Will I be destined to be alone if I don't accept short men?

[mem11363]

Lust creation is great - but pure lust only lasts 18-24 months. Desire - very different thing - that can last a lifetime - for me going on 20 years - but it is based on the person way more then their appearance.

 

MJ is confused. She thinks that the initial attraction stuff which is shallow is the same stuff causes people to STAY together which is so clearly not the case. But this is all consistent. Someone who posts about "short" and then tries so hard to avoid defining it - is simply "off" in some very important ways. The funny thing is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with having some hard and fast dating rules: You must be 6'1" to ride this ride. Some people will flame that - but most will accept it for an honest definition of what a person requires. I will repeat - somehow MJ thinks that guys want to MARRY a woman without much consideration of her personality - and nothing could be farther from the truth. Ask every guy on here this question and you will get a pretty illuminating answer:

 

Did you try to marry the hottest woman you ever dated?

 

For me the answer was not only did I not try to marry her I kept it to one long makeout session - she was sooo much hotter then me (deep sigh) but when she called to ask me out again - yes I knew I could take her out a few times and she would have sex with me - I said "no". Because she was a head case with a huge sense of entitlement and I knew I couldn't like her/much less love her. So while a small part of me wanted to bed her - just so I could say I did it (hey I was only 25 at the time), sanity prevailed and I nicely declined her request for a second date.

 

I bet there are lots and lots of guys who will tell a similar story. And maybe they dated the person for a while but when they got to know her....

 

A sane man marries the "best" overall woman he finds acceptably attractive. So yes we have a threshold - but for most men, many many women are attractive "enough" to be over our threshold. I speak for most men when I say that I would rather MARRY someone attractive outside and beautiful inside then beautiful outside and not so attractive on the inside.

 

 

Sure, women who are very 1 dimensional and hot are great to try to get into bed for sport, but most men aren't going to want anything else to do with you, particularly the men you are seeking. I would never want to date the kind of woman I would meet at a bar who is obviously extremely vain.

 

Men are not as shallow as society says. If a man thinks your appearance is passable and feels remote attraction to you, you are most likely in if your personality is good. There are so few women who have a personality and kindness beyond the stereotypical bottle blonde paper thin and flat woman who is the rule nowadays, that a woman with even an OK personality will do. Trust me on this, we men don't care how tall or short you are, what hair color you have, how big your boobs are, don't care how well we "fit" (women use this stupid term a lot and it is pure nonesense) we generally value stability and a woman who will stick around through thick and thin and just accept us for good and bad. The only physical dealbreaker really is obesity. And I'm not like some of the women here, saying this while Giselle Bundchen massages my back, I really do date and seek women like this, "plain janes" with sweet personalities, but unfortunately they are so few and never single.

 

The racial thing could be a barrier for many men, but the solution is to date men within your race.

[bananaboat11]

LOL Awww I'm not shallow. MY recent abusive ex who made me hurt emotionally was by no means hot. SHe was pretty tho. I want a smart fun intelligent woman I see as beautiful

 

 

 

 

 

:confused:

[cognac]

I liked your post Mem. Very true, it's how I and most men I know feel as well. There was a girl who I knew for a long time since I was a kid who I think was attracted to me, she offered herself to me sexually but I declined. She is extremely hot, her facebook has 200 comments talking about how hot she is and how beautiful blah blah blah, and I won't say she isn't nice, she's extremely nice and probably a good person, but she is just really dumb. I couldn't even push myself to have sex with her because of I knew there would be lots of baggage and it would be scummy to use someone like that when I did not want to have anything to do with her outside of the bedroom.

 

If more people looked for desire rather than lust, everyone would be happier. All those guys women friendzone (for being not tall enough, being too blonde, etc) that they desire but don't immediatly lust for is a big mistake. Women confuse their lust for love often which is why you get all these situations of very abusive and cruel men that women just can't get enough of because of their looks. Men do it sometimes too, but generally are less able to date outside of their "league" unless they have a lot of financial "freedom" so it's not as common .

 

Today the brutal irony is I desire a woman who is not even half as "hot" as a chick who was trying to convince me to bang her, it's not that love is blind, I won't be that blind, but there is a lot more to life and relationships than being driven by pure beastial lust (or as women call it, "chemistry").

[Yamaha]

Usually one person is not as attractive

 

 

There is a reason for this.

[D-Jam]

Okay but I don't like how all the men try to discourage women for searching for a man who is tall, drop dead gorgeous and has a lot of money. Implying that I may not be pretty enough for one. Its annoying. It seems that any woman who desires a guy like this is shot down regardless of what she looks like

AD1980 said it best.

 

I'm not telling you that you can't have tall, dark, handsome, wealthy, exciting, etc...

 

I'm simply pointing out that if your quest for such a specimen has turned up with you either meeting short, dark and handsome; or tall, "eh" looking, and blue collar; or even tall, dark, handsome, wealthy, exciting...but he either wants only sex with you or he wants someone younger and hotter...

 

...that perhaps then you're being unrealistic. It goes back to my statement on standards. You can have them...but can you honestly ATTAIN THEM?

 

I think some people here want to punish you for fathoming the idea of wanting an above average male, but I think more just want you to see that if you're hitting rejections and failures one after another in the quest for a certain type of guy, then perhaps you're just not the woman those guys really want.

 

You can't blame the guys either. No more than guys here can blame women for their own failures. No one can blame the opposite sex for not presenting them with the ideal mate.

 

The reality of love for all of us is to find that person you click with and feel wonderful with...but you have to choose from your available pool of singles. That or seek out a LDR with the ideal man if you find him.

 

If you want to keep holding out for that picture perfect male, then do it. I won't say anything bad...but if you're getting on in years and he hasn't presented himself to you, then perhaps it's the wake-up call to ask yourself if you were being realistic.

 

 

I see loads of women chase the "alpha males" and complain to death about how the ones they meet only want to lay hot young women rather than settle down with the "smart good-looking mature woman who can carry on a conversation". They can complain to their heart's content, but it's pointless. You can't change their mentality. No more than when guys complain and wonder if hot women will ever suddenly decide to marry the "eh" looking nice guy.

 

Hold out for the man you really want, but make sure he exists and he will want you as a mate.

[CaliGuy]

Okay but I don't like how all the men try to discourage women for searching for a man who is tall, drop dead gorgeous and has a lot of money. Implying that I may not be pretty enough for one. Its annoying. It seems that any woman who desires a guy like this is shot down regardless of what she looks like

 

Ok, well let me put it this way.

 

Every guy is waiting in line for the "hot babe" with the perfect body/looks and personality. Women like this are extremely hard to come by, so if she does become available it's like a shark feeding frenzy. Women who fit this criteria have their pick of the pack and she will most likely choose a man that is on her level in looks/status, confidence, etc.

 

In your case, you want the "top of the line" guy. A tall, hot looking guy who has money and social status. Someone you can brag to your friends about and makes them jealous in envy. Unless you're on his level, your "shot" at landing a guy like that will be little to none. Sure, you can go get your plastic surgery and try and modify your looks to attract him.

 

The problem is you don't seem to have the confidence or personality to KEEP a man like that. In fact, even if you have money, status and looks -- if it's not backed up with a great personality, your relationships will be tumultuous and short, at best.

 

I have no problem with people shooting for the stars when seeking a mate. Just make sure you keep your feet well grounded in reality when doing so.

[mem11363]

Cognac,

The really hot girl - was mean and entitled - big big turn offs.

 

There was this other girl - Laurie. Pretty face - body was a 9. And for some reason she liked me. We met in the health club in our apt complex. And I lightly flirted - she was out of my league. Turns out she thought I was funny. So she made it clear I should ask her out. I did. She is truly a nice person. And she liked me. But she wasn't able to hold her end of a conversation. She was a little boring. I was disappointed but I did not pursue it. I just couldn't. It would have been predatory.

 

And over the years I have on occasion had a fantasy about having sex with her because she was so hot. But in the real world I just could not do that. It would have been mean. It would have been exploiting the fact that she liked me. And I am - while nice looking - NOT hot. So she would have bedded me not for sport - but for a genuine strong emotional reason. And then when I tired of the physical part - what then.

 

 

I liked your post Mem. Very true, it's how I and most men I know feel as well. There was a girl who I knew for a long time since I was a kid who I think was attracted to me, she offered herself to me sexually but I declined. She is extremely hot, her facebook has 200 comments talking about how hot she is and how beautiful blah blah blah, and I won't say she isn't nice, she's extremely nice and probably a good person, but she is just really dumb. I couldn't even push myself to have sex with her because of I knew there would be lots of baggage and it would be scummy to use someone like that when I did not want to have anything to do with her outside of the bedroom.

 

If more people looked for desire rather than lust, everyone would be happier. All those guys women friendzone (for being not tall enough, being too blonde, etc) that they desire but don't immediatly lust for is a big mistake. Women confuse their lust for love often which is why you get all these situations of very abusive and cruel men that women just can't get enough of because of their looks. Men do it sometimes too, but generally are less able to date outside of their "league" unless they have a lot of financial "freedom" so it's not as common .

 

Today the brutal irony is I desire a woman who is not even half as "hot" as a chick who was trying to convince me to bang her, it's not that love is blind, I won't be that blind, but there is a lot more to life and relationships than being driven by pure beastial lust (or as women call it, "chemistry").

[CaliGuy]

Yes we all want that Tall hot guy but sometimes life isnt perfect

 

I dated a very sweet guy who was only 5'10 maybe 5'11 at most and he was great and i learned to eventually love him even though he was short

 

You can never predict who youre gonna fall in love with

 

*scratches head*

 

5'10"/5"11" is NOT short!

 

*lmao*

[OpenGL]

*scratches head*

 

5'10"/5"11" is NOT short!

 

*lmao*

 

I'm a woman's logical mind (LOL), anything under 6'5 is short. Anything under 5'10 is a midget.

[ella23]

*scratches head*

 

5'10"/5"11" is NOT short!

 

*lmao*

If that is short, what is average or tall according to you, Megan?

[OpenGL]

If that is short, what is average or tall according to you, Megan?

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2607861&postcount=138

[bananaboat11]

Anything under 6'5" is short?! holy crap

 

how tall are you? O.o

[ella23]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2607861&postcount=138

:lmao:

This thread is getting more and more ridiculous by the day.

You don't seriously believe that, OpenGL?

[cognac]

And over the years I have on occasion had a fantasy about having sex with her because she was so hot. But in the real world I just could not do that. It would have been mean. It would have been exploiting the fact that she liked me. And I am - while nice looking - NOT hot. So she would have bedded me not for sport - but for a genuine strong emotional reason. And then when I tired of the physical part - what then. [/Quote]

 

Hahahahaha Mem, our experiences are quite parallel. I find myself spankin it to that chick once in a while and sometimes during my really bad dry spells (haven't put it in anyone's pie in almost a year) I am itching to call her. But then I empty out my gas tank and my brain begins to function normally again, and I look at my phone with her number already dialed waiting for me to press the green button with a sigh of relief that I didn't.

 

This is why I don't believe all the B.S. about men being so "visual". Beyond the stereotypical Frat-tard and sports-crazed numbskull, men in my opinion care about personality more than women, and are better able to distinguish lust from love. Women complain about the men who sleep with them but don't want to date them even though these women think they are soooo hot, the truth is that men don't pretend that just because a woman looks good she is good for much more than a romp unless she has some kind of character or personality.

 

Women call it "chemistry and love" when that 6 foot tall, spikey haired, ed hardy shirt wearing muscleman grunts a few 1-syllable words at them and takes them to the bar bathroom, but men call it "just taking that slut to town!", outside of random sexual encounters, even the 6 foot tall spikey haired moron expects more from a woman than some physical features MTV says look good on women.

[OpenGL]

:lmao:

This thread is getting more and more ridiculous by the day.

You don't seriously believe that, OpenGL?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2607770&postcount=127

[AD1980]

Hahahahaha Mem, our experiences are quite parallel. I find myself spankin it to that chick once in a while and sometimes during my really bad dry spells (haven't put it in anyone's pie in almost a year) I am itching to call her. But then I empty out my gas tank and my brain begins to function normally again, and I look at my phone with her number already dialed waiting for me to press the green button with a sigh of relief that I didn't.

 

This is why I don't believe all the B.S. about men being so "visual". Beyond the stereotypical Frat-tard and sports-crazed numbskull, men in my opinion care about personality more than women, and are better able to distinguish lust from love. Women complain about the men who sleep with them but don't want to date them even though these women think they are soooo hot, the truth is that men don't pretend that just because a woman looks good she is good for much more than a romp unless she has some kind of character or personality.

 

Women call it "chemistry and love" when that 6 foot tall, spikey haired, ed hardy shirt wearing muscleman grunts a few 1-syllable words at them and takes them to the bar bathroom, but men call it "just taking that slut to town!", outside of random sexual encounters, even the 6 foot tall spikey haired moron expects more from a woman than some physical features MTV says look good on women.

 

I actually agree imo women are more visual..Men will notice hot girls and comment but if theyre too hot we figure shes high maentenance and not worth our time..

 

If a women sees a guy she think is her ideal mate physically shell start getting dellsuional and want to Marry the guy before they meet..

[D-Jam]

*scratches head*

 

5'10"/5"11" is NOT short!

 

*lmao*

Bear in mind the guy must remain taller than the girl even when she wants to pull out those 4" heels.

 

Seen one girl who was 5'9" and wanted a guy who is taller than her even when she wears 4" heels.

 

She's still single. Met a few tall ones, but they were not on her same wavelength. Also had plenty of shorter guys come along that she rejected.

 

I've told her the same stuff as I tell MissJones.

[OpenGL]

I've told her the same stuff as I tell MissJones.

 

One ear and out the other until they hit the age of 45.

[hoping2heal]

One ear and out the other until they hit the age of 45.

 

 

Don't knock her until you've tried her. You two seem to be operating on a nearly identical wavelength. Give her a kiss sugary bear.

[Johnny M]

There was this other girl - Laurie. Pretty face - body was a 9. And for some reason she liked me. We met in the health club in our apt complex. And I lightly flirted - she was out of my league. Turns out she thought I was funny. So she made it clear I should ask her out. I did. She is truly a nice person. And she liked me. But she wasn't able to hold her end of a conversation. She was a little boring. I was disappointed but I did not pursue it. I just couldn't. It would have been predatory.

 

And over the years I have on occasion had a fantasy about having sex with her because she was so hot. But in the real world I just could not do that. It would have been mean. It would have been exploiting the fact that she liked me. And I am - while nice looking - NOT hot. So she would have bedded me not for sport - but for a genuine strong emotional reason. And then when I tired of the physical part - what then.

And this is exactly why nice guys finish last. Even when a girl wants them, they find a way to screw it up.

[randall]

I dated a very sweet guy who was only 5'10 maybe 5'11 at most and he was great and i learned to eventually love him even though he was short

Wow, someone who has accepted a short guy who was only 5'11. This thread has turned into one big epic fail.

[Stung]

Good luck keeping a guy like that around for too long.

 

It's easy to have a "preference" when that "preference" is something universally attractive, like a tall guy with a lot of muscles and a lot of money ,that every woman wants. Imagine if men had a "preference" for huge natural tits, long natural blonde hair who are tall skinny women. Hey, don't take it personally torrance, it's just a preference

 

Last time I checked, an awful lot of men DO have that preference. Are you unclear on what the word 'preference' means?

[D-Jam]

One ear and out the other until they hit the age of 45.

That's her problem though.

 

You need to think the same way.

 

I said my peace to MissJones based on my own logic and experiences. She can either choose to listen or think I'm full of it. It's her life and it bears no meaning on your life or mine.

 

Stop thinking women owe you something.

[cognac]

Last time I checked, an awful lot of men DO have that preference. Are you unclear on what the word 'preference' means?

 

Maybe in their pornos or at the strip club, but for dating men really don't have a type. Men find a lot of types of women attractive in stark contrast with women who don't find many men attractive (not talking about personality here, mostly in looks). I look at my friends' girlfriends and all have been radically different looking, some were tall, some were short, some were olive skinned, some were gingers, etc. Even my self I find myself having so many "types" that I don't have a "type".

 

With women on the other hand you'll find that their boyfriends all look act and dress the same. I notice with the women in my life this trend .

[Stung]

I notice with the women in my life this trend .

 

As evidenced by many of your other anecdotes, I feel it is safe to say that the extremely limited number of women in your life are not wholly reflective of women in general. Nor are you and your guy friends representative of all men everywhere (phew!).

 

My husband actually has a physical 'type'...he prefers tall, pale, leggy redheads with glasses. I've met several of his exes and at least a few matched up with this type better than I do. I'm a tall, pale, bosomy brunette who occasionally wears glasses. I guess I could sit around stressing about the fact that I don't match up with his physical ideal in every way or I could try to remake myself a bit physically but I choose to focus on the fact that he LOVES me and chose to marry me.

 

I'm the one who doesn't particularly have a set type. I've dated men of many different makes and models, a range of sizes, ages, races and nationalities represented. I do have some personal preference for darker-complected men with a full head of dark hair, but I have dated a few blonds or gingers, and while my pale husband has thick dark hair, I'm pretty sure that's only going to last another five years at the rate his temples are growing . Oh well. I guess since he's a good man, lover and father, and, you know, I LOVE HIM, I'll try to restrain my 'natural female inclination' to leave him if his hair falls out...