everything I could to be the best I could be to her but it has always seemed like it wasn't good enough, I gave her love notes, flowers, and all that and I was always was good to her. She wants me to be with her all day everyday and if i don't call her one day she will flip out on me. She seems to be constantly irritated by something or someone and more and more i find myself on pins and needles just trying to keep her from blowing up. She lots of times trys to manipulate me into doing stuff with her that I don't want to do and sometimes things that could get me in trouble. when I tell her I don't want to do whatever it is she will say "why can't you just do this one thing for me" or "i thought you would do anything for me" and she will say I'm being selfish. I just get the feeling that whatever i do she always wants more. She also makes me feel trapped in the relationship by saying things like: "your the only thing that makes me happy", "your my only escape from my ****ty life", "if I ever lost you I'd kill myself", she talks about us getting married and what she wants to name our kids. We are both 17 and I just really don't think its fair to put that kind of pressure on me when I first of all am not sure I want to be with her forever and second I'm not ready to even be thinking about that kind of stuff. Early on in the relationship she would do things that annoyed me, just little things and when I tried to talk to her about them she would freak out and be so offended and say stuff like "why does everyone want me to change who I am" "Nobody can ever just accept me for who I am and not want to make me different" just things like that like trying to turn it around on me and make it be like it was my fault for feeling a certain way about some of these little things. one example: she would yell at her mom on the phone in public and it embarrassed me, so I brought it up to her. and the response was the same as posted above. There are so many things that I am unhappy with in this relationship but lots of them I haven't talked to her about because of my experience in the past in trying to talk to her about them. On the other side of it when she has a problem with me she'll just come out with it and expect me to just hear it and change my behavior. an example of that. I wouldn't call her for a day or so because I was busy and she'd have a fit and say I am ignoring her and tell me to promise I wouldn't not call her. this is one of the main problems I have with her. She is so needy and insecure that she thinks she has to have me under her thumb or else I wont stay with her. We just recently had a big fight about this. I told her that it wasn't fair for her to expect me to have my entire world revolve around her. I told her that I can't be her entire life and still have a life of my own and she refused to hear what I was saying and again made it out to be my fault. also during the argument I told her that if she was so unhappy with how I was acting then why does she stay with me. This made her flip out really bad then she all of a sudden became really paranoid and was freaking out thinking I wanted her to break up with me and that's not what i was saying at all i was just trying to make a point. Basically I have been building up this resentment towards her because I can't have a discussion with her about what i am unhappy with without it getting turned on me and without her having a big emotional breakdown. The whole relationship now is just not healthy as you can obviously see by reading this. I am just not happy in the relationship anymore. I still care about her very much but I just don't want to be involved with her as her boyfriend anymore. As a result of not talking to her about a lot of the things I am upset with her about for fear of her reaction I am afraid that she has no idea that I am planning to break it off with her. We have though had a few argumentss about the controlling and manipulation that I feel is going on but there is so much more than that that I am unhappy with. I am very scared that if I break up with her that she will be suicidal and her entire world will fall apart. I am also scared that she isn't going to understand why I am doing it because of the lack of communication of my feelings. I am not going to deny that we have some great times and we laugh and stuff and have fun but these times just seem few and far between now and more and more i feel like Its not a give and take relationship, that she is just sucking me dry and I am not getting anything but nagging and frustration in return. She has no idea that I plan to break up with her and I have no idea about how I am going to do it or anything. I am very nervous about it all. I wish I could just tell her I'm done then just take off but I know it dosent work that way. (unless the chick is breaking up with the dude xP) anyway I know when I do it she is going to freak out like never before and I mostly afraid the she is going to beg me to try and make it work and reason with me but I have already pretty much made up my mind and I afraid that when she begs to try and make it work and I refuse that I am going to be made out to be the bad guy. I still really care about her and that makes it so much more difficult. I mean I still feel like I love her but I am just not in love with her anymore, and I mean that in the least cliche way as dumb as that sounds. I am just in need of some advice on what I should do. I know that I am going to have to go through one of the biggest cluster**** ****storms of my life to get through this. I am just really in a big mess.
pureinheart Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 First of all, you are very mature and insightful. Priddy much you said it all, you see all of the games. Dude, this poor girl has been hurt badly somewhere along the line, although it doesn't sound like you are the problem. It sounds to me like she needs some professional help....have you thought of, or can you go to her parents and explain the situation to them so that they are prepared when she threatens to kill herself? Even though the suicidal threats are manipulation, they must be taken seriously....one thing you might say is look, I am unable to be in this relationship any longer, if you feel you want to kill yourself then you need to go to a hospital, or tell her that you will tell her parents or someone for her own sake, although you are unable to be with her any longer. This is touchy situation, although I think you need to be sorta stern with her, letting her know that she cannot manipulate you. I think you are great to care this much, there needs to be more guys out there like you. I basically did this to my boy friend when I was your guys age....I screwed up bad, he was a good guy, I was just insecure. She was abused in some way, shape or form....it's not your fault and please remember that....GBU and good luck! Oh and by the way, you cannot fix her and I think you know that already....
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