Will I be destined to be alone if I don't accept short men?

[MissJoness]

but I think more just want you to see that if you're hitting rejections and failures one after another in the quest for a certain type of guy, then perhaps you're just not the woman those guys really want.

 

I haven't been rejected by these men at all. I never come across many of them; only short men who are not my type even if they were taller.

 

I've said before that when I got down to a size 4 & lightened my skin several shades that I did attract the hotter men. I remember men in very expensive cars hitting on me. But I couldn't maintain that look and gained some of the weight back and got darker again. So I can attract those type of men I just have to try a bit harder . right now I am in the proces of working on my appearance so I can attract those type of men again.

[CaliGuy]

I haven't been rejected by these men at all. I never come across many of them; only short men who are not my type even if they were taller.

 

I've said before that when I got down to a size 4 & lightened my skin several shades that I did attract the hotter men. I remember men in very expensive cars hitting on me. But I couldn't maintain that look and gained some of the weight back and got darker again. So I can attract those type of men I just have to try a bit harder . right now I am in the proces of working on my appearance so I can attract those type of men again.

 

Yup. And the minute you gain a pound, these same guys will drop you like a hot potato. They're shallow if that's the main reason they are attracted to you and will leave -- sooner or later. It's only a matter of time.

 

I don't understand why you can't make the correlation between your shallow values and the shallow type of men you hope to attract (men who deem money, status or items of any value whatsoever).

 

I mean, seriously. If you haven't figured it out by now then I propose you get some extensive, healthy personal counseling.

[OpenGL]

Yup. And the minute you gain a pound, these same guys will drop you like a hot potato. They're shallow if that's the main reason they are attracted to you and will leave -- sooner or later. It's only a matter of time.

 

I don't understand why you can't make the correlation between your shallow values and the shallow type of men you hope to attract (men who deem money, status or items of any value whatsoever).

 

I mean, seriously. If you haven't figured it out by now then I propose you get some extensive, healthy personal counseling.

 

She doesn't care.

 

She rather be railed by hot guys than to have real relationships with regular guys.

 

These are the type of women we are breeding in america these days.

[CaliGuy]

She doesn't care.

 

She rather be railed by hot guys than to have real relationships with regular guys.

 

These are the type of women we are breeding in america these days.

 

I'm sure if she "loses the weight, gets surgery and de-tans" she'll get a guy that is interested in railing her. Nothing else though.

 

I don't understand why people who fail at relationships don't put the brakes on and take a deep inner look at what is wrong with THEM? We always want to blame other people but the only common factor in many failed relationships is "me"....

[temple]

These are the type of women we are breeding in america these days.

 

So you accept some responsibility for them?

[OpenGL]

I'm sure if she "loses the weight, gets surgery and de-tans" she'll get a guy that is interested in railing her. Nothing else though.

 

Shes fine with this.

 

I don't understand why people who fail at relationships don't put the brakes on and take a deep inner look at what is wrong with THEM? We always want to blame other people but the only common factor in many failed relationships is "me"....

 

Shes knows whats wrong. Shes not hot enough to get railed by hot guys so shes looking to fix that with plastic sugury and skin lightening. Problem solved. Shes just part of plastic america.

[cognac]

As evidenced by many of your other anecdotes, I feel it is safe to say that the extremely limited number of women in your life are not wholly reflective of women in general. Nor are you and your guy friends representative of all men everywhere (phew!).

 

My husband actually has a physical 'type'...he prefers tall, pale, leggy redheads with glasses. I've met several of his exes and at least a few matched up with this type better than I do. I'm a tall, pale, bosomy brunette who occasionally wears glasses. I guess I could sit around stressing about the fact that I don't match up with his physical ideal in every way or I could try to remake myself a bit physically but I choose to focus on the fact that he LOVES me and chose to marry me. [/Quote]

 

 

I sincerely doubt your husband only dates women of that description. Redheads make up what percentage of the population of USA? 2%? Add in the unlikelihood of her having all the features you describe at once and whether she is single, will find your husband attractive , etc and it becomes almost impossible to find the woman who is your husband's "type".

 

The fact that he tells you he has a "physical ideal" and his physical type are two different things. (even though I would really take offense if he tells you his "physical ideal" and it's not you, he's probably as shallow as a woman is) A woman's type is simply a guy who she is willing to date, hence "you're not my type" when a woman rejects you. This guy obviously doesn't have a type if he is willing to date someone who isn't it.

 

I'm the one who doesn't particularly have a set type. I've dated men of many different makes and models, a range of sizes, ages, races and nationalities represented. I do have some personal preference for darker-complected men with a full head of dark hair, but I have dated a few blonds or gingers, and while my pale husband has thick dark hair, I'm pretty sure that's only going to last another five years at the rate his temples are growing . Oh well. I guess since he's a good man, lover and father, and, you know, I LOVE HIM, I'll try to restrain my 'natural female inclination' to leave him if his hair falls out...

 

haven't you also dated...women? LOL! I think women who are bisexual are generally more liberal about this kind of stuff I'll give you that (sexually very promiscuous as well), but I only am talking about purely heterosexual women and they are like I say.

[Stung]

I sincerely doubt your husband only dates women of that description. .

 

 

I only am talking about purely heterosexual women and they are like I say.

 

 

Never once did I say he only dated women of that physical type, or obviously he would not have dated me. But redheads are his 'preference,' and he has dated several.

 

 

As for the second half of this quote...oh, Cognac. The very heart of your problem with women is that you have no idea what they think, feel, want, need, or like, and you twist yourself into a bitter little pretzel over it projecting all your worst fears and imaginings onto them as a whole.

 

Although I do find your assertions that you (a 21 year old man who has never had a girlfriend and has no girl friends) automatically know far more about women than a 34 year old woman who has had a few girlfriends and many girl friends, to be pretty cute.

[mem11363]

Johnny,

About a year after Laurie I met my true love - married her and we are still living happily ever after.

 

As for Laurie I am truly glad I did not take advantage of her. She was a nice girl and I hope she met a good man.

 

 

 

 

And this is exactly why nice guys finish last. Even when a girl wants them, they find a way to screw it up.

[Stung]

 

The fact that he tells you he has a "physical ideal" and his physical type are two different things. (even though I would really take offense if he tells you his "physical ideal" and it's not you, he's probably as shallow as a woman is) A woman's type is simply a guy who she is willing to date, hence "you're not my type" when a woman rejects you. This guy obviously doesn't have a type if he is willing to date someone who isn't it.

 

 

 

.

 

Another thing that's likely a problem for you is how aggressive you are in your insistence in interpreting everything negatively. Sure, if my husband sat me down one day and said 'Stung, guess what? You're just not my physical ideal,' then my feelings would be hurt. The fact is that I know him very well and have sussed out over time and through conversations and by meeting his exes that he has a thing for redheads. Why should this offend me? I like guys with Scottish accents, which my husband does not have. He doesn't find that offensive, he finds it amusing. He has dated redheads in the past and never came close to marrying any of them. It's my combination of physical, mental, and emotional traits and talents that hooked him irreversibly to my sweet, sweet nectar, not the color of my hair. He's not shallow, he loves me and he lets me know he loves me with every passing day. You focus solely on the physical realm to explain the rifts in your soul, is that not shallow? You are far too quick to dismiss the intangible, especially for a guy who claims to be a poet.

[Crazy Magnet]

I've only read this last page, but you look like you're trying to work WAY too hard to get a man. Essentially you're going to starve and bleach yourself to get the date you want? Perhaps I'm lazy, or perhaps I'm not as desperate to date whatever kind of man you seem to want to date, but that's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to much effort on my part to get and retain a man.

 

Besides, one they figure out the bleached and starved you isn't the real you, they are going to dump you anyway. My suggestion is to find someone to love you just the way you are.

[cognac]

Another thing that's likely a problem for you is how aggressive you are in your insistence in interpreting everything negatively. Sure, if my husband sat me down one day and said 'Stung, guess what? You're just not my physical ideal,' then my feelings would be hurt.

 

The fact is that I know him very well and have sussed out over time and through conversations and by meeting his exes that he has a thing for redheads. Why should this offend me? I like guys with Scottish accents, which my husband does not have. He doesn't find that offensive, he finds it amusing. He has dated redheads in the past and never came close to marrying any of them. It's my combination of physical, mental, and emotional traits and talents that hooked him irreversibly to my sweet, sweet nectar, not the color of my hair. He's not shallow, he loves me and he lets me know he loves me with every passing day. You focus solely on the physical realm to explain the rifts in your soul, is that not shallow? You are far too quick to dismiss the intangible, especially for a guy who claims to be a poet. [/Quote]

 

See that's the thing. If you say you like a guy who has a Scottish accent, it's not a big deal. My problem with women is when they say for example, I like a guy whose tall, dark haired and has a British accent, that's the only thing they'll be content with until they're in their 30's and he hasn't arrived. When a girl has this "ideal" in their minds, and they end up dating a guy who isn't their "ideal", you can't help but get the feeling that they still don't fully like you and you're just a placeholder. If by some evil cosmic force I am in a relationship with a girl with those kinds of "types" in mind, and this "type" arrives, I know for a fact that I'm gone the second he shows interest in her. The fickle nature of woman kind is what bothers me, not the fact that they think a guy with a scottish accent is "cute".

 

The main difference is that the more universally attractive a man is (tall, muscular, dark hair, fine features), the more positive character traits women give them, which is why women constantly mistake their lust for true love. For men, it's the other way around, the more beautiful a woman is, the more negative traits and high maintenance attitude we attribute to them, we may lust after them, but well always love the plain chick next door who has we know is loyal and true.

[mem11363]

At 27 my future wife met me:

- 4 inches short of her target height

- non catholic

- not handy - at home repairs and stuff

 

All 3 of those were on her list. I didn't feel like a placeholder.

 

See that's the thing. If you say you like a guy who has a Scottish accent, it's not a big deal. My problem with women is when they say for example, I like a guy whose tall, dark haired and has a British accent, that's the only thing they'll be content with until they're in their 30's and he hasn't arrived. When a girl has this "ideal" in their minds, and they end up dating a guy who isn't their "ideal", you can't help but get the feeling that they still don't fully like you and you're just a placeholder. If by some evil cosmic force I am in a relationship with a girl with those kinds of "types" in mind, and this "type" arrives, I know for a fact that I'm gone the second he shows interest in her. The fickle nature of woman kind is what bothers me, not the fact that they think a guy with a scottish accent is "cute".

 

The main difference is that the more universally attractive a man is (tall, muscular, dark hair, fine features), the more positive character traits women give them, which is why women constantly mistake their lust for true love. For men, it's the other way around, the more beautiful a woman is, the more negative traits and high maintenance attitude we attribute to them, we may lust after them, but well always love the plain chick next door who has we know is loyal and true.

[Crazy Magnet]

I've never dated a placeholder. What's the point?? If I'm with a guy it's because I want to be with that guy, not because I'm bored and hoping something better comes along.

 

Cognac, as long as you stereotype all women into this bizarre thinking pattern you seem to have, you are not going to find a girl. I bet when you do meet a girl, you're the kind of guy who sits around and tells her what she is thinking. And the girl, since you are completely wrong, thinks you are insane and then isn't interested.

[cognac]

I've never dated a placeholder. What's the point?? If I'm with a guy it's because I want to be with that guy, not because I'm bored and hoping something better comes along.

 

Cognac, as long as you stereotype all women into this bizarre thinking pattern you seem to have, you are not going to find a girl. I bet when you do meet a girl, you're the kind of guy who sits around and tells her what she is thinking. And the girl, since you are completely wrong, thinks you are insane and then isn't interested.

 

You'd be surprised at how charming and outgoing I can be when women give me a chance. Even I get surprised at my charming ways. In high school I was truly insane, insensitive , and cruel, and you know what? For some reason more girls liked me back then than they do now. Don't know why. If I was 6 feet tall id be able to have any woman i wanted, including you!!!!

[MissJoness]

Shes fine with this.

 

 

 

Shes knows whats wrong. Shes not hot enough to get railed by hot guys so shes looking to fix that with plastic sugury and skin lightening. Problem solved. Shes just part of plastic america.

Says the guy who probably drools over lightskin women with long hair.

 

Please. Men have their preferences too. And everyday since the day I was born I am reminded of this. I don't care if I have to do a few altercations to appeal to a wider range of men, at least I have a nice body and nice features to start with...

 

most men talk all this talk about how they don't need a woman to have a small waist, big boobs, long hair to date but the minute this type of woman walks in the room all heads turn and they're all trying to date her.

[dreamergrl]

And really? What will you do when you get your plastic surgery and all, and you still aren't getting what you want? Then is it more surgery, or will you realize that it has more to do with your attitude and personality?

[MissJoness]

And really? What will you do when you get your plastic surgery and all, and you still aren't getting what you want? Then is it more surgery, or will you realize that it has more to do with your attitude and personality?

I know I will get what I want & that I will be happier. I dont see anything wrong with plastic surgery and bettering your appearance. In my culture I was raised to think that the lighter your skin is, the straighter and longer your hair is the prettier you are, the better you are and the more you get ahead. It's internalized. I can't think any other way.

[OpenGL]

Says the guy who probably drools over lightskin women with long hair.

 

Please. Men have their preferences too. And everyday since the day I was born I am reminded of this. I don't care if I have to do a few altercations to appeal to a wider range of men, at least I have a nice body and nice features to start with...

 

most men talk all this talk about how they don't need a woman to have a small waist, big boobs, long hair to date but the minute this type of woman walks in the room all heads turn and they're all trying to date her.

 

Honestly?

 

You wanna hear something funny?

 

I have never dated a black woman, but not by choice. I have had about 8 girlfriends in my life, 2 of them long term, and all of them have been interracial.

 

All of the black women I have ever shown interest in have been EXACTLY like you and wouldn't give me the time of day. And no I'm not a 5'0 midget hitting on 6'0 girls. I'm fairly sure all of them have been shorter than me (but maybe not in 6 inch heels ).

 

So f you. You do it to yourselves.

[ella23]

Honestly?

 

You wanna hear something funny?

 

I have never dated a black woman, but not by choice. I have had about 8 girlfriends in my life, 2 of them long term, and all of them have been interracial.

 

All of the black women I have ever shown interest in have been EXACTLY like you and wouldn't give me the time of day. And no I'm not a 5'0 midget hitting on 6'0 girls. I'm fairly sure all of them have been shorter than me (but maybe not in 6 inch heels ).

 

So f you. You do it to yourselves.

So you've had a decent number of relationships.

And yet you whine that women don't show interest in you.

[MissJoness]

Honestly?

 

You wanna hear something funny?

 

I have never dated a black woman, but not by choice. I have had about 8 girlfriends in my life, 2 of them long term, and all of them have been interracial.

 

All of the black women I have ever shown interest in have been EXACTLY like you and wouldn't give me the time of day. And no I'm not a 5'0 midget hitting on 6'0 girls. I'm fairly sure all of them have been shorter than me (but maybe not in 6 inch heels ).

 

So f you. You do it to yourselves.

lol Seriously

 

Try being a darkskin black woman and turning on the radio and hearing songs and lyrics always emphasizing the attractiveness of lighter complected women. I can make a drop down list of rappers, actors who came out and said how they don't find women of a certian color attractive. Or how about going to a college and hearing the black guys, some darker than me saying they would never date a girl darker than a certain color.

 

It's a lot harder where I'm standing. At least you can be as black as you want to be and still get acceptance. I can't. I have to try a helluva lot harder than you do because I am a woman.

 

and I wonder what type of girls rejected you..were they the lightskin mixed girls with the striaght hair?? probably so..so f YOU

[OpenGL]

So you've had a decent number of relationships.

And yet you whine that women don't show interest in you.

 

I've gotten lucky in the past.

 

And things are A LOT different in the dating scene then they were 10 years ago.

 

I haven't been in a relationship for a very long time and oddly enough I'm in the best shape I have ever been in and the most successful I have ever been career wise.

[dreamergrl]

I really can't believe this thread is arguing over who should whine more.

[OpenGL]

lol Seriously

 

Try being a darkskin black woman and turning on the radio and hearing songs and lyrics always emphasizing the attractiveness of lighter complected women. I can make a drop down list of rappers, actors who came out and said how they don't find women of a certian color attractive. Or how about going to a college and hearing the black guys, some darker than me saying they would never date a girl darker than a certain color.

 

It's a lot harder where I'm standing. At least you can be as black as you want to be and still get acceptance. I can't. I have to try a helluva lot harder than you do because I am a woman.

 

and I wonder what type of girls rejected you..were they the lightskin mixed girls with the striaght hair?? probably so..so f YOU

 

I'm a light skinned black man (to the point where people think I am mixed), and I don't mind and have hit on dark skinned black women. You even say you get hit on all the time, just by midgets (which to you is anything under 6'5 ).

 

The problem isn't with your skin complexion or your weight. The problem is with you.

[AD1980]

Honestly?

 

You wanna hear something funny?

 

I have never dated a black woman, but not by choice. I have had about 8 girlfriends in my life, 2 of them long term, and all of them have been interracial.

 

All of the black women I have ever shown interest in have been EXACTLY like you and wouldn't give me the time of day. And no I'm not a 5'0 midget hitting on 6'0 girls. I'm fairly sure all of them have been shorter than me (but maybe not in 6 inch heels ).

 

So f you. You do it to yourselves.

 

No wonder youre so bitter black women are thought of to be the biggest heightists[white women not far behind] probably because black guys on average are taller then most groups in the US