My GF lusts my best friend, !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Miserious]

So I've tried to forgive my gf for what she posted on here, and i'll actually copy and past it below. I told my gf 2 yrs ago that i would like to try a 3some because I've never had one, but i never thought she would lust after my best friend and want to mention having a 3some with her, i wanted the 3some to be with someone we would never see again. But first i want to tell you a lil about our history. We've been together for 4 yrs and ever since the first 6 months of our relationship ive caught her many times lying and flirting very vulgarly with some other girl online. And every time i confront her of her lies she always denies it or acts like she doesn't know what im talking about or just say no she didn't do it even if i have proof that she doesn't know about. She told me that she would show me that i can trust her again, but every time i start to she messes up again. I'm sick of having to look over my shoulder and snoop around but i always want to give her the benefit of the doubt and think she still is the woman that i fell in love with or the woman i thought i knew. When she talks to strangers her whole demenor changes, she acts like she is the happiest woman alive to get to talk to them and get to know them and i feel awkward because i feel like i'm not even there. I never hear her talk good about me to anyone. She works part time (4hrs a day,5 days a wk) and goes to school. While i take care of all the chores around the house and work full time. I told her it was only fair that i take care of the house while she goes to school cuz she has enough on her, but lately i've been letting the house go just like myself. I'm beginning to feel worthless. Even when i gave this relationship all i had she still wanted to stray and flirt with others, so i just kind of feel like, well whats the point?

 

Anyway this is what she posted, and to this day every time i hear my best friends name i still think about it, and its gotten to the point that i don't even want to hang out with my best friend alone because it reminds me of what my gf said in her post down below. Even tho my best friend has no clue about any of it. What should i do?

 

 

 

My GF posted this.. :sick::sick::sick:

 

:sick:"I'm new to the forum and stumbled upon it while seeking advice via Google.

I'm in the longest lasting relationship thus far in my life. Next month will be 4 years together. I love my girlfriend deeply and I fully intend on spending the rest of my life with her or until she severs the relationship. I am completely convinced she is the one for me.

We've had ups and downs but never have been unfaithful to each other. I can only speak for myself but trust her to be truthful even if it would hurt us. We are very open and honest with each other even in those situations.

We live together and have been for more than two years but our schedules conflict. I work 9 to 5 and attend evening classes. She works long hospital shifts and arrives home usually in time for me to kiss her goodnight. This has placed the most stress on our relationship and we end up living our own lives and only getting to be with each other when it's convenient. But it works for us and absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder.

She has a friend that she met at the hospital where she works. They both worked the same hours and would end up hanging out afterwords and ended up having a lot of the same interests in common.

I'm glad my girl has this friend cuz she can be there for her when I am unable to. My girlfriend is overly sensitive and compassionate and high maintenance in the support department. It eases me that someone can be there for her.

We moved to another part of town last year and my girlfriend switched hospitals to work at the one nearest to us. Since then her and her friend have been hanging out more often. I have no objections. I too have been seeing a lot more of her friend because of this. she's just around more. I never really have had much interaction with her til recently. But the more I am around her the more I begin to desire her. It's by no means intentional. I think it becomes more apparent and have noticed her friend beginning to respond to me in ways that influence this lust for her. Nothing blat ten or out of line on either of our parts.

Prolonged eye contact and subtle gazes from both of us and she is paying more attention to me when we are all three together. It's still all very innocent but the more I am with her the stronger certain urges become harder to dismiss. I want very much to tell my girlfriend the way I feel but I don't want it to become an issue for her and her friend. i just want to be honest and mostly to get her out of my head before I make myself nuts.

 

I need advice on what to do or how to approach this situation. Mostly cuz we've started a True Blood night. and get together to watch it once a week. I don't want to be alone with her. I can already see it happening.

I'm also concerned that when i tell my girlfriend about this infactation that she will encourage it. We had a spat a about a year and a half back and after making up she had mentioned that she is turned on by the idea of seeing me with another woman. I told her that is not what I wanted and thought it would be damaging to our relationship especially at that time. Her friend doesn't change my mind but I don't know what to do if I did a green light from my girlfreind after confiding in her. Should I even be concerned with these feelings? Would they just go away if I do nothing about it? I am still very much in love with my girlfriend and have no plans on not being with her. Is it even worth mentioning? ":sick:

[Skump]

From Skump's Rules of Dating... number 52:

 

"When a description of your relationship sounds like a Jersey Shore episode... it's time to move on."

[Miserious]

Really? I should move on? Even though she has never slept with someone else or even kissed them? I should just toss it all out of the window and expect to be with someone who is perfect in this day in age? I was counting on some more informative advice, no offense.

[Dexter Morgan]

tell your gf to take a long walk off a short pier

[forever&always]

In my opinion, lusting is cheating.

 

They're lusting after someone that isn't you. While they may "love" you, they're lusting after someone else, and lust is a big part in a relationship. Lesbian bed death is real. Sad to say.

 

If I were to find out that my girlfriend was lusting after my friend I would be incredibly angry. a) that's my friend, and obviously she's been watching her more than she has me... which is wrong, since I'm her girlfriend. and b) she wants to have sex with my friend, and as yours said, doesn't even trust herself to be ALONE with your friend. That's intent!

 

I say, nicely, and in a controlled way, confront her about it. Don't get heated, don't yell, don't cry. (Those are my biggest mistakes, and it makes a discussion become an argument.) Ask her why she is lusting after your friend and not you. Maybe you'll find the root of it, and maybe you can fix it together. Don't acquiesce and bring your friend in for a threesome, it's not the answer. You, talking to the girl you love, is.

 

Its easier said than done, obviously (since I can't follow my own advice sometimes!)... but at least try. You'll be upset with yourself if you say nothing and let everything continue on the path it has started... but remember, keep calm. Keep it a conversation, not an argument. You'll be upset with yourself if you let it become something huge and horrible, and everything ends without getting answers and feelings out of the way.

 

Luck!

[Miserious]

Yea this happened in august of last year and i had talked to her about it as soon as i found out. I'm not the type that likes to argue or raise their voice in most situations. So we didn't argue or fight about it. She cried(which someone has to die to make her cry or i have to make her really mad and she'll cry while she punches wholes in the door while being irate or whatever) and begged me not to leave and told me that this always seems to happen to her in her relationships, she self destructs her relationships but didn't really tell me why. Then she told me she didn't even feel like herself when she was writing all that and feeling all that for my best friend.

 

This isn't the first time i've caught her. We've been together 4 yrs now in a committed relationship or so i thought but 6 months into it, and 3 days before we were suppose to move out for the first time ever with each other, she decides to write to this girl and tell her in Spanish some really vulgar things about what she wants to do to her. Yea, but when i confronted her, somehow it was my fault, i don't really know why. I guess for snooping? I didn't use to be a snoop till i met her, and it totally wears me out, i hate it with a passion, but at the same time i feel that its the only way to protect my heart cuz she'll say one thing to my face and do another behind my back.

 

Sometimes i wonder if she even knows how to love instead of lust. But i try to show her. I have put up with a lot from her. When she gets mad, its not a good thing and i never know when its coming. But when she's mad she'll either say these weird things just out of nowhere such as something like i need to grow up, or that i verbally abuse her. But when i talk to her about it after she calms down, she says that its not true at all and she didn't even know why she said it. So naturally, i forgive her.

 

The whole relationship is confusing to me and you probably think I'm a loser for staying or think that i love the drama which in fact i hate that the most but i just have a hard time leaving people i love. I was with an alcoholic i had to drag to bed every night for a year or more. She would even get so drunk she'd throw up blood and get sooo mad at me for taking her to the ER. I tried to help her but when i realized the booze made her happy and not me, and the fact that she wouldn't ease off the booze even a lil to get me to stay with her, well chance after chance after chance, she failed. And to be honest she wasn't faithful either, she flirted. She flirted over text with another girl on new years eve and i still stayed with her for awhile. I don't know whats wrong with me but i just want to love someone and be able to help them through whatever i can.

 

Am I fighting a losing battle?

[imagine]

An addict is never in trouble. The cure can always be found in a bottle. The real victim is the supporters of the addict. You will never be the cure.

 

She has to make her own decisions. Leave her. I assure you that she will get another supporter very quickly. She needs her drug, not you.

 

Let her first resolve her own addiction. Then call her!

[Nos]

She wants to be with you, but she finds something about your friend very attractive.

It is not your fault. It is not her fault that she is aroused by another person. Here comes the difficult part:

It's either your friend or your girl. If having your friend over causes too much tension, you'll have to decide which relationship is more important.

[harmfulsweetz]

So I've tried to forgive my gf for what she posted on here, and i'll actually copy and past it below. I told my gf 2 yrs ago that i would like to try a 3some because I've never had one, but i never thought she would lust after my best friend and want to mention having a 3some with her, i wanted the 3some to be with someone we would never see again. But first i want to tell you a lil about our history. We've been together for 4 yrs and ever since the first 6 months of our relationship ive caught her many times lying and flirting very vulgarly with some other girl online. And every time i confront her of her lies she always denies it or acts like she doesn't know what im talking about or just say no she didn't do it even if i have proof that she doesn't know about. She told me that she would show me that i can trust her again, but every time i start to she messes up again. I'm sick of having to look over my shoulder and snoop around but i always want to give her the benefit of the doubt and think she still is the woman that i fell in love with or the woman i thought i knew. When she talks to strangers her whole demenor changes, she acts like she is the happiest woman alive to get to talk to them and get to know them and i feel awkward because i feel like i'm not even there. I never hear her talk good about me to anyone. She works part time (4hrs a day,5 days a wk) and goes to school. While i take care of all the chores around the house and work full time. I told her it was only fair that i take care of the house while she goes to school cuz she has enough on her, but lately i've been letting the house go just like myself. I'm beginning to feel worthless. Even when i gave this relationship all i had she still wanted to stray and flirt with others, so i just kind of feel like, well whats the point?

 

Anyway this is what she posted, and to this day every time i hear my best friends name i still think about it, and its gotten to the point that i don't even want to hang out with my best friend alone because it reminds me of what my gf said in her post down below. Even tho my best friend has no clue about any of it. What should i do?

 

 

 

My GF posted this.. :sick::sick::sick:

 

:sick:"I'm new to the forum and stumbled upon it while seeking advice via Google.

I'm in the longest lasting relationship thus far in my life. Next month will be 4 years together. I love my girlfriend deeply and I fully intend on spending the rest of my life with her or until she severs the relationship. I am completely convinced she is the one for me.

We've had ups and downs but never have been unfaithful to each other. I can only speak for myself but trust her to be truthful even if it would hurt us. We are very open and honest with each other even in those situations.

We live together and have been for more than two years but our schedules conflict. I work 9 to 5 and attend evening classes. She works long hospital shifts and arrives home usually in time for me to kiss her goodnight. This has placed the most stress on our relationship and we end up living our own lives and only getting to be with each other when it's convenient. But it works for us and absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder.

She has a friend that she met at the hospital where she works. They both worked the same hours and would end up hanging out afterwords and ended up having a lot of the same interests in common.

I'm glad my girl has this friend cuz she can be there for her when I am unable to. My girlfriend is overly sensitive and compassionate and high maintenance in the support department. It eases me that someone can be there for her.

We moved to another part of town last year and my girlfriend switched hospitals to work at the one nearest to us. Since then her and her friend have been hanging out more often. I have no objections. I too have been seeing a lot more of her friend because of this. she's just around more. I never really have had much interaction with her til recently. But the more I am around her the more I begin to desire her. It's by no means intentional. I think it becomes more apparent and have noticed her friend beginning to respond to me in ways that influence this lust for her. Nothing blat ten or out of line on either of our parts.

Prolonged eye contact and subtle gazes from both of us and she is paying more attention to me when we are all three together. It's still all very innocent but the more I am with her the stronger certain urges become harder to dismiss. I want very much to tell my girlfriend the way I feel but I don't want it to become an issue for her and her friend. i just want to be honest and mostly to get her out of my head before I make myself nuts.

 

I need advice on what to do or how to approach this situation. Mostly cuz we've started a True Blood night. and get together to watch it once a week. I don't want to be alone with her. I can already see it happening.

I'm also concerned that when i tell my girlfriend about this infactation that she will encourage it. We had a spat a about a year and a half back and after making up she had mentioned that she is turned on by the idea of seeing me with another woman. I told her that is not what I wanted and thought it would be damaging to our relationship especially at that time. Her friend doesn't change my mind but I don't know what to do if I did a green light from my girlfreind after confiding in her. Should I even be concerned with these feelings? Would they just go away if I do nothing about it? I am still very much in love with my girlfriend and have no plans on not being with her. Is it even worth mentioning? ":sick:

 

 

Lusting after someone else is fairly normal, I think. Especially in long-term relationships. This could be something that blows over with time, but it certainly doesn't sound like she wants to take it further, and that is the important part.

 

You have to discuss this with her, be honest, but make it a discussion, not an argument, do not attack her for it, just explain how it made you feel and try and work out where to go from here.

[Dexter Morgan]

In my opinion, lusting is cheating.

 

my opinion too. cuz if they were in a room alone and they thought there would be no way they'd get caught, they'd screw.

[harmfulsweetz]

my opinion too. cuz if they were in a room alone and they thought there would be no way they'd get caught, they'd screw.

 

 

Lusting isn't cheating though is it? Cheating requires some physical, or actual act to take place, i.e. talking sexually or way too emotionally, or some physical act. Heck, I'm sure most people if they are honest will or have or are lusting after someone who isn't their partner. That does not equate to them in a room, screwing. Sure, the thought may occur to them, but it's what they do with that thought that counts. Do they act on it? Then dump them, move on. Do they not? Then, great they aren't cheating. What she is doing however, is playing with fire, it's always going to be, until she can allow the crush to blow over and allow distance.

[Miserious]

This has all been very helpful to me, and i thank all of you very much. This has been bothering me for months now and finally i feel so much better.

 

The only solution i can come up with is to hang out with my best friend without her. This won't be hard cuz that's what me and my best friend normally do anyway. This all started cuz i invited my best friend over to watch something on tv with us cuz i thought it would be nice to have my gf and my best friend and myself all hang out with each other. And ever since i found out my gf's feelings for her, i have tried and attempted for us all to hang out again. It went ok but i'm just not comfortable with it nor will i ever be again. My gf understands my decision and supports it.

 

I'm not really sure how long my best friends and i, friendship will last because before i found out what my gf felt for her... my best friend told ME that she wanted to be with me ever since we met 2yrs ago. It's hilarious, and messed up all at the same time. MY best friend wants me, my gf wants my best friend, and all i want is my GF while being just friends and friends only with my best friend. Hilarious. but i'll get over it.

 

Thank you

[Dexter Morgan]

She wants to be with you, but she finds something about your friend very attractive.

It is not your fault. It is not her fault that she is aroused by another person. Here comes the difficult part:

It's either your friend or your girl. If having your friend over causes too much tension, you'll have to decide which relationship is more important.

 

i'd say a relationship with this girl is not important at all. The relationship with his friend is more important than a girl that would sooner wind up in bed with another guy because she "lusts" after them openly.

[Miserious]

Thx Dexter. But none of us are guys, we're all girls. I know all of this is insanely confusing, in fact I think I'm still confused by it and always will be, but to break it down .. .. .

 

In Chronological order. The order of which it happened .. .. .

 

1. My best friend of 2 yrs tells me she wants me and has wanted me ever since we met. (i stayed true and loyal to my gf by the way) Our friendship is awkward now.

 

2. Two months later i find out my gf's lustful feelings for my best friend.

 

 

3. End result : I'm even more f'd up in the head than i already was, thanks best friend and gf !!

 

Why cant people just be loyal? My best friend has kids with the guy she is seeing but yet wanted to hit on me while I'm in a 4yr relationship.

 

To be honest, I'm just really repulsed by what they both did. Thinking about it, makes me nauseous.

 

 

To this day my best friend doesnt know how my gf feels for her, nor will she ever hear it from me cuz i won't be the one to tell her. This whole situation is already ridiculous enough and i wouldn't want other people manipulating it for whatever their selfish reasons might be.

[Dexter Morgan]

Lusting isn't cheating though is it?

 

didnt say it was

 

however, openly lusting after someone other than your SO means that said person isn't very trustworthy.

 

people like that don't have a good track record of being faithful

 

and before anyone starts, everyone finds other people attractive. that is just natural. lusting after someone and openly acting on it in whatever form, flirting, whatever, is a much different manner. And someone that exhibits those behaviors would cheat without a 2nd thought of it if they knew they wouldn't get caught.