4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 So lately Ive been paying attention at the people around me. Currently Im in a year long dating hiatus cuz I realize i need to get to know me before I even attempt to have a successful relationship. Still, I wonder what makes people choose whomever they choose to marry. Quite frankly, when I hear some people talk, interact with others and even discuss their marriage, I wonder what in the world where their respective SOs thinking. However, lately ive noticed that those people I refer to, the rude, unreasonable, demanding etc are the ones who are married or in a long term relationship, while those that are much more calm, reasonable and even caring tend to get dumped or not even given much of a chance. For example, this one chick in one of my classes, we have to give something up as part of a project. SHe choose to give up yelling and screaming, and she described the most recent even where she ripped her poor husband a new one because he lost a receipt.....And she is married...what the heck. ANother one...this woman where I work...she call her husband at least twice or three times a day to say something about facebook, farmville or some such. I mean dude! let the man work in peace!! Also, ive heard her yell and scream on the phone.....and yet, she is married. Even my ex, his ex demanded that he'd be at her place every single day, even though she lived 50 miles away. He had to drive in traffic for hours or she would be pissed...still, that wasnt good enough so she cheated, and yet he still missed her after that, saying she was his best friend ! Now on the other side, ok so my friend, pretty, super smart, and really nice. She likes this guy and you know she's just nice, not even doormat, just nice...he wont give her the time of day even though he was the one who pursued her to begin with. Now he is with a chick who lives in another country who is not even half as pretty but definitely double as mean. I know what some will say, doormat/ too nice vs whatever....but i honestly think its much more than that...cuz its not like these people are merely assertive, they are straight up rude and demanding! In fact, try it! think of the meanest person you can come up with, and then think about whether they are married or are/have been in a long term relationship. Now do the opposite, think of your sweetest friend, and see if he/she is able to hold on to a relationship. This whole thing is truly disconcerting
sagetalk Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 This may shock you, but people tend to prefer candy to vegetables. In other words, they prefer what they think is good for them as opposed to what really is good for them. Mean people tend to make their partner put in more effort (demanding), this makes the person not want to leave since they have alot of effort invested.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I agree with this. The meanest, most demanding, alpha female biatch that I know is married and has a lover who adores her. The lover is also married but would drop his wife and kids in a second if this biatch wanted him to. She is very plain looking. Her nickname is "The Dragon".
OceanTropic Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Mean people tend to make their partner put in more effort (demanding), this makes the person not want to leave since they have alot of effort invested. Thats true, but how does a mean person get a partner to begin with? Do they act all sweet and nice, and only later show their true side? Because if someone was always rude and demanding like that, I don't think men would approach her or be interested. Am I wrong?
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Thats true, but how does a mean person get a partner to begin with? Do they act all sweet and nice, and only later show their true side? Because if someone was always rude and demanding like that, I don't think men would approach her or be interested. Am I wrong? Yes you are. I don't beleive that they pretend to be really nice. They just come across like they don't give a f$%^ and thus their perceived value in the eyes of men increases. They think that they are top shi% and whole world should bow to them. This type of confidence can not be faked though. If you act insecure and humble, others will just see you as "less". There are men who don't like this attitude though. Usually men of a strong chatacter, while weaker men enjoy to be bossed around.. My solution is to feel disgusted with men who are into this type of women and realize how weak they really are. They are also set for the life of misery and I kind of pity them...
Woggle Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I know men that go for women like this and their attitude is to go with the devil you know. Most women deep down are mean and heartless towards men so many men don't trust a woman that is too nice. My advice is to be more like The Dragon that the other poster describes.
OnlyJake Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Someone already wrote the bestseller. It's called Why Men Love Bitches, and just in case anyone missed the message the first time, she followed up with Why Men Marry Bitches.
D-Jam Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Men like women with brains and backbones. If you're too subservient, then you would be rejected or put into a "sex only" area if you're hot. Some men are really boys who want a new mommy. Someone to put the leash on them and guide them around. It's funny even when I see the biggest "tough guys" get totally pushed around by their nagging princess of a girlfriend. I don't think you have to be a B*tch, but show you're strong, confident, you take no crap, but yet a lady.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 All of my rudest, most demanding friends are either married or in LTRs. I seriously do not know of ONE that is single. On the other hand, all of my single girlfriends are nice and sweet. If you ever read sexless marriage threads, biatches can even stop having sex completly (or have it like once a year) and husband will spend all his free time trying to find a solution on why the wife won't have sex. I know of one marriage where wife is stay at home mum (even though kids are now all of school age) and H works 12 hour days. Yet, she still demands that H does half of house work and cook dinner when he gets home (which he does). She also constantly calls in the middle of his work meetings and he takes all her calls. Her calls are about what happened on some reality TV show or similar irrelevant crap. She also looks like she has gained about 50lbs in about 4 years (from when I last saw her). I have no idea why he puts up with that c$ap.
aerogurl87 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Yes you are. I don't beleive that they pretend to be really nice. They just come across like they don't give a f$%^ and thus their perceived value in the eyes of men increases. They think that they are top shi% and whole world should bow to them. This type of confidence can not be faked though. If you act insecure and humble, others will just see you as "less". There are men who don't like this attitude though. Usually men of a strong chatacter, while weaker men enjoy to be bossed around.. My solution is to feel disgusted with men who are into this type of women and realize how weak they really are. They are also set for the life of misery and I kind of pity them... SadandConfused hit the nail on the head! After my ex left me, he came begging for me back (I have no idea why) because he said he was attracted to my "I don't give a f**k attitude" that I had at the time. Truth was, I did care about him but I wasn't going to waste my time crying over him if he had decided he wanted to leave. But I've found most guys who think like this are missing a few screws in their head.
b52s Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Yeah, I notice now that these guys are married, some I know burp in front of his wife and friends at a BBQ quite loudly, thinking he's cute and funny, when it's rude and gross. And even does other gross unmentionable things. I Bet money on the fact he didn't do that when he was dating her.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 SadandConfused hit the nail on the head! After my ex left me, he came begging for me back (I have no idea why) because he said he was attracted to my "I don't give a f**k attitude" that I had at the time. Truth was, I did care about him but I wasn't going to waste my time crying over him if he had decided he wanted to leave. But I've found most guys who think like this are missing a few screws in their head. This is true for both sexes. People that enjoy being treated like c#ap and will only like you when you don't give a f%#$ have serious issues. Therefore I am not conncerned with "why men love biatches" because I have no interest in men that do. I talked about this with my male friend that is married (to a real sweetie) and he avoids women like that like plague. He even refuses to work with those extra demanding alpha females even at cost of losing few projects. He is the most psychologically healthy and happy person that I know.
Woggle Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 The nice girls secretly want to be like and admire these witches but for some reason don't have the guts.
phineas Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 When it comes to bitches I give as good as I get & sometimes get down right insulting if their really bitchy. I can care less how hot they are or if their my freinds GF. I won't take any crap from them. Winston Churchil had some zinger's about "difficult" women & I like to toss them out when I've had it with a chick's attitude. That usually shuts them up or sets them off even more & that's when I start laughing my ass off.
Art_Critic Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 There are some pretty rude people here on LS and they all don't have great relationships..
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 When it comes to bitches I give as good as I get & sometimes get down right insulting if their really bitchy. I can care less how hot they are or if their my freinds GF. I won't take any crap from them. Winston Churchil had some zinger's about "difficult" women & I like to toss them out when I've had it with a chick's attitude. That usually shuts them up or sets them off even more & that's when I start laughing my ass off. You sound like a strong man
mem11363 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I was always attracted to women who were strong - but not mean. My wife is definitely strong - and not mean. She projects more in a saucy - funny way then in a harsh or angry manner. So we have a 60/40 maybe 70/30 deal which is fine. I am just more easygoing about stuff unless I feel ignored or insulted in which case I quickly slide into a very different posture. Just before my wife I dated a woman who was at the high end of too nice. In and out of bed she was just completely giving - this was not good and did not work in terms of creating an emotional bond. Yes you are. I don't beleive that they pretend to be really nice. They just come across like they don't give a f$%^ and thus their perceived value in the eyes of men increases. They think that they are top shi% and whole world should bow to them. This type of confidence can not be faked though. If you act insecure and humble, others will just see you as "less". There are men who don't like this attitude though. Usually men of a strong chatacter, while weaker men enjoy to be bossed around.. My solution is to feel disgusted with men who are into this type of women and realize how weak they really are. They are also set for the life of misery and I kind of pity them...
ShamWoW Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 You sound like a strong man Yeah, too many pansies out there giving men a bad name.
threebyfate Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 There are some pretty rude people here on LS and they all don't have great relationships..I believe the word used in place of rude is "authentic".
streetlamp Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 No one knows the dynamic of a relationship except the people in it. I wouldn't be so sure this is actually true.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Just before my wife I dated a woman who was at the high end of too nice. In and out of bed she was just completely giving - this was not good and did not work in terms of creating an emotional bond. There are men who appreciate this though. The feeling of love and bonding increases when they are being treated with nothing but kindness. My mother for example is completly giving, to the point of being a doormat. Dad always has his own way and is quite controling. Yet, they just celebrated 30th wedding anniversary and my dad wrote mum a card that said something along the lines of he would marry her again in a heartbeat. I hope you don't take it the wrong way mem, but you strike me as someone more towards the weak/passive end of scale. Another poster (JamesM I think) is also a perfect example of this.
Taramere Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I would think that the women men select for marriage tend to be the ones who will do best by their children. Help them have the best chance of succeeding in life. A weak and subservient woman is likely to be a weak and ineffective mother. One who nurtures a little too much, at the expense of encouraging her children to be confident and independent. One who is hazy about where the boundaries are. Who, if her children are subjected to unfair treatment by others, will be to lacking in assertiveness to help them fight their corner and get justice. My brother's no pushover, and he married a very strong woman. Someone who can be pretty demanding, but gives a huge amount in return - and it's a very good marriage. I think to get true answers as to why people make the choices they do, sometimes you need to focus on the positive results that can be achieved by those with a different temperament to your own. If a person persists in viewing those whose temperaments differ greatly from their own in a very negative light rather than trying to see a fuller and more balanced picture, they might get answers of a sort - but it's unlikely that those answers will be particularly helpful ones.
ShamWoW Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Just before my wife I dated a woman who was at the high end of too nice. In and out of bed she was just completely giving - this was not good and did not work in terms of creating an emotional bond. Dude, stay away from the Russian Bride websites!
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 A weak and subservient woman is likely to be a weak and ineffective mother. One who nurtures a little too much, at the expense of encouraging her children to be confident and independent. One who is hazy about where the boundaries are. Who, if her children are subjected to unfair treatment by others, will be to lacking in assertiveness to help them fight their corner and get justice. I disagree with this completly. My mum was/is like that and she is the best mother that one could hope to have. No matter what happened in my life, I always felt very loved. Her love gave me strength to face some of the other challenges. She makes me feel safe, like I will never be abondended. However, she is no doormat when comes to other people (she is only like that with dad and me). When I was in school and was bullied by other kids, she fought for me. She is the type of mother that will do whatever it takes to protect her children. She will do anything just to make me smile. If I told her that my muscles are aching from a hard workout, she will drive to the city and buy me those muscle soothing salts to put in my bath. Given that I don't have a romantic partner, having someone that I can rely on 200% day and night, is pricelss.
ShamWoW Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I disagree with this completly. My mum was/is like that and she is the best mother that one could hope to have. No matter what happened in my life, I always felt very loved. Her love gave me strength to face some of the other challenges. She makes me feel safe, like I will never be abondended. However, she is no doormat when comes to other people (she is only like that with dad and me). When I was in school and was bullied by other kids, she fought for me. She is the type of mother that will do whatever it takes to protect her children. She will do anything just to make me smile. If I told her that my muscles are aching from a hard workout, she will drive to the city and buy me those muscle soothing salts to put in my bath. Given that I don't have a romantic partner, having someone that I can rely on 200% day and night, is pricelss. Not trying to be rude, but you might want to try relying on yourself sometime, in lieu of a romantic partner. You'd be surprised at how much you can do.
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