mistakesweremade Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Just a thought/question.... We have been broken up for 8 months now. I pretty confident that there is no hope for reconciliation. I accept that, or at least I believe I do. What I need help with is not freaking thinking about her every morning. I need to let go. I've changed almost everything in my life since the split. One of the only things that haven't changed is I can't stop thinking about her. If your going to say date, I've tried it. It's like I have a tattoo on my forehead that says damaged. I also think it's wrong to use someone to get over someone. I don't know how this happened. Before her I was fiercely independent. I didn't need or want any thing serious with a girlfriend. I wasn't a game player either. I was honest about my intentions with everyone. Then she comes along and then then she leaves. Now I'm everything I hate, which is a confused mess. ahhhhh.. Hopefully it helped just writing this. I'll see I guess.
sunrae Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Just a thought/question.... What I need help with is not freaking thinking about her every morning. I need to let go. I've changed almost everything in my life since the split. One of the only things that haven't changed is I can't stop thinking about her. If you figure this out, or create a magic pill, I will be the first in line to buy it.. Sadly this is the hardest part... I want to move on from my ex, and move forward, but it seems everywhere I turn, Bam, something is in my face reminding me of him...
duece22022 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 how long were you two dating? What reason did she give you for breaking it off?
Author mistakesweremade Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 I'm googling at home lobotomy kits now. I'll keep you posted.
MarcMann Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 If your going to say date, I've tried it. It's like I have a tattoo on my forehead that says damaged. I also think it's wrong to use someone to get over someone. I'm with you on this. Here's what I'm doing right now to help me get over my ex. It may or may not work for you. But I like this quote from the Dalai Lama... If you wish to experience peace – provide peace for another. If you wish to know that you are safe, cause others to know that they are safe. If you wish to understand seemingly incomprehensible things, help another to better understand. If you wish to heal your sadness or anger, seek to heal the sadness or anger of another. Those others are watching for you now. They are looking to you for guidance, for help, for courage, for strength, for understanding and for assurance at this hour. Most of all, they are looking for your love. - Dalai Lama So focus on other people's problems and see how you can help them. And then maybe you'll forget about your own problems... Or you can become a monk and live a life of solitude.
Author mistakesweremade Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 Dating for about 5.5 years. Long distance for 2. Right before the we were going to move together she told me she didn't love me. She wanted to be single. I came to find out that she met a pro football player a month before her decision. Ugh.. I can't even watch sports anymore. F*** it!! I understand, I'm not holding a grudge. I just want to be done with it. Sure I get the occasional call/email/text from her. I try to ignore them, but Im weak. Not weak enough to beg for her back, but weak enough to be nice and respond. I think I'm pulling the plug on that though. Hopefully it helps.
sean1970 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 For those of you wondering why NC and not LC, here is the thread to read. A wound does not heal if you pick at it for eight months...
Author mistakesweremade Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 @Marc - Thanks for the quote. Can't really go wrong with the supremely enlightened Dalai Lama. Instead of joining monastery, I'll just continue down the path of hanging out with emotional unavailable women. It's not right, probably won't help, but it is fun at times. @Sean - Read it. Lived it err... tried to live it. I just didn't want to blow her head up thinking that I was so hurt I couldn't talk to her. I rethinking my strategy now though.
sean1970 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 @Sean - Read it. Lived it err... tried to live it. I just didn't want to blow her head up thinking that I was so hurt I couldn't talk to her. I rethinking my strategy now though. I get the reasoning (I had it for a bit)... It's just at this point, if you had gone NC months ago, you would not give a rats ass what she thought nor is it likely you would you be having your waking problem to this day. What you are saying is that Pride was more important than your happiness; tough trade off if you ask me. She knows you cared about her dude, no shame there.
Author mistakesweremade Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 I don't even consider myself a prideful person. But you're right it was my pride telling me that I am stronger than this. When in reality I am not.
ginyi1111 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I don't even consider myself a prideful person. But you're right it was my pride telling me that I am stronger than this. When in reality I am not. How can it be your pride that allows you to talk to her? Your pride should make you feel frigging pissed off and therefore cutting all contact with her. You are not at her beck and call. She should know that she has hurt you (no shame in letting her know that) and that now you want to have nothing to do with her....unless she comes round begging you to take her back, but we all know that's unlikely to happen don't we?
gaudi Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I just didn't want to blow her head up thinking that I was so hurt I couldn't talk to her. I rethinking my strategy now though. No I definitely agree with this bit. On my NC (33 days and counting) I often have it in my mind that she's probably thinking "rrr he's so hurt that he can't even speak to me". I know she isn't thinking that, but it's in my head now and again. Starting to not give a f**k what she thinks now anyway !!
HLP234 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 No I definitely agree with this bit. On my NC (33 days and counting) I often have it in my mind that she's probably thinking "rrr he's so hurt that he can't even speak to me". I know she isn't thinking that, but it's in my head now and again. Starting to not give a f**k what she thinks now anyway !! For a fact I'm pretty sure that my ex thinks that, from previous times on our "break" she even said that to me once..but now I doubt she cares and I don't really care what she would have to say now.
gaudi Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Well I guess it is true. I was/am hurt, and because of that fact (plus advice given here and elsewhere) NC is the best remedy. So yeah I am too hurt to speak to her. But the medicine is working, and soon I will be better. And when I am totally healed and moving on with my life, then I won't mind if she wants to think "rrr can't speak to me" because by then I seriously will not be bothered !!!
Author mistakesweremade Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 (edited) Im just going to do it. Just move on... I do have to talk to her one more time this month to square up a bill. But I'll keep that all business. Honestly, I am happy I stayed in contact, not for the fact the I still think about her. For the fact it has actually given me the power to not want/take her back. Had I went NC immediately she would have come back begging to take me back, and I probably would have. I also think we would be broken up again, if not by now definitely in the future. By no means am I downplaying NC. I think it definitely serves a purpose. Just be honest with yourself about your motivations behind it. Edited January 16, 2010 by mistakesweremade grammer
HLP234 Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 When I think of NC, I do it because I was hurt by her actions. Gives a reason for not ever saying anything to her. And I know she will never say something to me because if she was able to leave me from "break" to go with another person right a way, without a word..I know she has nothing to say for probably being ashamed. I feel better that I am somewhat moving on although I miss how she used to make me feel. Right now I'm just hanging out with many other girls and not really expecting anything from it..which for once I dunno why, feels good like that somewhat. Probably because I still hurt and don't want anything else for a while.
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