beanzmom Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 (edited) Okay, H is currently in college, finishing his bachelor's degree. He is a HS dropout and went back and got his GED and two Associates degrees. In order to get anywhere in his field, he needs a bachelor's. I work for a college, so he is able to receive free tuition (still has to pay fees and books) for his first bachelor's degree. He is one year (max) out from graduation and has had all his difficult classes. This semester would have been art, health, music and an English class. A cakewalk. He's carrying a 4.0 so there's no real academic problems here. I filled out all the paperwork and had his tuition waived for the semester. I did his financial aid and he's ready to go. Classes start on Tuesday. I went home last night and asked directly if he had received his bill for the semester, as I needed to pay his fees. That's when he said he was "not able to handle school this semester" and he "may go back in the summer". Wow. He's two semesters out from graduation, and a better life for our family (and less stress on me to provide financially) and he's going to frack it up royally. He tells me I put too much stress on him to succeed, to get ahead in life. Urm, he works part-time and goes to school. He brings little to nothing home. I am supporting the family financially, with health care coverage etc. He complains about having to go to work and deal with people. Yet he does nothing to find what makes him happy. He was a fireman in the beginning of our marriage, but quit that so we could move to further my career. And so he could figure out where he wants to go. That was 15 years ago and he's gone nowhere. I have always been the breadwinner in the family and, quite honestly, I'm tired of pulling all the weight. On top of the constant drinking (he's alcoholic), the emotional abuse and the cheating, I think I'm about at the end of the rope. We've tried MC, he refuses to go for personal counseling. Or to get help for drinking. Everything he does in life is half-azzed or incomplete. He has never EVER finished something he has started, so I should be used to this by now. Including our kitchen, which has been torn up (plywood floors, doors off the cabinets) for three years now. But I thought for sure he was going to actually graduate and make something of himself. I guess I was wrong. I'd like to believe he will actually finish, but lifelong indicators show me I shouldn't rely on that too much. Thanks for listening. Edited January 15, 2010 by beanzmom added something
dgiirl Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Okay, H is currently in college, finishing his bachelor's degree. He is a HS dropout and went back and got his GED and two Associates degrees. In order to get anywhere in his field, he needs a bachelor's. I work for a college, so he is able to receive free tuition (still has to pay fees and books) for his first bachelor's degree. He is one year (max) out from graduation and has had all his difficult classes. This semester would have been art, health, music and an English class. A cakewalk. He's carrying a 4.0 so there's no real academic problems here. I filled out all the paperwork and had his tuition waived for the semester. I did his financial aid and he's ready to go. Classes start on Tuesday. I went home last night and asked directly if he had received his bill for the semester, as I needed to pay his fees. That's when he said he was "not able to handle school this semester" and he "may go back in the summer". Wow. He's two semesters out from graduation, and a better life for our family (and less stress on me to provide financially) and he's going to frack it up royally. He tells me I put too much stress on him to succeed, to get ahead in life. Urm, he works part-time and goes to school. He brings little to nothing home. I am supporting the family financially, with health care coverage etc. He complains about having to go to work and deal with people. Yet he does nothing to find what makes him happy. He was a fireman in the beginning of our marriage, but quit that so we could move to further my career. And so he could figure out where he wants to go. That was 15 years ago and he's gone nowhere. I have always been the breadwinner in the family and, quite honestly, I'm tired of pulling all the weight. On top of the constant drinking (he's alcoholic), the emotional abuse and the cheating, I think I'm about at the end of the rope. We've tried MC, he refuses to go for personal counseling. Or to get help for drinking. Everything he does in life is half-azzed or incomplete. He has never EVER finished something he has started, so I should be used to this by now. Including our kitchen, which has been torn up (plywood floors, doors off the cabinets) for three years now. But I thought for sure he was going to actually graduate and make something of himself. I guess I was wrong. I'd like to believe he will actually finish, but lifelong indicators show me I shouldn't rely on that too much. Thanks for listening. Wow. I'm not really sure what kind of advice to offer you. So he's quitting school because you "put too much pressure on him"? When I pulled that crap on my mom when I was a kid, her response was "You don't want to go to school? No problem. But if you are going to live under MY roof, you're going to get yourself a full time job!" What does he plan to do from now till summer? Do you have any kids?
Author beanzmom Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 Well, he's working part-time and said his boss wanted him to work extra hours anyway. He hasn't had a full-time job in, oh, nearly 5 years. He quit working for a year for no reason...while I was pregnant and for a few months into my daughter's infancy. And yes, we have children. Three. We've had to take a relative into our home to help pay bills. I work 10+ hours per day, five days per week, not including an hour and a half commute daily. I'm just so fed up. Our daughter was ill the other night and vomited in our bed. H got so angry at me for asking a simple question (he left with the dirty sheets, went into the laundry room and returned with the same sheets and proceeded to put them on the bed. I saw that there was a mess on the sheet and, very calmly and nicely, asked "what's that on the sheet?". He got furious and called me every name in the book.) and went off for 30 minutes. My daughter was crying in my arms as he belittled me and I defended myself. If I weren't in so much debt because of my H, I would have been long gone.
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