Rainman760 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Okay, looking for some feedback here. I'm trying to wrap my mind around the phenomenon whereby some women who 'wink' at me on an online dating site that then simply vanish into thin air when I respond back with an email! It doesn't happen a lot but enough to where I'm starting to think there is a contingent of women who only do that to see if they can get a nice email back to boost their self-esteem...which is sad. I mean what are they trying to achieve in the long run? I should say that I'm not a dolt and compose emails that are tailored to what they wrote in their profile and keep it friendly, light and appropriate for a first email. Trust me, I know how to communicate! But I do get a fair amount of winks and I'm starting to wonder what in the world is going on with some of these people! I won't become one of those guys who write "Hey, what's up?" cuz that's lame, but I'm also getting sick of spending the time putting thought into an email (where they contacted me first!) only to have it ignored! Maybe I should stick to my own pursuits and get out of the wink response game altogether! Any insight?...
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 happens to me a lot as well. I just had a girl wink back at me, so I wrote a short, insightful customized email to her profile. Not long, but not one line and I got no response. Been 2 days. I mean, wtf?
sumdude Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Online dating is a strange game really. I've seen the same thing happen. I imagine it's either ego boosting or they wink at a lot of profiles then get inundated with e-mails. Women can also sign up for free a lot and set up profiles for just a little while then go away. I also there are also a lot of fake profiles out there. I'm pretty much putting online dating on the way back burner myself.
dreamergrl Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 If you're talking about match.com they can only read and reply to your email, and know you are the one they emailed them if they are paid members.
mem11363 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 why not do that - sounds like they are jerking you around Okay, looking for some feedback here. I'm trying to wrap my mind around the phenomenon whereby some women who 'wink' at me on an online dating site that then simply vanish into thin air when I respond back with an email! It doesn't happen a lot but enough to where I'm starting to think there is a contingent of women who only do that to see if they can get a nice email back to boost their self-esteem...which is sad. I mean what are they trying to achieve in the long run? I should say that I'm not a dolt and compose emails that are tailored to what they wrote in their profile and keep it friendly, light and appropriate for a first email. Trust me, I know how to communicate! But I do get a fair amount of winks and I'm starting to wonder what in the world is going on with some of these people! I won't become one of those guys who write "Hey, what's up?" cuz that's lame, but I'm also getting sick of spending the time putting thought into an email (where they contacted me first!) only to have it ignored! Maybe I should stick to my own pursuits and get out of the wink response game altogether! Any insight?...
CaliGuy Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Just tossing this out here. I read an article somewhere where "Yahoo" or some other personals site was sued because they hired people to make fake accounts so their service looked like it was full of hot people. Then, these "paid" professionals would wink or email most of the men to get them to re-up their accounts. The whole thing was a scam and I wouldn't doubt it if MOST, if not ALL of the paid personals sites are like that. Full of fake accounts. That's why I tell people "use the free ones!" At least that way you're not losing any $$ paying for something that isn't real. People bag on PoF a lot but hey, it's free and I've met a lot of really cool people there. That site's revenue is generated by ads, not subscriptions.
sumdude Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Just tossing this out here. I read an article somewhere where "Yahoo" or some other personals site was sued because they hired people to make fake accounts so their service looked like it was full of hot people. Then, these "paid" professionals would wink or email most of the men to get them to re-up their accounts. The whole thing was a scam and I wouldn't doubt it if MOST, if not ALL of the paid personals sites are like that. Full of fake accounts. That's why I tell people "use the free ones!" At least that way you're not losing any $$ paying for something that isn't real. People bag on PoF a lot but hey, it's free and I've met a lot of really cool people there. That site's revenue is generated by ads, not subscriptions. Yeah, I'm bailing on match next time the subscription is up. Lot's o' money for little results. Y'know until then I think I'm just going to make my profile a bit af a joke just for fun.
boogieboy Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Not onlyare the dating sites full of fake profiles, its a womans game. Men do most of the contacting online so the women get to pick and choose based on anything. You put the wrong word in your message, you get next'd. They get to be too picky if youre an average guy. Plus both women and men date up from their league online, so not many people really get what they want. The online game has not evolved for men, since men are generally the pursuers. THEN theres the problem of women that go online for the ego boost after a bad breakup, because they dont get the easy attention in person. Also guys that have no game go online and try their luck. Theres very few genuine people on there. So if you want to beat them at their game, dont bother going online. Make the time, go out places and meet people in person. Its alot harder for a woman to write you off if you can talk well.
CaliGuy Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 So if you want to beat them at their game, dont bother going online. Make the time, go out places and meet people in person. Its alot harder for a woman to write you off if you can talk well. That's what I've been "preaching" to men on here for some time (especially those who are insecure). Get out, talk to women and let them see you shine in person. You can not possibly "stand out" from other men on a dating profile unless you're rich and handsome (because, like a very beautiful woman on a dating site, they're going to get inundated with requests). So the only way to prove your are special is to identify someone you are interested in, IN PERSON, and talk to them. Takes some courage and a built up immunity to rejection but you'll only overcome your fears when you stand up and FACE THEM. Cheers
Pizzaman81 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I seriously think *winking* in online dating is the lamest thing in the world. I think the only time you should do it is: 1. If you have NO other option of contacting the person That's it actually... no other reason. I mean it's ONLINE for crying out loud, do you have THAT little conidence to not even send a text message but rather wink and hope that person responds with an actual message? Lame. I noticed guys do it more often.
Author Rainman760 Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 (edited) is there a way to just wink back? why not do that - sounds like they are jerking you aroundI suppose I could but then it devolves into a wink fest and I like to take the initiative and email either first or in response to a wink. But that's maybe where it will go. I haven't once winked at a girl I was interested in and have always emailed a well thought out email. And I have had a lot of luck on match.com, at least a great response rate and many dates; just not the 'one'. dreamergrl wrote: If you're talking about match.com they can only read and reply to your email, and know you are the one they emailed them if they are paid members.Lol! I've read what you wrote 4 times and I'm not quite sure what your saying in this context! (sorry:) Then, these "paid" professionals would wink or email most of the men to get them to re-up their accounts. The whole thing was a scam and I wouldn't doubt it if MOST, if not ALL of the paid personals sites are like that.That would suck for sure, and I'm not suggesting that in some cases that's not what's happening but these women don't feel like 'fake accounts'. I dunno maybe they're really good at hiding it, or I'm delusional But like I said I get a lot of winks and most of them lead to at least a conversation of some kind. I seriously think *winking* in online dating is the lamest thing in the world.I tend to disagree Pizzaman. The reason why is that I think winks are easier for women who are interested in a guy but don't want to put herself too much on the line. I know what you're saying but my opinion is that for right or wrong, winks fall in place with the social memes of our social system as in man=pursuer, women=pursued, generally speaking. I don't mind winks from girls in other words. But I will say this; when I receive an email I always email a girl back with a considerate reply when I'm not interested but I will just ignore winks when the same applies. Edited January 14, 2010 by Rainman760
dreamergrl Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 It's simple. Match.com ... if you aren't a paid member you can't see who emailed you, you can't read the emails. So you write to these girls, but if they aren't paying members they don't know you've wrote to them.
Author Rainman760 Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 It's simple. Match.com ... if you aren't a paid member you can't see who emailed you, you can't read the emails. So you write to these girls, but if they aren't paying members they don't know you've wrote to them. Okay, now I understand But that begs the question of why then would they wink if they know they can't receive a response?
dreamergrl Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Okay, now I understand But that begs the question of why then would they wink if they know they can't receive a response? Maybe they are interested, but aren't sure if they want to pay for a dating site. Maybe they don't realize that they wont know who emailed them until they pay (if they are new to the site). Also I think match.com allows non paying members to have contact with a premium type member (one that paid for the highest package I think it is).
CaliGuy Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Okay, now I understand But that begs the question of why then would they wink if they know they can't receive a response? Like I said, there could be many reasons. But if you have a paid account and they are an employee of the dating site, that makes 100% sense why they never respond. They simply aren't "real" people
dreamergrl Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Like I said, there could be many reasons. But if you have a paid account and they are an employee of the dating site, that makes 100% sense why they never respond. They simply aren't "real" people This too. This is why I stick with free sites. Grant it, I think there's a lot of strange ones on POF, I'm currently seeing someone from that site, and I like him quite a bit.
CaliGuy Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 This too. This is why I stick with free sites. Grant it, I think there's a lot of strange ones on POF, I'm currently seeing someone from that site, and I like him quite a bit. PoF, IMHO, is about as good as it's going to get. At least with that site you get what you see (mostly crud, with an occasional GEM in the mix!). Bottom line is it's free so I'm not losing any $$ by being there. And like you I've met some cool peeps. A few complete weirdos but I'm doing a decent job of weeding the "crud" out, haha
D-Jam Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I think this is a big reason why dating sites need to do away with the free profiles...or give women 100% free accounts. That or not allow "free" accounts to post photos. I'd tell you to change your approach. No more detailed emails back and such. Wink back or just reply with a "hi" and leave some kind of question that would garner a response. I'd also look at the profiles of those who wink you. I think free accounts can't post anything about what they're looking for in a mate. So if you see they have no requirements for a man then assume she's a free account and thus will never see your email.
tkgirl Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Okay, looking for some feedback here. I'm trying to wrap my mind around the phenomenon whereby some women who 'wink' at me on an online dating site that then simply vanish into thin air when I respond back with an email! It doesn't happen a lot but enough to where I'm starting to think there is a contingent of women who only do that to see if they can get a nice email back to boost their self-esteem...which is sad. I mean what are they trying to achieve in the long run? I should say that I'm not a dolt and compose emails that are tailored to what they wrote in their profile and keep it friendly, light and appropriate for a first email. Trust me, I know how to communicate! But I do get a fair amount of winks and I'm starting to wonder what in the world is going on with some of these people! I won't become one of those guys who write "Hey, what's up?" cuz that's lame, but I'm also getting sick of spending the time putting thought into an email (where they contacted me first!) only to have it ignored! Maybe I should stick to my own pursuits and get out of the wink response game altogether! Any insight?... that last.... very last! time I did match all I got was a bunch of winks and very few emails. The emails I did get were pretty generic. So guys do it too... I think it's just laziness... or cheapness if they can only wink (didn't pay for the subscription) two things I do NOT want in my man. IF I were to do the online thing, I would splurge for the more "serious" sites like chemistry or eharmony... I think you get what you pay for when it comes to the online thing... or don't pay for!
Angel1111 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Truly, the online dating game wore me out. I never winked at guys because I thought it was just idiotic. But, whatever. Who knows what people are thinking. I have no idea why women would do that unless they're just morons. I just bowed out of that stuff. I think eHarmony has the most sane people on it. When I'm ready to date, I'll do that. But all that other stuff, I felt so burned by it all that it left a really bad taste in my mouth.
ShamWoW Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Step 1... Get off of the dating site. I have done the dating site thing in the past myself, and I must say that it is simply a huge waste of time. Too many people misrepresent themselves there, and there's plenty of losers to meet in the real world.
Angel1111 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 ...there's plenty of losers to meet in the real world. :lmao:
Satisfaction Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Or maybe they are just shy? Which would come across really badly in an email situation. If you are talking about Match.com i'd just like to say that site is confusing at the best of times! They also seemed more concerned with trying to charge you as much as they possibly can more than trying to get you a talking with someone you find interesting.
Jersey Shortie Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Men and women have alot of options online. Or so is the illusion. All you see online is a profile, a picture, and words. You don't get any kind of information really on who they really are as a person. It's easier to right someone off. Don't take it personally OP. If that's you in your avatar, you're clearly quite attractive.
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