I have a friend my gf wants to meet, but my friend is a HOMEWRECKER!!

[AloneinTexas]

Hi all!

 

I have been dating a wonderful lady for a couple months now. We are exclusive and everything is great.

 

She originally met me for a 1st date by flying out to see me spontaneously while I was on a trip with a friend of mine. This friend however did not get to meet my gf on our 1st date because I wanted her to be sure she got the right impression (that it was a serious sorta date and not a "hang out") so she knew my intentions.

 

Since we have been dating though, she has still not met him yet. There have been opportunities since I have been back but nothing has panned out yet. She asked about him today that maybe we could all do something this weekend. I contacted my friend and he has other plans.

 

My friend:

 

He is single right now, and lonely and is lacking confidence. He is also quite creepy and is very much a homewrecker. There are times where he drinks and hits on girls who are in relationships or are married. The main reason I have kept him away from my gf up to this point (and even the 1st date) is because he doesn't know his boundary and I was afraid of him being more cool and calm while I was still nervous (on my 1st date.) Now that I'm obviously comfortable with my gf, I am still apprehensive about us all hanging out. He is a friend, but I just don't trust the guy around any girls of mine, and I'm not the only one who feels this way. He has even asked me if I wanna get an apartment together with him since we are both living with our parents at the moment (we are mid 20's college grads). My first thought is I do NOT want to because then he and my gf will see a lot of each other. He is a pretty funny guy.

 

Concerns/Questions:

 

1. How do I keep him at a distance without having it be too obvious to my gf I'm insecure with him around her?

 

2. If they do end up liking each other, am I just better off anyways? Or am I supposed to be somewhat controlling in this situation?

 

3. Can anyone offer me sound advice? Do I look at it like 1. I keep them away so there's no chance of feelings developing or 2. Trust her and if she does leave me for him this sort of thing would have happened anyways?

 

Our relationship (gf and I) is very good right now, I just dont wanna screw this up.

[O'Malley]

He is also quite creepy and is very much a homewrecker.

There are times where he drinks and hits on girls who are in relationships or are married.

 

I just don't trust the guy around any girls of mine, and I'm not the only one who feels this way.

 

Exactly what qualities does this guy possess, that make you seek out his friendship?

 

Maybe you could just explain to your girlfriend what you posted here. The more excuses you come up with about not meeting this guy, the more your girlfriend will think something is wrong (that you don't want your friends to know you are dating her).

[OnlyJake]

Beyond the fact that you shouldn't be such close friends with someone you can't/don't trust, I fail to see what the issue here is.

 

You trust your gf don't you?

[Leonard]

Beyond the fact that you shouldn't be such close friends with someone you can't/don't trust, I fail to see what the issue here is.

 

You trust your gf don't you?

 

Trusting his girlfriend won't stop her from falling victim to her primal instincts and sleeping with his friend, no matter how much she denies it.

[AloneinTexas]

well this begs the question for the last poster, should anyone bring the significant other around someone who they feel is a threat? that shows a lack of trust right?

[O'Malley]

Falling victim to primal instincts, my azz. It's always a deliberate decision.

 

You are not obligated to introduce your girlfriend to friends/acquaintances you don't trust, but she will perceive that a) you don't trust her, or b) you have something to hide. Your girlfriend has likely come across this type of individual before. Do you believe she is the type of person who can make sound decisions?

 

I fail to see why "my friend is a untrustworthy douche-bag who hits on all of his buddies' girlfriends, so I'm uncomfortable about introducing you," would not be applicable in this situation. This will make her curious about you, as he does seem to be a close friend (correct me if I'm wrong). The question again is, what is this guy's appeal for you?

[AloneinTexas]

i think she may feel i dont trust HER by never having them meet, and she has mentioned him a bunch of times like trying to get to meet him, in a group setting or party but still has yet to. I have bad mouthed him to her in the context he doesnt know his boundaries and even had a female friend say he was creepy etc. But the fact is still that i sense that she wants to meet him.

[Kizzyfur]

My question here would be, why is she so adamant about meeting him in the first place? Especially so early on into the relationship.

[OnlyJake]

She can't control if your friend hits on her, but she can control her own actions and response to it. Hopefully she respects you and behaves accordingly. If not, do you want to date her anyways?

 

Besides, I fail to see what's so compelling about your friend. All that I'm seeing here is that you're putting your friend on a pedestal and making him all powerful and irrisistable to women and you just sound insecure.