What's Your Biggest FEAR or FRUSTRATION related to DATING?

[Itzo]

What's your biggest challenge when it comes to dating a person from the opposite sex?

 

Keep in mind that the meaning of communication is the response you get.

 

Once you share your fears & frustrations with other people, you will get this inner relief. The only way to eliminate fears is to face them directly, and talk about them ...

 

Write couple of sentences with the most stuff that worries you about dating & relationships.

 

Try this out, I am sure you will get valuable feedback from other members of this site.

 

Thanks for stoppin' by

Itzo

[ShamWoW]

My biggest frustration are the hypocritical women who don't live up to their own standards.

 

I believe that many young women in the USA unfortunately have the "princess syndrome" and feel that they are entitled to the perfect man and life - no matter what their own actions are.

 

These same women will quickly judge and denounce you for any fleeting issue they can find.

 

I really like it when I get labeled because of my line of work, or because I like to smoke God's plant.

 

As same woman that labels me a druggie gets ****faced at the bar and cheats on her boyfriends.

[CaliGuy]

Bad apples. I have met a ton of them through online sites so I've put much more focus on meeting new people while I am "oot and aboot" (sorry, Canadian friends! lol) in town. It's much easier for me to discern body language when I am talking to someone face to face than dealing with an "imaginary" person on the other side of a computer.

[callingyouuu]

My biggest frustration are the hypocritical women who don't live up to their own standards.

 

I believe that many young women in the USA unfortunately have the "princess syndrome" and feel that they are entitled to the perfect man and life - no matter what their own actions are.

 

These same women will quickly judge and denounce you for any fleeting issue they can find.

I wholeheartedly agree: +1.

 

I also don't like when people aren't open about what they're looking for while they are dating. I think that's the biggest reason why relationships don't get as far as they should; people are just too reserved about letting their partners know where they stand, preventing the relationship from growing naturally.

[Itzo]

I wholeheartedly agree: +1.

 

I also don't like when people aren't open about what they're looking for while they are dating. I think that's the biggest reason why relationships don't get as far as they should; people are just too reserved about letting their partners know where they stand, preventing the relationship from growing naturally.

__________________________________

 

I tend to think most women do not know what they are looking for.

 

Most of them say, he has to be nice, charming and so forth ... but in reality they choose a man that is exactly the opposite of that?

 

So what's wrong with this?

 

Well, women just have different definition/understanding of "being nice." Most men interpret that "niceness" in more "feminine terms" that turn off women.

[Itzo]

My biggest frustration are the hypocritical women who don't live up to their own standards.

 

I believe that many young women in the USA unfortunately have the "princess syndrome" and feel that they are entitled to the perfect man and life - no matter what their own actions are.

 

These same women will quickly judge and denounce you for any fleeting issue they can find.

 

I really like it when I get labeled because of my line of work, or because I like to smoke God's plant.

 

As same woman that labels me a druggie gets ****faced at the bar and cheats on her boyfriends.

 

ShamWoW, what are some of the problems that the "princess syndrome" is causing in your life?

[paddington bear]

1) frustration related to me: When I really, really like someone I'm still scared that if I show them I like them, that they will reject me (this at the age of 37...which I know is ridiculous, but born of too many bad heart-breaks and rejections). So, when I do meet someone that I click with nothing ever happens because I don't give them any signals that I like them because I'm too damn scared..

 

2) actually, simply meeting single, available people. It's really hard. Where are they? A friend keeps saying I just have to wait a couple of years for the next round of divorces to happen, but that just sounds like such a gloomy way of looking at it.

 

So many times I've met some lovely guy and got chatting and it turns out that they're already in a relationship. I don't seem to come across single men at all, they're all in couples or if they are single, still hung up on their ex or not ready or whatever crap like that.

 

There are single men out there, I just don't seem to come into contact with them - I think those men in relationships have the confidence to chat to everyone, whereas single men are less inclined to chat to you.

 

3) men showing interest in me, flirting with me, leading me on and then...as soon as that interest is reciprocated, abruptly wanting to friendzone me/meeting someone else/reveraling that they already have a girlfriend

 

4) that horrible little voice in the back of my head that makes me wonder if I actually will be single for the rest of my life...when younger, I just assumed I'd meet someone, now 3 years off 40 I'm beginning to think that it it more likely that I'll never be in another happy relationship and that I've missed the boat.

[Bejita463]

1) frustration related to me: When I really, really like someone I'm still scared that if I show them I like them, that they will reject me (this at the age of 37...which I know is ridiculous, but born of too many bad heart-breaks and rejections). So, when I do meet someone that I click with nothing ever happens because I don't give them any signals that I like them because I'm too damn scared..

 

2) actually, simply meeting single, available people. It's really hard. Where are they? A friend keeps saying I just have to wait a couple of years for the next round of divorces to happen, but that just sounds like such a gloomy way of looking at it.

 

So many times I've met some lovely guy and got chatting and it turns out that they're already in a relationship. I don't seem to come across single men at all, they're all in couples or if they are single, still hung up on their ex or not ready or whatever crap like that.

 

There are single men out there, I just don't seem to come into contact with them - I think those men in relationships have the confidence to chat to everyone, whereas single men are less inclined to chat to you.

 

3) men showing interest in me, flirting with me, leading me on and then...as soon as that interest is reciprocated, abruptly wanting to friendzone me/meeting someone else/reveraling that they already have a girlfriend

 

4) that horrible little voice in the back of my head that makes me wonder if I actually will be single for the rest of my life...when younger, I just assumed I'd meet someone, now 3 years off 40 I'm beginning to think that it it more likely that I'll never be in another happy relationship and that I've missed the boat.

 

If I were to type a serious response to this thread, this is what it would look like.

[Itzo]

1) frustration related to me: When I really, really like someone I'm still scared that if I show them I like them, that they will reject me (this at the age of 37...which I know is ridiculous, but born of too many bad heart-breaks and rejections). So, when I do meet someone that I click with nothing ever happens because I don't give them any signals that I like them because I'm too damn scared..

 

2) actually, simply meeting single, available people. It's really hard. Where are they? A friend keeps saying I just have to wait a couple of years for the next round of divorces to happen, but that just sounds like such a gloomy way of looking at it.

 

So many times I've met some lovely guy and got chatting and it turns out that they're already in a relationship. I don't seem to come across single men at all, they're all in couples or if they are single, still hung up on their ex or not ready or whatever crap like that.

 

There are single men out there, I just don't seem to come into contact with them - I think those men in relationships have the confidence to chat to everyone, whereas single men are less inclined to chat to you.

 

3) men showing interest in me, flirting with me, leading me on and then...as soon as that interest is reciprocated, abruptly wanting to friendzone me/meeting someone else/reveraling that they already have a girlfriend

 

4) that horrible little voice in the back of my head that makes me wonder if I actually will be single for the rest of my life...when younger, I just assumed I'd meet someone, now 3 years off 40 I'm beginning to think that it it more likely that I'll never be in another happy relationship and that I've missed the boat.

 

I understand your concerns. It make sense that most single men do not have the nuts to approach & talk to women. Just to be open, because of approach anxiety, fear & lack of confidence.

 

So when you chat with someone, ask him if he's single as a top priority question it will help you decide where he's at, and if it is worth the time to spend with that person, when so many options are available.

 

Did you know that most single people are located in the big cities around the world? They are lonely, and waiting for something to happen, rathar than taking an action, and experience life.

 

Paddington bear, if you were to solve this problem (finding only men in relationships), how will you approach the situation to fix this problem?

 

I am sure this is very challenging for you & frustrating, because of the inability to relate fully with the other person.

[counterman]

I agree with the "princess syndrome". Sometimes, I feel I have to be the perfect man and whenever I meet someone with a quality that I could do well to have, I have to work on improving myself. Oh, and maybe to impress her friends and family as well. As for herself? I like her for who she is. Some say what they think they want in a guy which is sometimes different to what they really want.

 

I fear being led on in a relationship. My partner would say that she loves me but would not back it up with any actions. So, my feelings would be growing, despite the slight doubt, whilst hers is dwindling and our relationship ends up going nowhere.

 

I fear never being able to meet the one who truly accepts me loves me for who I am. I know I have flaws but, I mean, someone who can accept the essential aspects that embody who I am.

 

I get frustrated when you do not meet know someone's true demeanour until later on.

[sagetalk]

__________________________________

 

I tend to think most women do not know what they are looking for.

 

Most of them say, he has to be nice, charming and so forth ... but in reality they choose a man that is exactly the opposite of that?

 

This is one of mine. Women tend to label jerks as nice, sweet, good guys to make their self feel better about their choice. Being a real nice/good guy is incredibly difficult and full of sacrifice, and these morons who go through none of that hardship and do whatever makes them feel good at that moment get labeled nice/good anyway. Extremely frustrating.

[paddington bear]

I understand your concerns. It make sense that most single men do not have the nuts to approach & talk to women. Just to be open, because of approach anxiety, fear & lack of confidence.

 

So when you chat with someone, ask him if he's single as a top priority question it will help you decide where he's at, and if it is worth the time to spend with that person, when so many options are available.

 

Did you know that most single people are located in the big cities around the world? They are lonely, and waiting for something to happen, rathar than taking an action, and experience life.

 

Paddington bear, if you were to solve this problem (finding only men in relationships), how will you approach the situation to fix this problem?

 

I am sure this is very challenging for you & frustrating, because of the inability to relate fully with the other person.

 

OK, here's what I am going to do (am doing):

 

More eye contact, more smiles to show someone for instance, across the room, that should he want to talk to me, he would not be snubbed or ignored.

 

You're right, I should find out up front asap if they are single and available or not. Firstly it is not that often that I get chatting to men. Secondly when I do, they are usually a friend of a friend and I already know from the offset that they are unavailable. I also find, even if I'm simply chatting to some guy (as opposed to flirting) that at some point he will blurt out 'I'm married' or 'I have a girlfriend'. But yes, for those strangers I'm attracted to I should and will ask upfront.

 

I am in a big city. I have lots of friends and a good social life. I have tried internet dating, which I know is an option, but an option after trying once or twice that I hate and mistrust. Every time I think of going back to it it gives me a creeping, shuddery feeling. I also don't like getting emails from guys and then maybe not being attracted to them. Answering is leading them on, ignoring them is just mean and makes me feel guilty since they've been nice enough to make the effort to contact me - then there are the weirdos e.g. the guy that wanted to take me on a first date to a bondage style sex club. (and he's just one out of many)

 

As regards solving the problem. I don't know. At the age I'm at most people are either in a LTR, just out of an LTR and are messed up emotionally, have a lot of baggage, are confirmed bachelors, have unresolved issues etc. Not all, but a lot, including me. It's just the way it is...and on top of that, we all, male and female work much more these days and tend to go from work to home and in our free time hang out with our friends, which means you don't meet anyone new.

 

I think luck is very much involved, you can help it along by being open to new people, but ultimately right place and right time with both parties open to something happening e.g. you could meet a guy in January, he's just split up from someone, doesn't want to get involved with someone else and you'll be overlooked, he simply can't see you, but meet the same guy in December and maybe sparks would fly. Timing is everything and we've no control over that.

 

And it is a numbers game, along with 'you've got to kiss a lot of frogs' (which I can't, because there's no frogs to be found) I think getting out and about socially and simply talking to and meeting new people (male or female), simply being social and interested in others is always good for the soul.

 

Most of my friends are in couples and their friends are in couples...like the new years eve party I went to. I think I was the only single person there. Hard for your friends to do that matchmaking thing that couples like to do when they don't know other single people to invite along too.

 

I've gone beyond frustrated to a kind of dull acceptance of my situation and try to make the rest of my life as happy and fulfilling as possible, but at times you can't ignore it and in those times it still totally sucks. What I think is the worst is the answer to this: They are lonely, and waiting for something to happen, rathar than taking an action, and experience life.

 

Thing is, I have taken action, I have worked on myself, I have tried to not repeat the same stupid mistakes, I have tried to flirt more, go out more and so on and on...and the result of all that hard work, self-reflection, weightloss, being open, flirting, talking is that not a damn thing has changed (and no, I'm not obese or ugly, I'm not stupid and I don't smell or anything obviously off-putting).

 

All that 'taking action' has got me nowhere, which leads me to the depressing conclusion that I have no control whatsoever about my single status and sometimes I think 'ach, why bother any more? I put effort in = nothing happens, I do nothing = nothing happens'.

 

Gosh that sounds so negative. I'm actually pretty happy, but thinking rationally and after years of this, it is hard to believe that anything will change, no matter what I do, because all evidence points to the contrary.

 

Then again...life can always surprise you. I have a lover, and he basically turned up on my doorstep one day to ask me out. That was totally unexpected. So everything can change within the blink of an eye (which is what I'm counting on!)

[Itzo]

OK, here's what I am going to do (am doing):

 

More eye contact, more smiles to show someone for instance, across the room, that should he want to talk to me, he would not be snubbed or ignored.

 

You're right, I should find out up front asap if they are single and available or not. Firstly it is not that often that I get chatting to men. Secondly when I do, they are usually a friend of a friend and I already know from the offset that they are unavailable. I also find, even if I'm simply chatting to some guy (as opposed to flirting) that at some point he will blurt out 'I'm married' or 'I have a girlfriend'. But yes, for those strangers I'm attracted to I should and will ask upfront.

 

As regards solving the problem. I don't know. At the age I'm at most people are either in a LTR, just out of an LTR and are messed up emotionally, have a lot of baggage, are confirmed bachelors, have unresolved issues etc. Not all, but a lot, including me. It's just the way it is...and on top of that, we all, male and female work much more these days and tend to go from work to home and in our free time hang out with our friends, which means you don't meet anyone new.

 

I think luck is very much involved, you can help it along by being open to new people, but ultimately right place and right time with both parties open to something happening e.g. you could meet a guy in January, he's just split up from someone, doesn't want to get involved with someone else and you'll be overlooked, he simply can't see you, but meet the same guy in December and maybe sparks would fly. Timing is everything and we've no control over that.

 

Most of my friends are in couples and their friends are in couples...like the new years eve party I went to. I think I was the only single person there. Hard for your friends to do that matchmaking thing that couples like to do when they don't know other single people to invite along too.

 

I've gone beyond frustrated to a kind of dull acceptance of my situation and try to make the rest of my life as happy and fulfilling as possible, but at times you can't ignore it and in those times it still totally sucks. What I think is the worst is the answer to this: They are lonely, and waiting for something to happen, rathar than taking an action, and experience life.

 

Thing is, I have taken action, I have worked on myself, I have tried to not repeat the same stupid mistakes, I have tried to flirt more, go out more and so on and on...and the result of all that hard work, self-reflection, weightloss, being open, flirting, talking is that not a damn thing has changed (and no, I'm not obese or ugly, I'm not stupid and I don't smell or anything obviously off-putting).

 

Then again...life can always surprise you. I have a lover, and he basically turned up on my doorstep one day to ask me out. That was totally unexpected. So everything can change within the blink of an eye (which is what I'm counting on!)

____________________

 

Awesome, Thanks for sharing Paddington Bear.

I think in order to attract more single men into your life is not that hard thing to do. The most thing that turns on single males is the female's NICENESS.

 

If you are extremely nice to a man, he will be into you within seconds. If you show this "being an angel" & "caring" behavior, it is very attractive to men.

 

Most men interpret this "niceness" more into sexual terms, rather than something more settle I am not saying that you are going to attract only HORNY men, who want only sex, but you can ignite this sexual energy inside them that can really be helpful establishing some kind of relation.

 

More eye contact is good, that's an awesome step, indicates an interest, but it is really the first step. This behavior of niceness is really a power to attract single men into your life. So try it out, and let me know of the results you get from it. It is a very simple and powerful "technique" you may use.

 

Having all this in mind, Paddington Bear, what's the ideal outcome or result you want to achieve?

[Satisfaction]

When they are dating you cos you look like their ex

or when they are dating you to pass the time till their ex comes back.

I am not so scared anymore if they are crazy and have commitment issues but with the ex stuff its is always some genuine behavior in there somewhere and you just can't tell!

It keeps happening to me, wondering if I am attracting it somehow

[MyNameIsJonas]

My biggest issue with dating is the fear of rejection although it's not the typical fear of rejection most know.

 

It takes a special woman for me to let my guard down simply because I have been burned a lot in the past by both women and friends (both sexes). This has caused me to build a thick wall that goes up whenever I meet someone new. Sometimes I meet someone, especially when a woman that I am "dating," in which I feel a special connection, and I start to lower my wall. When I let my guard down, I start having feelings for a woman, and when that happens the woman could still blow me off and leave me feeling worse than before. I absolutely hate that feeling so I try to avoid it at all costs.

 

This actually happened to me quite recently and I'm still feeling the after effects of it. I let my wall down and started to have feelings for a woman, then she completely cut me out of my life without warning or reason. It killed me inside because I know I didn't do anything wrong and that she is just an immature person who didn't know a good guy when she saw one. I still felt like an idiot for letting my wall down for someone who wasn't worth it in hindsight and that is just going to make it that much harder for the next woman that comes along.

[Jersey Shortie]

That I am both not enough and too much for a man.

 

Which sums up alot.

 

I also fear that men today don't really want the things I want and are happy being complacent then they are proactive. Commitment, loyality, real bonding..yada yada yada..in the face of all the other options they have. And if they do want them, they want them with Maxim models.

[Johnny M]

Most of them say, he has to be nice, charming and so forth ... but in reality they choose a man that is exactly the opposite of that?

One thing I've realized about women is that they say that they want one thing, think that they want another, and, on a subconscious level, actually want something else entirely. That's why many women who claim to want a stable 'nice guy' keep fantasizing about the perfect prince/knight in shining armor they see in Hollywood chick flips, and end up with a 'bad boy' who treats her like ****. So don't ever pay any attention to what a woman claims to want in a man.

[Johnny M]

My greatest frustration has to do with the role that a man is expected to play in the dating game. A man is supposed to take upon himself all the unpleasant and uncomfortable aspects of dating. As a man, you are expected to initiate contact with the girl, chase her, impress her with your confidence, decide where to take her on dates, often pay for her, make sure she is not bored, etc, etc. And when it doesn't work out, you get to deal with rejection, unanswered phone calls and being told that you're a great 'friend'. In contrast, it's perfectly acceptable for a woman to be passive and shy and put little effort into meeting men. All a woman has to do at the early stages of the dating process is to try to have a good time and decide if she likes the guy.

 

So a man is basically expected to jump through all sorts of hoops, put himself in various potentially embarrassing/humiliating situations, overcome his inhibitions (i.e. shyness) - and all of this is simply to get the dating process rolling, before he even knows that the girl he's after is a keeper. That's probably the reason why I don't approach women as often as I should - I feel that the whole 'chasing skirts' thing is beneath me.

 

As for my greatest fear, it's getting married and having kids only to go through a divorce several years later. With divorce rates at 50%, it's pretty damn scary to make such a long-term commitment. Women always wonder why men are afraid of commitments. A better question is why aren't women more afraid of making the marriage commitment? Would you invest your life savings in a business enterprise that has a 50% probability of failure?

[ella23]

That I am both not enough and too much for a man.

 

Which sums up alot.

 

I also fear that men today don't really want the things I want and are happy being complacent then they are proactive. Commitment, loyality, real bonding..yada yada yada..in the face of all the other options they have. And if they do want them, they want them with Maxim models.

 

lol...

[InsatiableBri]

My biggest frustration is meeting Mr. Grass-is-always-greener

 

He knows the type of woman he wants to meet. He meets her...and because he actually meets the girl he things is wonderful and meets every expectation he thought he wanted he now thinks that he should want something more and doesn't commit to the girl who fit his bill.

[JohnP82]

My biggest frustration with dating is that I feel like I am dismissed because of the way I look and rarely do people take the time to get to know what an awesome person I am.

 

I hate that most girls don't feel that instant attraction to me and only become attracted once they get to know me.

[aerogurl87]

My biggest fear is that he's only after sex. Maybe I'm a little jaded, but when I first meet any guy I always have it in the back of my mind that he's after only sex unless he proves me wrong. And that's about it.

[frustr8ed]

My biggest frustration is the women I'm attracted to aren't attracted to me and the women that are attracted to me I'm not to them.

[paddington bear]

My biggest frustration with dating is that I feel like I am dismissed because of the way I look and rarely do people take the time to get to know what an awesome person I am.

 

I hate that most girls don't feel that instant attraction to me and only become attracted once they get to know me.

 

Yeah but I love guys like you, I love that men who grow on you, because it's like a delicious surprise that you didn't expect.

 

I went out with a very good looking guy once. I remember when we split up someone said to me 'yeah well, he was good looking on the outside but rotten on the inside'.

 

Always better to be good looking on the inside

[Bejita463]

Yeah but I love guys like you, I love that men who grow on you, because it's like a delicious surprise that you didn't expect.

 

I went out with a very good looking guy once. I remember when we split up someone said to me 'yeah well, he was good looking on the outside but rotten on the inside'.

 

Always better to be good looking on the inside

 

I've been told by "helpful" acquaintances that I am attractive enough that my courtesy and sincerity makes me look like a player. I assume I was supposed to take that as a "you seem too good to be true" style compliment, but I am particularly insulted when I get such lovely encouragement.

 

If they are correct however, and as I wouldn't know I admit it is possible, that would then mean that being decent looking is working against me. It seems a particularly ridiculous notion to me, but I've had more than one lady say it to me. Maybe I am pushing player vibes on accident somehow, which would be an accomplishment since I don't even know how to be a player. That's just not my bag.

 

 

That was kind of rambly and disjointed. I am aware of this, and I'm not fixing it. Nyah.