netwizard Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Hello everyone. The last time I posted anything to LS I was with my ex. Now, after a 13 month relationship; it has ended. My holidays were HORRIBLE, we broke up before Thanksgiving and we got our "closure" before the New Year. Fast forward to today, I won't lie, I do miss her at times. I now take a step back and look at our relationship and the problems we had. We made plans to get married and have a daughter but now that I look back, was this really at all realistic or a naive fantasy? We were both each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend; our first "love" at 21 lol. I ask myself, why do I want to marry someone that has less affection towards me than I give to her? Now, I'm not saying I don't have flaws too but mainly I'm trying to get over my first "love." Love? What is love really? In my heart, I knew I loved her but did she really love me back? Tell me, why should I cry over her?
Silver_star Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Nearly days before my ex broke up with me he said "You know ill always love you right?". This came after a heated discussion i had with him after he neglected me again and made me feel helpless(i was literally stranded with a flat tire and he was with his buddies and refused to help me out). Anyways I should have seen this as a Big red flag as there have been many in our relationship. Seeing as tho you hvae been on LS when u were with ur ex...maybe u were experiencing red flags too, warning signs of whats to come? Anyways my point is. My feeelings were great, so great that they overpowered my logic and my values. His feelings did not match up, and even if he did love me (which i beleive in a way he did) It wasnt enough for the relationship to work, because he was not fully available to me emotionally. I think the same applies for ur ex. She could not have given you her all, and her reasons may vary...and even if she decides she can now (dont take her back) because time will take you down the very same road. I think if it is meant to be, it wont be so hard, it wont hurt your heart and it wont knot your stomach. "Getting over" your first love maybe isnt the expression for it...but letting go will make you stronger as a person and make you see and appreciate yourself because you will take the time.
Silver_star Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 It also makes me wonder how long they were thinking of breaking up before it actually happened, and why they felt they couldnt address the problem differently.
gaudi Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I'm feeling for you wizard. I lost my girl of 2 years just before christmas, hurting like hell. I can sympathise/empathise with how you're feeling. in answer to your question "why should you cry", it's because crying is a necessary part of the healing process. Believe me, when you feel like crying, just cry, let it all out. You can't keep those feelings all bottled up because they will find another way out of you. There will come a time when you've done all your crying and will then be able to start moving on with your life. That might seem like the last thing you want to think about right now, but eventually, it's gonna happen. And if you've gotten rid of a lot of negative energy already then it will be a lot easier to do. As for your question about "what is love" well God alone knows the answer to that one, I'm starting to lean towards it's just something to do with chemicals in your body/mind, because nothing should hurt this much. Silver Star makes a great point about this not being LOVE and MEANT TO BE because if it was it wouldn't hurt so much. I think that's right, and the way you (and I) are feeling right now cannot and should be classed as love. Let's call it heartbreak. And if you don't have at least one heartbreak in your life (although it hurts like hell) then you haven't lived. Best of luck bud.
Recommended Posts