Pentel Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 all the letters.. everything i have of her should i burn it?
1life8love1trust Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Though it may seem like a good idea, I wouldn't. I put them away in the attic, give it to your mom or friend. You need those memories. Eventually you will forget about it, but one day you will look back and laugh. I love that movie btw. I wish I could remove her from my head like in the movie.
Author Pentel Posted January 16, 2010 Author Posted January 16, 2010 Though it may seem like a good idea, I wouldn't. I put them away in the attic, give it to your mom or friend. You need those memories. Eventually you will forget about it, but one day you will look back and laugh. I love that movie btw. I wish I could remove her from my head like in the movie. yea i love that movie, now more than ever
thepulse27 Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 I agree. Don't look at them, but don't get rid of them as an expression of anger. This person has hurt you more than anyone else ever could until now (and trust me i know how that feels). But she was part of your life, and for you to feel so much pain she was a good part. When this feeling finally starts to fade you will want to remember the good with the bad. No one wants to think they wasted a huge part of their life, that wasn't the case, so don't make it that way in your head. Because tossing away the good memories won't get rid of the bad ones, and then that will be all you're left with.
XKatieX Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 I would just put them somewhere out of sight. When the day comes where you can look at them and not feel pain, then you can do whatever you want with them.
Limbo21 Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 I burnt all mine, I found it incredibly therapeutic.
oneheart Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Has it helped you in the past to burn/throw away things? I actually have saved some letters from an ex years ago. (The nice Letters). I kept them because I knew that one day.. someone would love me that much again. We split (I left) because there was no sex in the relationship - (I still dont know why?) But once there was love between us - and I believe he really loved me at that time .... and I believe that one day I will be loved again... (not by him!) you are loveable... you will be loved again.... *hug* I have deleted photo's, thrown stuff away and regretted it ... but I have to say that I got just as good a feeling from going through the process of crying, shouting, screaming..aarrghhh!!! whilst putting it all in a box to go out of sight, all the files on my computer in a file called 'for later' just to simply put it to rest and move on. good luck xx
Oh Moe Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 I always over time get rid of stuff. But the last relationship hurt so much because I was so careful and loved her so much and when she left for no apparent reason. We both explained so many times over three yrs. how much we loved each other not like anything I ever experienced or her. Only 10 days before she dumped my we both said wow we can't wait to be married and hugged and kissed. It was all BS she was sleeping around a week after she left and still telling me all the letters and cards were still true and she loved me more then anything in the world, she used me and abused me. I took everything she ever gave me or my family, gifts, jewelry, cloths everything and left it on her doorstep. She came out why why why are you doing this. I told her she could take everything and regift it to her new BF's. She can white out my name in the more then 700 card and letters and just replace mine with there's. Some less then a week before she dumped me. Sorry for the rant but I have no care for her but she keeps popping up with BS.
oneheart Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 The only things I have ever given back to a boyfriend was an engagement ring and the porno mag I ripped from another ex's hands - told him I was leaving because I was sick of all the lying about porn... stormed out the house thinking.. this porn for the bin! and then thought.. no hang on... knock knock... here... keep it, you'll need it! But much the same feeling as handing back the gifts and letters...
DenverBachelor Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Burn them on a titanium shielded diamond DVD and shoot it into deep space. Let the cosmos figure out what to do with it. Maybe it will end up in a black hole not unlike what some ex's have for a heart.
DenverBachelor Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Ps: In today's world, most of the pictures we accumulate are stored digitally. It's a weird feeling looking at a picture of the two of you being happy together and realizing it was just a bunch of 1's and 0's in a certain organization. You can't burn information, but you can delete it. But the pictures and movies in your mind? What of those? You can torch everything and delete everything, but you'll never erase the memories. I don't see the point in getting rid of anything. I have over 2,000 e-mails from her from the seven years we were best friends and I have hundreds of pictures and dozens of movies. I'm not a big fan of destroying things when the universe does enough of that by itself. I feel as though my life is meant to derive meaning and order from the chaos. The only reason why I would get rid of those things is because I'm still upset with her for numerous reasons. In a year's time, I won't be upset with her. Then I'll think back and wish I hadn't deleted everything. If you put it out of reach and out of sight, you're solving your current problem without introducing a new one many years from now when you're sitting home on a Friday night drinking wine and you decide, "what the hell," and pull out the momentos box.
HappyAgain Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 My opinion is to go for it if you are truly and sincerely over the relationship. I made a party of it the night I decided to get rid of all my ex's stuff. And truth be told - it was the most liberating night of my life. I celebrated my freedom with the removal of every reminder of him. But be sure that you are truly healed or else you might regret it later - I never have because I knew it was over as far as I was concerned.
paleblue Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 to burn? or not to burn? good question...... i know i have trashed most of my ex's junk. kept a couple things here and there, but the majority of it is gone. screw it. what am i going to do with it??/ not as sentimental as i used to be.....
Dorluv Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Since when did u not hear from her. I myself during periods on non communication wanted to throw away his watch he gave me. but im glad i didnt. I aslo had deleted some of his email and now im sorry. so hold it until u find somebody and can handle it. right now ur not so strong i think dont know for sure. once you kmove on the letters wont bother u no more. Im so sorry babe, I always thought that it was only men who were cold and cruel, im learning evryday now that both sexes can be the same . Alwyas thought that men had the control and they decide where the relationship will go. Its a surprise to me that women give equal problems too.
USMCHokie Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I vote no. My ex was way too important a part of my life to throw away. Just because she's not with me now doesn't mean that I need to pretend she was never with me...I had some of my most incredible life memories with her, and I would never in a million years delete photos, letters, emails, etc. of those times I spent with her. I don't look at them right now because it still hurts a little, but they're definitely something I want to have to look back on many years from now...my relationship with her was definitely a major moment in my life...I don't ever want to forget it...even 30 years from now... I'd say to box it up, leave it alone for a little while, and then come back to it and decide when you aren't so guided by emotions...especially emotions as raw as they may be from a breakup...
Eisenhower Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I gathered all the love letters/cards she ever gave me and sent them back to her. Kind of my way of saying "these don't mean anything to me anymore and I consider them worthless" ... plus, I enjoyed the idea of her reading through them and realizing how much she promised her love only to not follow through. She probably could care less what was said vs. what happened but I enjoyed the thought of kind of rubbing her nose in her own words. Eisenhower
Toki Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I would have set it all to the torch like I did with my ex, not including her mind you. Although it could be that I just have a fascination with fire.
thepulse27 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I vote no. My ex was way too important a part of my life to throw away. Just because she's not with me now doesn't mean that I need to pretend she was never with me...I had some of my most incredible life memories with her, and I would never in a million years delete photos, letters, emails, etc. of those times I spent with her. I don't look at them right now because it still hurts a little, but they're definitely something I want to have to look back on many years from now...my relationship with her was definitely a major moment in my life...I don't ever want to forget it...even 30 years from now... I'd say to box it up, leave it alone for a little while, and then come back to it and decide when you aren't so guided by emotions...especially emotions as raw as they may be from a breakup... This is exactly right. I hate the way I feel right now, and part of me hates her for doing this to me, and I still believe she's made a big mistake. But that doesn't change the fact that I had the four best years of my life with her. All of my favourite memories are of her. It's almost going to kill me getting over her, but I never want to feel that I wasted those four years of my life, because that isn't the truth.
DenverBachelor Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 ... plus, I enjoyed the idea of her reading through them and realizing how much she promised her love only to not follow through. I'm quite sure she didn't read a single one, but that's a nice fantasy.
canadaman111 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I will keep all the letters and stuff from my ex. They were the best 11 years of my life and i share so much with her. I hope to get back together one day and i am sure i will be happy if that happens and I still have all that stuff from the past.
Oh Moe Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 (edited) To add to the questions. Some here believe that people grow apart over time and I can understand that I've been there. BUT how about the ones who just down right lied to you, my ex and I less then a week before she dumped me were talking about how we couldn't wait to get married and literally melted in each others arms with joy. No one falls out of a relationship that fast and I've read many many post here very similar. I look at the last three years no matter how good times were as a total lie, who wants part of their life based on a lie. So everything as I said was returned to her. I'm over it let her wallow in it if she wishes. Edited January 17, 2010 by Oh Moe
DenverBachelor Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 (edited) BUT how about the ones who just down right lied to you, my ex and I less then a week before she dumped me were talking about how we couldn't wait to get married and literally melted in each others arms with joy. No one falls out of a relationship that fast Oh but they can. We'll never know all the variables at play but what we do know is that emotions are highly complex things. Maybe she just ate some chocolate and got a serotonin rush while in your arms. Maybe she was seeing someone in the final weeks of your relationship and was juggling the decision. Once the decision is made to push YOU out and let the new person in, that's when the switch flips. That's when they need to protect their own emotions by putting up an emotional barrier between you and them. They do it to protect themselves from the guilt and to convince themselves that they made the right decision. The funny thing about that is this -- who knows whether or not it was ultimately the right decision because people can't see into the future but what they can do is take things from the past and use that to arrive at a decision. The decision was right for them at the time and that is all that matters intrinsically. It is their decision to make and once it is made, the person you were with is no longer that person towards you. But in the end, people constantly make very large mistakes because they were either too young or too ignorant of what they had because they didn't have enough information from past relationships in which to compare the one they chose to end. Life isn't necessarily about always making the right decisions, but at the very least learning from the consequences wrought from the poor ones. Some people relationship hop their entire lives because their incapable or unwilling to address their own insecurities and work on their own faults. A lot of people use relationships as bandage to keep their insecurities buried -- because for many people, short-term fixes are just more convenient than long-term hard work. Edited January 17, 2010 by DenverBachelor
Oh Moe Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 A lot of people use relationships as bandage to keep their insecurities buried -- because for many people, short-term fixes are just more convenient than long-term hard work. Oh my if this isn't true of the last one. I've also been told that she is a VICTIM in her eyes. And now that I've stepped back as good as we were she was always the VICTIM. I told her one of the last times we talked that someday you will have to deal with something not just keep running. She will never be happy and right now seeing that.
Untamed21 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Don't. It may feel good for the moment, but no matter how much they hurt you, you need those memories...this is a part of your life that you should remember. It was something you invested time in. Please, don't throw something YOU put effort in away. They are proof she loved you once.
DenverBachelor Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Oh my if this isn't true of the last one. I've also been told that she is a VICTIM in her eyes. And now that I've stepped back as good as we were she was always the VICTIM. I told her one of the last times we talked that someday you will have to deal with something not just keep running. She will never be happy and right now seeing that. Yes. They're the "victim" because, that way, they can justify their actions. If you're a "victim," it was acceptable for you to cheat while in the relationship because you were a victim of his or her non-attentiveness. Makes sense, right? If you're the "victim," then you left the relationship because they "emotionally abused" you, right? When you're an adult, you have two choices in life. You can be honest with yourself and the situations you get into or you can lie to yourself. People lie to others every day, but the funny thing is that some people lie to themselves so much, that they never really see things for what they are because by the time the experience has passed, they've already twisted the facts around enough to justify anything they want to do. Once someone re-frames their own past while with you into something completely different, there is nothing you can do about it. Once they paint you black, you're black to them. The only thing you can do as a mature adult is take the memories YOU have and thank God that someone from the relationship was rational enough to hold the past for what it was (both good and bad) and maintain a truthful version of those memories. The other person is just gone at that point -- literally and figuratively.
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