Married 6 months - a few issues

[Beldub]

I married my wife in August 2009. I had known her for three years and lived with her for 2. We live in her apartment in a nice part of town. She is a barrister/lawyer while I worked in IT. I just started a good new job but lost it when the company went bankrupt just before I got married. The economy in Ireland where I live is suffering very badly from the world recession and I am not alone in looking for a job. My father also died at the same time losing a battle against cancer. I switched jobs just as I agreed to the marriage as I thought I needed a bigger job if I was getting married - big mistake.

My wife was the one who pushed to get married. I love her very much but wanted to wait until my situation was more stable. However, as we are both 40 time isn’t on our side so I saw her point of view and we went ahead. She was so keen she even bought her own ring eight months before I asked her to marry me. I could never have afforded the rings she wanted.

Since we got married she has withdrawn from me physically and sexually - we had an initial pattern up until Christmas of sex once a month. She's a clever girl if we were trying for a baby we need to do it a lot more than that. Before marriage sex was never an issue and we did it regularly. Her excuses now are that she’s too tired or sick. It came to a head an xmas we had words and things improved for a week but its falling into the same pattern. She said she’s worried about my job situation. She regularly insults me bad kisser, bad breath, bad skin, bad dresser and that I smell. I have asked friends both male and female who say I have not changed and that I have always been a good looking guy of athletic build who looks after his appearance. I may have let things slip slightly but I have quickly rectified that. One particularly bad night she said I let her down in front of her barrister/lawyer friends at a party.

She wants me to be in same room as her but doesn’t want physical contact. She pretends she wants to kiss me but pulls away when I go near. She wants to sleep in same bed as me but doesn’t want any form of touching or intimacy. What’s going on - - is she fooling herself? My sleep got very irregular but I have started masturbating more regularly so at least I am not lying awake in bed all night. This situation is hurting me a lot as I do love her. She talks to a friend who also recently got married also a lot on the phone. She says her friend isn’t into sex but sees it as an ordeal to have a kid etc. She is also a lot more secretive over her phone now.

What should I do; any advice very much appreciated?

Edited January 15, 2010 by Beldub
Correction

[mem11363]

This is the classic reaction you get when that happens.

 

 

I married my wife in August 2009. I had known her for three years and lived with her for 2. We live in her apartment in a nice part of town. She is a barrister/lawyer while I worked in IT. I just started a good new job but lost it when the company went bankrupt just before I got married. The economy in Ireland where I live is suffering very badly from the world recession and I am not alone in looking for a job. My father also died at the same time losing a battle against cancer. I switched jobs just as I agreed to the marriage as I thought I needed a bigger job if I was getting married - big mistake.

My wife was the one who pushed to get married. I love her very much but wanted to wait until my situation was more stable. However, as we are both 40 time isn’t on our side so I saw her point of view and we went ahead. She was so keen she even bought her own ring eight months before I asked her to marry me. I could never have afforded the rings she wanted.

Since we got married she has withdrawn from me physically and sexually - we had an initial pattern up until Christmas of sex once a month. She's a clever girl if we were trying for a baby we need to do it a lot more than that. Before marriage sex was never an issue and we did it regularly. Her excuses now are that she’s too tired or sick. It came to a head an xmas we had words and things improved for a week but its falling into the same pattern. She said she’s worried about my job situation. She regularly insults me bad kisser, bad breath, bad skin, bad dresser and that I smell. I have asked friends both male and female who say I have not changed and that I have always been a good looking guy of athletic build who looks after his appearance. I may have let things slip slightly but I have quickly rectified that. One particularly bad night she said I let her down in front of her barrister/lawyer friends at a party.

She wants me to be in same room as her but doesn’t want physical contact. She pretends she wants to kiss me but pulls away when I go near. She wants to sleep in same bed as me but doesn’t want any form of touching or intimacy. What’s going on - - is she fooling herself? My sleep got very irregular but I have started masturbating more regularly so at least I am not lying awake in bed all night. This situation is hurting me a lot as I do love her. She talks to a friend who also recently got married also a lot on the phone. She says her friend isn’t into sex but sees it as an ordeal to have a kid etc. She is also a lot more secretive over her phone now.

What should I do; any advice very much appreciated?

[Beldub]

That's what I thought but I know she's not having an affair - I overheard her say as much to a friend. Although she could have her eye on someone else - that I dont know. She has said in the recent past that Im being paranoid. If I got a job would things go back to the way they were?

 

Why does she pretend that she wants to kiss me and be in the same bed with me when her actions tell me the opposite. Is it going through the motions whats the point?

 

I would be crushed but would rather face up to reality - so any other advice? Thanks

Edited January 16, 2010 by Beldub
Correction