dreamer84 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 has anyone done this? i have...i will admit...i did today...i found out her new girl's name and looked her up on face book...i see "my girl"'s younger sister added her new gf as a friend.... that hurt....she's getting in with the family....something i didnt get a chance to do...
Catseye8 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Oh, I've done it. Lots of us have. But trust me, stop. There is nothing, nothing good that you'll see, and your mind will turn anything neutral into ammunition to pummel yourself with further. What helped me to stop looking was telling myself "He does not have the right to make me feel bad."
canadaman111 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I have done this too. The reality is you aren't ready for what ever you find and are much better off not to look. I would tell myself that i am looking for good things not bad. The problem was I never found anything I was happy I found out.
twinklecat Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Hiya dreamer84 Really sorry to hear of your hurt and pain, but you have just found out why checking up on the ex is always a bad idea. I know it's easier said than done, but STAY AWAY from them in every possible way, what they are doing now you cannot handle, and will prolong the healing process. Go complete NC, and that means deleting them from facebook, msn, the lot! It sounds harsh and difficult, believe me I have been there, and it helps so much! Out of sight out of mind, so you can move on and focus on yourself.
CaliGuy Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Have not done it but have had it done to me (and it's still going on) and to be honest, it's creepy. What's done is done and can not be changed. Move forward with your life, don't live in the past. Don't check up on your exes unless you like self-abuse.
Jake Barnes Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Only when Im bored out of my skull. Lately thats pretty often. It has more to do with being too broke to support my hobbies than anything else The thing about internet stalking is its pretty cheap
Ilovecake Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Yeah I've done it, saw that his younger sister is friends with the new chick. Saw some aunt post how extremely happy she was to meet her. Then I saw what he looks like now and all I could think was man am I glad I'm not his girlfriend anymore. I would be embaressed to walk down the street with a guy that looks this aweful.
Jake Barnes Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 has anyone done this? i have...i will admit...i did today...i found out her new girl's name and looked her up on face book...i see "my girl"'s younger sister added her new gf as a friend.... that hurt....she's getting in with the family....something i didnt get a chance to do... shes getting in with the family? wait theyre the same sex?
and.then.some Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I've been cyber stalked and stalked IRL and it's really pretty frightening. Honestly, I think a lot of people use the word "stalk" too loosely. I don't think there's anything at all wrong with searching someone's name for whatever reason. Especially when it comes to social networking sites, the people who don't want to be found hide. However, when it comes to coping, I don't think it's a good idea at all. It'll only serve to fill your head with negative thoughts and self-doubts, when you need most of all to look forward, not back. Best wishes
gaudi Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 It's absolutely pointless. What on earth does anybody expect to find?? A message posted on their "wall" or whatever saying how much they want you back ??They just forgot to call/text you to tell you this fact ?? It's no good checking it, you'll either find the EX looking great and moving on without you (making you feel terrible) or you will find some tiny little clue that makes you think you could still have a chance, thus resulting in false hope for you and a bumpy ride back down to earth!! 1
McGrupp Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 saw the ex reactivated her account. ahhhh! so i deactivated mine. i suggest you do the same. all your good friends and family you can call/email.
shadowplay Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 (edited) Everyone does it. I've googled every guy I've dated and was even mildly interested in. It's natural curiosity. I'm sure they've google stalked me as well. I facebook stalked my boyfriend before we first went out when I was considering emailing him. Facebook will tell you a lot about a person you're interested in. First off, it will usually clue you in to whether they're taken or not. If they don't have relationship status up, you can usually tell by postings on their wall. You can also garner a surprising amount about somebody's personality by looking through their photos. Wall posts can be just as revealing. Do they have a harem of opposite sex admirers who constantly post suggestive things? That's usually a red flag. Sometimes, if they're not very discreet, you can nfer their whole relationship history simply by reading their wall. "so and so" is in a relationship with "so and so" on -----. "so and so" went from in a relationship to single on -----. I If it's in the public domain I have no compunction about doing it. Edited January 14, 2010 by shadowplay
CaliGuy Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 saw the ex reactivated her account. ahhhh! so i deactivated mine. i suggest you do the same. all your good friends and family you can call/email. Don't need to deactivate your account. Just BLOCK them on your FB security settings and you'll never see anything from them. It will appear to them as if you completely erased your account. And -- they will be gone from your eyes and you won't be able to cyber stalk them. WIN/WIN in my opinion.
Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I haven't done it and refuse to do it because I know it will just hurt me to see him moving on while I'm still trying to recover. I have made that mistake with my other ex's and now I recognize that it is just self-destructive and just torture. This is why I believe NC should extend to not viewing your ex's facebook or myspace accts. Cut them off from your life completely including viewing them online. It's hard to move on if you still keep tabs on what your ex is doing... Also, I just finished reading "It's called a breakup cuz it's broken" by the author of "he's just not into you"... It's a good read. It helped me a lot.
Author dreamer84 Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 (edited) lol @ some of the responses...yes...its a lesbian relationship...im a lesbian i know better but i wanted to know more about the chick. and i also wanted to find out when the new chick broke up with her gf...because...well yes me snooping came across an interesting history with these two met in sept...by nov they are sharing i love yous (now that wasnt found by snooping ) meanwhile the new chick still has her page saying "engaged" and pics of her and her (now ex) up....all of a sudden one day the pages change to single...and now they are together...so im like....hmmmm i wanted to know some whens being nosy. they added each other november 7...they are in a relationship january 3rd.... plus the new chick is not cute at all....the girl is taller than me..but thats it... im just like wtf @ her on why she decided on this chick and not me...the one who has been there, done alot... i just feel it has gotten a bit out of hand lately... its also hard do the out of sight and mind thing because her stuff is still here...and i can';t put it anywhere, no storage space....she is suppose to send for it.(im not helping, ive helped enough it will put me in a hole if i did.) and well...we never gotten together officially...so there is nothing to be broken...if we were to give it a try...we'd last...but she just being young....so idk....but it hurts though cause of the "nice" things she said...and promised. but it kind of feels like we were in one...she said it herself when we argued once. idk why i care. the whole thing is complicated...only bcause of her though Edited January 15, 2010 by dreamer84
Ilovecake Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 wtf @ her on why she decided on this chick and not me I think that's exactly the reason why most of us do it, we want to know what the new person has that we didn’t. For me it was also hope that I would see my exes life was falling apart without me. People tend to put a lot of info out there in the public. It's only natural curiosity for us to look.
Oh Moe Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 OK now my computer ignorance is going to show. How in the hell do you stalk someone on the internet?
patkirk Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 It's checking out their social networking sites to see what they're up to, searching their names on google and such.....pretty much anything that can yield some sort of new information about them.
annxxdisaster Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I do itt. I have too much time on my hands at work. :\ His life isn't that interesting though. I did find out he likes to play World of Warcraft and has paid like, $500 for an account. I've also managed to make him really bitter about dating and he now thinks that all women are evil--especially me. Which is kind of funny, seeing as he was the one who broke up with me. Oh well.
Author dreamer84 Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 she's not happy totally in her relationship...its not long term
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