Boundary Problem Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 I'm not sure what to do. I have a dear friend with an illness (bipolar). And his moods fluctuate rapidly each day. So I check on him daily, because sometimes he is suicidal and I worry about him. He seems to think that I want a relationship with him. And so rather than telling me how he is doing, he puts all the focus during our phone conversations about how our relationship is doing and when we've broken up etc. And I sit there wondering what planet he is on, because I don't recall seeing him for a long time, so how could we possibly be in a relationship. We live in different cities. So how do you communicate with someone who is bipolar, when they don't listen to the question being asked? I just find it really frustrating. He tells me in a smug voice that he dumped me and he's dating beautiful women and I'm genuinely happy for him. I really am. But he is so busy telling me how much he enjoyed dumping me, that he doesn't tell me how he is really doing. I really do worry and care about him. He seems to think he's broken my heart. If something happened to him, it would break my heart. I just find it hard communicating with him, through the illness. Underneath it all he is a great person. It is like the bipolar is a huge barking guard dog in the front yard, and when it isn't on a leash I can't even go up to the front door to ring the doorbell. That's what it feels like.
Author Boundary Problem Posted January 16, 2010 Author Posted January 16, 2010 I just have no idea what he is trying to say.
Author Boundary Problem Posted January 16, 2010 Author Posted January 16, 2010 Maybe it is me, but I just completely do not even undersand who did what or what the topic is. All I know is that he loves sex with women and won't give it up and he loves thinking we're dating and then dumping me and going on and on and on about how he's dumping me and all these other women he's dating. When all I want to do is chat with him and see how he is doing. It is like a complete communication breakdown. I've never seen anything like it before.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 I'm not sure hun, but this week I had to put some space between me and a friend as she expected me to talk with her tues night online while she killed herself, I got the emergency services out, all very traumatic and I am not equipped to deal with it. Sometimes people in a highly fragile state need more help than we can give them.
xoxo88 Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Oh come on that guy has a problem indeed, the illness, but bipolar disorder doesn't make you a loser like that. Telling you how much he enjoyed dumping you? Read about the illness and you'll see what it involves. Yes, he needs professional help because he is suicidal, which is a sign of how severe the disorder is. But treating you like trash is not part of the disorder. Why would you care about someone who treats you like that? Maybe you're not over him and that why you still "care" about him. Take your time and think about why you still want to be in touch with him.
DenverBachelor Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Maybe it is me, but I just completely do not even undersand who did what or what the topic is. All I know is that he loves sex with women and won't give it up and he loves thinking we're dating and then dumping me and going on and on and on about how he's dumping me and all these other women he's dating. When all I want to do is chat with him and see how he is doing. It is like a complete communication breakdown. I've never seen anything like it before. It sounds like he is misinterpreting your concern for him as some type of romantic interest? Perhaps you need to establish better boundaries, Boundary Problem. You care for him is admirable, but you'll have to decide based on his actions whether you should put some space between the two of you. I wouldn't back off completely right away if he is indeed suicidal, but he needs to get professional help if that is the case. You can only take friendship so far and you're under no obligation to do more. You aren't in a romantic relationship with him.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 She didn't say this was an ex boyfriend, so I'm assuming he isn't. Oh come on that guy has a problem indeed, the illness, but bipolar disorder doesn't make you a loser like that. Telling you how much he enjoyed dumping you? Read about the illness and you'll see what it involves. Yes, he needs professional help because he is suicidal, which is a sign of how severe the disorder is. But treating you like trash is not part of the disorder. Why would you care about someone who treats you like that? Maybe you're not over him and that why you still "care" about him. Take your time and think about why you still want to be in touch with him.
Crusoe Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 (edited) But treating you like trash is not part of the disorder. I am afraid it can be a very real part of the disorder. Boundary, I spent most of my twenties living with my ex who was Bipolar. I have gone through many messed up conversations like this with her, much worse too. I found the best thing to do was to just be patient, listen and be as noncommittal as possible. Not to agree with what she was saying but also not to try and force her see sense either. It is not easy, my ex would do and say anything to try and hurt me and it can be hard not to get sucked in. As to how to get someone like that to seek profressional help, I do not know, I never could with my ex during an episode. You will have to talk to an expert, they are the only people qualified to give advice on something like this Edited January 16, 2010 by Crusoe
sedgwick Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 So he's just a friend now, but you had a relationship at one time? And if so, what would possess you to speak to someone who gloats about dumping you?!?!
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