Author dannie19 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 I think I am stupid afterall, despite all your wise words and knowing it all to be true myself I sent him a text last night! Why did I do that, I can't even believe what I wrote 'I love you and want you to know I don't hate you' how stupid becausee that is the total oppsite of how I feel. He hasn't replied, which I suppose is good but adds more hurt. Am dreading Monday because we work together, he isn't my boss but we will pass in the corridor etc what am I meant to do, feeling weak now, argh, can't go begging for him back even though life seems really to have lost it's shine without him. Double argggh!
Author dannie19 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Oh, he's not getting possessive, he seems quite relieved to be shot of me and that hurts because it was him who hounded me initially I didn't even much like him as a friend, real role reversal now. Don't know how he's brought me so low.
Author dannie19 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Exactly, I know I can't especailly when he is such a mess, I mean he's even tried to get me to take drugs like him which can't be right. Just worried about my wavering resolve to NC, need to stay angry and disgusted with him, which would be easier if I didn't work with him. Oh well, there is noone else who can sort this out, I'll just have to keep strong, super super strong and angry.
fooled once Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Can I ask how old you are? You haven't even begun to do NC. You keep reaching out to him; almost begging him to be with you. YOU ARE WORTH MORE. And until you see that, you are going to keep chasing him. It is almost like a kid who is bad, but feel neglected from his parents -- even negative attention is better than no attention. That is how I see you -- doing anything in your power to get a reaction out of him because even though he continues to show you who is REALLY is, you keep thinking of him as this great catch and will do whatever (almost) to get him and keep him. I wish you would dump him, but I don't see that happening
Author dannie19 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 I am in my thirties, I know a bit old for being this weak-willed. Anyway, I managed to not speak to him at work today but it was awful and I felt sick and jealous of the people I did see speaking to him. However, an hour after work he sent me a text saying 'Please don't think I was avoiding you!' Dunno what that means, I thought I was the one doing the avoiding, maybe he was being sarcastic? Haven't replied, so that good I suppose!
skywriter Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Hi danniegal! I'm so glad that you didn't answer his text mssg! You deserve an attagirl for that! Even if you do eventually answer his text, the fact that you haven't thus far is a start towards him not being at the top of your priority list. Hey, gotta start somewhere and then next time give a lil' less and so forth. As far as your age, no matter there either. I consider myself to maybe be a late bloomer on lifes lessons too. I was married and raising kids for half my life and then dumped by my H of nearly 17 yrs. So I was outta the loop for a long time. Besides there's no set rule for what age we are when we make a mistake , make a bad choice, whatever.
Author dannie19 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Thank you, always happy when I see I have a reply from you, makes me feel better so thanks again!
skywriter Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 dannie, Just want to be supportive towards you. I know how it feels to exhaust your friends with these things. Then too feel so foolish and ashamed to admit to others that you're even in these situations too. I even tire myself out ! Oh and by the way, I've gotten the ole', "I'm not ignoring you line too." So, now, I'm not ignoring him either. I'm just trying to get on with my life, accept what is and let it go. Learn what I can and take great strides to not be in such a situation as this again.
Author dannie19 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 Oh, I don't know if anyone can be bothered to read this, I feel like a broken record but as it's an affair I have only person who know who I can turn to and I imagine they are more than a bit sick of me! Well, I managed to ignore him for two days at work then at lunch time today he marched into my office and said 'This not talking is stupid, I'm your best frind, come for a drink with me after work' I didn't go and I was feeling really empowered by that but now he's texted me saying I can ask him anything and he won't let me down. I doubt it's true so I replied 'your actions have shown that's untrue. You need to have empathy for me not pity and I won't beg for it' I just feel so wretched now, like he's trying to make things better and I slap him down. I'm not strong enough to reject him, what if I regret it?! Arrrgggh!
whichwayisup Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 He knows exactly how to manipulate you. To push your buttons so you'll do what he wants. Try to find another job during your off hours from work. It's up to you to get the strength to stand up to him and show him not only in words, but inactions that you are fed up and done with him. If you continue to let him snow you this way, manipulate you, then he will continue to treat you like crap.
skywriter Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Dannie, It's very hard, I am realising these things right along with you, in my own situation. Just like myself, we have, to not, fool ourselves, about these types of men, like it or not. They can seperate their emotions. These guys know how to bait us. They know the words we wanna hear and when we hear those words, we confuse them, with actual interest in us. The MM that I was involved with has said, "we're friends, right?" I said to myself, I deserved that remark because I put myself there. I knew better, but I didn't do better. So I am a friends with benefits. Ok? What's beneficial about it? I compromise my integrity, so I can be called a friend, that gave my body to him, in exchange for ________ . Notta. Everytime that "I", have taken the bait. I've regretted it, it never changes, I always see a fool, staring back in the mirror. You know this guy, and so in the end, you have to decide.
Author dannie19 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 Thank you for letting me learn from you. You are right I know him and know he won't change, sadly I think he does believe the things he says and isn't baiting me but the drugs and alcohol have warped his brain, he's not really capable of seeing the mad fantasy in his words. By the way I am sure you don't see a fool in the mirror because all the advice you have taken the time to give me has been wise and insightful. Thank you.
confusedinkansas Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Anyone who is having an affair with a married man - or woman / or / someone that is otherwise involved with another person.......... You simply CANNOT expect your MM to leave his surroundings to just BE WITH YOU. To just PHONE YOU. To be supportive of YOU. YOU are a secret part of his life. YOU signed up for it. I think you're being irrational. If you want someone to be there for you - Pick someone that's not already involved with someone else and can devote the time you require. I'm with some of the other posters - What you say in your initial post about him being an alcoholic, drug using, bi-polar person....Why would you be with someone like that.
skywriter Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 dannie, I'm glad that he isn't baiting you. I'm relieved to hear that you seem to understand that he's believing his own fantasies. That says you are insightful as to what's going on too. For myself, I just want to put this behind me, and be me, no sneaking, no pretending, just get back to who I am.
Mimolicious Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Danni- seriously... this guy is not much of a winner. Keep strong and moving. You dont want to be in this kind of environment (addictions), I mean unless you share the same interests... I'm just saying. I am not sure how religious you are but GOD can be saving you from further issues. It's a blessing in disguise! Think of yourself as "priceless" and cut of the trash out of your life and dont settle for less. I wish you strenght.
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