BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Why do you think people have affairs with people they work with? It seems like most of the people I know...that this has been the case. What is it about the work place??
reboot Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Where else can you get that kind of close contact, and that amount of close contact, with someone else as a married person otherwise spending the rest of most days with kids and spouse? Not to mention, at the workplace, as opposed to many other places you might be outside of the workplace, people are most often dressed nicely, smell good, etc.
2sure Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I'm sure its the contact and availability. Some people spend more time with the people they work with than they do their own families. That alone brings a comfort level and familiarity. Work / Networking is where people meet once you are out of school.
Brokenlady Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 The same reason people meet a lot of their friends and boyfriends through work. You spend 8 hours a day there.
anne1707 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 It's known as the propinquity effect. The more time you spend with people, eg through work, the more likely it is that you will like them whether as a friend or more. You also have something in common straight away which helps break down barriers.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 okay so my second question would be how do you get over jealousy of the other women your H works with?? My mother and fathers 16yr marriage destroyed thanks to my fathers affair with a woman that resulted in pregnancy. My H works in a small family owned business with about 10 people that run the office. 2 of the women there are very attractive and I can't stand it! My MIL (who also works there) takes these 2 to lunch quite a bit (I'm sure they know a Sh** load about me because she hates me) and sometimes my H goes along. I hate going into his work because the girl at the front dresses like shes trying out for america's next top model...I have yet to see her in a ponytail...and to top it all off my MIL constantly talks about how beautiful they are and blah blah blah...I think I would be sooo much happier if I didn't feel this way.
reboot Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 If you can trust your husband, you have no reason to be jealous. If you can't trust your husband, you have bigger problems than being jealous.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 Reboot, I can't trust my H. We're working on it..but hes had some emotional infidelities in the past.
2sure Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Sure, of course you would be happier if you didnt feel that way. If you trust someone, and if someone can be trusted - it doesnt matter where they work or who with. Thats the great part about a good and heathy relationship. On the other hand - if you do not feel trusting, thats a terrible feeling. Either you have issues and insecurities you brought with you, in which case you and H need to work on that together . OR He cannot be trusted and thats that. It wont matter where he works or who with, your relationship will not be good and healthy. Start there.
angie2443 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Do you feel that your MIL respects you? If not, and if she says derogatory things about you, do you feel your husband stands up for you?
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 absolutely not. She doesn't respect me one bit. She doesn't say these things to my H...she says them to the girls only. My H is getting better about standing up to her but......I don't know I'm just lost about it all
angie2443 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Reboot, I can't trust my H. We're working on it..but hes had some emotional infidelities in the past. I posted before I read this. Has he worked on himself regarding his emotional infidelities? Has made an effort in developing better relationship skills and better bounderies?
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 How do you know when trust is completely lost? Is there a way to come back from it? Somedays I feel like I won't ever trust him again and I should just D him..before I end up down the road wondering why its all happening again.
angie2443 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 absolutely not. She doesn't respect me one bit. She doesn't say these things to my H...she says them to the girls only. My H is getting better about standing up to her but......I don't know I'm just lost about it all To me, this would be a red flag. In my mind, if my MIL didn't respect, and she felt confortable enough to share that with my H in any way, shape or form, it would signal to me that my H also didn't respect me, or at least that he put his mother above me. You say that he is getting better at standing up to her. I hope this continues.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 Hes in counseling for sexual addiction..hes doing a 12 step program..but this is the 5th strike with us and we've been together for 6 yrs. I'm just about to give up
angie2443 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 How do you know when trust is completely lost? Is there a way to come back from it? Somedays I feel like I won't ever trust him again and I should just D him..before I end up down the road wondering why its all happening again. I think your spouse has to earn your trust back. This can take years, even if it's just emotional infidelity. Your spouse has to change the behaviors that lead him to be unfaithful in the first place, IMO.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 We have been to MC and now we are each seeing IC.
silktricks Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 5 strikes would be 4 too many for me IMO you need to take a hard look at why you are continuing to stay in the marriage. Good luck to you. From another thread, it appears that you would view physical as "beyond" redemption, so I assume you know - or at least believe - that all 5 strikes are EAs?
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 I'm in love with him. Even though he continues to hurt me. He did the phone sex thing behind my back for years until it all exploded one day when I decided to dig into a charge on our account. He had accounts on Sexsearch, Adultfriendfinder, and another one similar to those. He claims that he got on those sites to masturbate to the pics (which I half way believe seeing is he didn't pay for a membership on any of these. He had an EA our first year together.
silktricks Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I'm in love with him. Even though he continues to hurt me. He did the phone sex thing behind my back for years until it all exploded one day when I decided to dig into a charge on our account. He had accounts on Sexsearch, Adultfriendfinder, and another one similar to those. He claims that he got on those sites to masturbate to the pics (which I half way believe seeing is he didn't pay for a membership on any of these. He had an EA our first year together. I truly understand being in love and holding onto that love sometimes in the face of all reason. Truly, I get it. ...but (you knew that was coming, right?)... You are showing him that it is ok with you for both him AND his mother to disrespect you. You are not respecting yourself. I'm glad you are in IC, as the behavior you are accepting from him is ALL WRONG! (((Hugs)))
Space Ritual Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Respect is earned. Trust is a gift. Exactly...and as opposed to those who think they can demand respect, you can't get true respect unless you truly give it. The whole respect issue has been skewed by those who have no conception of what it really is.
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Why do you love him? Don't have to answer here..But really think about it.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 I love him because he is my everything, whenever I think about the future he is the first thing I see, I love him because he really does try..I know he has messed up BIG TIME but since then he has made every attempt to fix things, I love him because he is the best father, he is a very passionate person about everything he does, everyday is exciting with him, our chemistry is through the roof, we've been through hell and back together...he is my best friend, and I know for a fact I want to grow old with him..
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