cutxupxlove15 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 So I have been with this guy for about 3 yrs now, at first everything had been great he had a job we had a trailer of our own things were great then I got pregnant. He lost his job and have worked little odd jobs here and there spending the money on drugs and such, but lately getting money from his mother and his girl on the side in Manassas. He has been getting in trouble and going to jail and I am just tired of dealing with the way things are, especially since I have our daughter now….I don’t want to stay with him and let her grow up thinking that it is ok for a man to walk all over her…I have tried telling him it is over a thousand times but he just begs me to give him another chance that things will change….but of course they don’t I just feel so bad for him and his situation…..with most of his family mad at him and being homeless I don’t know how to just put my foot down and tell him no more that its done….any tips?
TaraMaiden Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 You need to tell him for the 1001th time, and mean it. You enable his behaviour. He does it because he knows you'll let him do it. He does it because he knows you're weak when it comes to saying 'No' and meaning it. He does it because even though you say otherwise, you'll always take him back. And forgive him. And you don't mean what you say. You're already teaching your daughter that this is acceptable, because you are permitting it to go on. She's already watching, learning and absorbing. The minure he begs and pleads, you give in. The secret is to keep saying "No" and not turn it into an "oh....Ok then!" The only one who can really change their behaviour - is you. he sure as hell isn't going to. he's already proved it, because you haven't changed yours either. the moment you do, then he might. Or maybe not. That's not your concern. Your concern really is your daughter, and her future. And teaching her better things than she's learning at the moment. And anything is better than this.....
LovelyDaze Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 So I have been with this guy for about 3 yrs now, at first everything had been great he had a job we had a trailer of our own things were great then I got pregnant. He lost his job and have worked little odd jobs here and there spending the money on drugs and such, but lately getting money from his mother and his girl on the side in Manassas. He has been getting in trouble and going to jail and I am just tired of dealing with the way things are, especially since I have our daughter now….I don’t want to stay with him and let her grow up thinking that it is ok for a man to walk all over her…I have tried telling him it is over a thousand times but he just begs me to give him another chance that things will change….but of course they don’t I just feel so bad for him and his situation…..with most of his family mad at him and being homeless I don’t know how to just put my foot down and tell him no more that its done….any tips? Think of this also, how is he asking you for another chance if he doesn't change? I hope he is not asking to be with you again so THEN he can change. No, he needs to work on himself WITHOUT you. At this time, you need to concentrate on getting your life in order for you and your daughter. You were absolutely correct. You don't want your child to grow up believing that relationships work in a negative manner. Show her what a strong,confident woman can do. And no, just having a dad around does not make the child any better. The man of the house has to be secure and whole in himself to be a good father. Let him work on his demons, supervise visits with him and your child, and especially get yourself together to make your life a lot happier without the drama.
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