Maggs Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 (edited) Not with my fiance and I, we're still great. But something else. I have a female friend at work who I've bonded with. We spent a lot of time outside of work together because we were both in LDR's. We were each other's rock, no one else knew how we felt apart from us. And that's why our bond is so tight. But it's all fallen apart now. You see, her man was in Afghanistan and was killed a few weeks ago. I'm broken for her, we all are. And I don't know what else to do to help. I've spent a lot of time with her before the funeral and was with her every minute of the visitations and funeral. And now she's starting to isolate herself and turning to the bottle. I don't know what to do!! I'm worried sick for her. I've spoken to friends from work and her Padre assigned to her. We're all doing our best but still so lost. I don't think there's anything else we can do at the moment, but it's so heartbreaking!! Edited January 15, 2010 by Maggs Spelling error
Flavour Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Be present. In any possible way, even if you are often rejected. And take into consideration that probably she needs a professional help. Try to convince her to seek it before it is too late. A psychotherapy works wonders also without meds. This kind of help is absolutely necessary when this kind of spiral starts.
Sparkling Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Not with my fiance and I, we're still great. But something else. I have a female friend at work who I've bonded with. We spent a lot of time outside of work together because we were both in LDR's. We were each other's rock, no one else knew how we felt apart from us. And that's why our bond is so tight. But it's all fallen apart now. You see, her man was in Afghanistan and was killed a few weeks ago. I'm broken for her, we all are. And I don't know what else to do to help. I've spent a lot of time with her before the funeral and was with her every minute of the visitations and funeral. And now she's starting to isolate herself and turning to the bottle. I don't know what to do!! I'm worried sick for her. I've spoken to friends from work and her Padre assigned to her. We're all doing our best but still so lost. I don't think there's anything else we can do at the moment, but it's so heartbreaking!! Her heart must be breaking, and I am sure you are feeling helpless because in reality nothing you say at this moment will take away this initial shock and pain...only time will ease it. It would be very beneficial if she could join a support group with other women who have experienced the same thing she has and talk through it..or listen. The bottle...I don't understand why people turn to something which is ultimately going to make themselves feel even worse, because alcohol is a depressant. I would just continue to be there for her even if you just sit silently by her for companionship. You could sit quietly by watching a movie with her just so she isn't alone...if she allows you to. Talk to her when she is receptive to talk, support her quietly if she isn't. Walk with her in nature if she enjoys that sort of thing. Nature can be very healing, or sitting watching flowing water is soothing. Are there activities she enjoyed doing which would distract her from her pain, even for a moment or two? I would also try to make sure she has some good meals to eat regularly. When you abuse alcohol, you tend to be undernourished. Although she is going through a horrible time, she is blessed to have a friend like you who cares so deeply about her. Take care of yourself too!
doushenka Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Ohhh, honey, that's awful. I'm so sorry for your friend. There's knowing it's a possibility, and then there's seeing that man on the doorstep with a flag in a box. Short of pushing yourself into her life and singlehandedly nursing her through this grief, there really isn't much you can do. Make sure she knows she has a support system; other than that, it's up to her. Above all, look after yourself so that when she does ask for help, you're in fit shape to give it.
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