Wicked Child Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Alright, so I met this guy on OKC late November/early December. We went out, hit it off amazingly, and have been "seeing" each other (i guess that's what you would call it?) since. We haven't gone out on dates, per se, but I have spent several nights at his place, and we talk almost every day. I've been very careful about becoming emotionally invested, since things started kinda sexually between us. As time passes, it seems that we open up a lil more and become more affectionate with each other...He constantly talks about the "crush" he has on me...Has bought me little gifts...mentioned he's planning V-day things already...saying things like "if you decide you want to date me...just knowing you makes me happy...i enjoy waking up next to you.." I'm fighting the urge to ask him if he sees this having longevity. (it would seem so?) The reason being, that I don't want to go being all affectionate, and girlfriendy, if this doesn't have long term potential. I don't open up easily to people, and really don't want to waste my time giving a personal part of myself to someone if it's not going to last awhile...I'm not 17, I don't want a 2 month relationship, yanno? I'm kinda retarded when it comes to dating, it's been a few long years since I've had a man...And it's been on my own accord, because I feel that someone should be deserving of my time and affection, and I don't give that to any ol joe that takes me out to dinner once or twice. Plus, I've met my share of men that will say damn near anything to get whatever they are looking to get...I really just want to know where he sees this going so I can modify/adjust my actions/emotions accordingly...which seems kinda retarded, doesn't it? Not sure if I should pose this question, or let things unfold as they will. At what point do you have this conversation with the person you are seeing??? This is probably the steadiest I've seen someone in over 5 years (not including a FWB thing that went on for a bit..) so I'm kinda in the dark.. Is it butthole of me to want to know?
boogieboy Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 You could ask him, but he could lie. From what you said, he seems like he is serious about you, but anyone could do all the things that you like. Obviously you have strong intuition that something might not be right, or it could be paranoia. Its only been a month and a half, let things flow. Keep your options open and watch what he does.
allina Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 There is nothing wrong with bringing it up. Telling him something similar to what you wrote above. You can express that you enjoy spending time with him and that you feel like things are moving forward and that you'd like to know where he sees things going. It sounds like he is taking thins to the relationship level not just FWB. Do you want a relationship with him?
littlebittle Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Obviously you have strong intuition that something might not be right i disagree. from what you've said, he sounds really interested. i think that you are just rusty. i was also single for 5 years of my own accord (i just don't connect with guys in relationships that easily and i'm very guarded and i guess pretty selective). getting into a serious relationship after that time was so nerve-racking. i had forgotten how to be normal, and everything just felt weird and unnatural. the relationship was actually great and the guy was crazy about me and i really liked him. it's just hard to get back into the swing of things after so long. does he know that you have been single for so long? did you specify that you were looking for something more serious on your dating profile? i think it would be ok to talk about things. maybe let him know that you don't want to rush anything, but that you do like him and that you're ultimately looking for something serious. if you do want a relationship with him in the long term, it's important to have an open dialogue early on. just don't scare him off by getting really heavy. good luck
Author Wicked Child Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 We've talked a little about past relationships and what not, and in my profile I did specify I was looking for something long term, as did he. We haven't talked too extensively about it..I think he may be just as nervous as me. ( he made a comment the other day pertaining to how he didn't like that I made him feel so mushy...half joking, it seemed) I know that his longest rel was only about 18 months...Whether he was in love or not, I have no clue.. It's definitely different this time around...Usually, when I meet someone I like, it fizzles almost as soon as they start getting mushy...I get cold feet, or just plain annoyed...Or I'll know almost immediately if I can see myself being with them for a long time...I can't say for sure that I do with this guy, but I definitely can't say I dont, either. I guess I'm just a little weirded out by it all. Keep waiting for that big, fat dealbreaker to fall out of the sky....
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