Hot Carl Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I'm sorry. I'm sure you're pretty great. Jake agreed with me though.
Author shadowplay Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 I'm sorry. I'm sure you're pretty great. Jake agreed with me though. I don't understand the point of writing in someone's thread just to insult them.
ella23 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Shadow, my advice is to back away slowly. Be unavailable and distant with him. Men respond when a woman moves AWAY from them, not TOWARD them. Wth? How on earth will that help? Playing games is hardly going to help.
Holding-On Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 My husband told me he thought he wanted to marry me at the 6 week mark. Guess what? We're still very happily married. I adore him. Sometimes men (or women!) just really fall for a person. Yes, you could end up with your heart broken but that could happen in any relationship. Please don't start game playing. He's being wonderfully honest with you, why ruin that?? And yes, in the beginning he is going to have more infatuation especially as you are the first woman he has had sex with. He's likely associating you with all these tremendous and amazing new feelings. That doesn't mean it MUST turn out awful when he comes a bit more down to earth. This life we have is so short. Just enjoy having someone who is really loving you.
Jake Barnes Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I was just baiting Jake. Honest.i feel like ive been punked
Author shadowplay Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 I was just baiting Jake. Honest. Hello, Johan.
Jake Barnes Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Hello, Johan. Johan? I was sure it was Storyrider all this time I feel like Ive been punked again
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Relax and enjoy it ! Anthing can happen at anytime to anyone, so whats the point in worrying ? This is exactly right. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow. He could die of some weird disease. SP, nothing is guaranteed. But if we spend our entire lives guarded, we never get to experience the full joy and beauty that is available. That's JMO.
monkey00 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 This is a good point and shouldn't be glanced over. Here, your BF hasn't had the experiences to know what makes him tick, what works for him and what doesn't. You're basically all he knows. That may not be such a bad thing. Sometimes for those that are inexperienced, the first one that comes around can be keepers. My guy friend got his first gf (before her he's never had any prior experience with any other girl), and also first love at 24 and they're still happily together. Hey I'm just being optimistic here but when things click between two people that are synchronized, things can move at a pretty fast pace.
Author shadowplay Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 I know he values who I am, but I wonder if a lot of his enthusiasm is based on how I look. He's said to me that he never thought he'd be with somebody as "beautiful" as he apparently thinks I am, and that none of his past girlfriends were "that great looking." I really hope he isn't infatuated just because he thinks I'm out of his league, because that wears really thin. I guess it's OK as long as he values other things about me, which he does. I just really need to stop worrying and enjoy.
Simon Attwood Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Yeah, he's 21, turning 22 in a week and a half. I'm 26. He's had a few short lived relationships, but I'm the first girl he's had sex with and probably his first serious girlfriend. Then he will love you like he will never love anyone else ever again This is part of the reason I fear his feelings are just based on inexperience and excitement about having a girlfriend who likes him. No Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. Bertrand Russell, Conquest of Happiness (1930) ch. 12
Author shadowplay Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 (edited) I really do love him. I felt it strongly last night. He's just so amazing. I can't describe it but he understands me in this immediate, intuitive way that no one ever has...and it's so unexpected because it comes from the type of guy I always admired but thought would be too cool for me. And he's remarkably healthy. He's confident and happy. I thought only guys with issues would get me, but I was wrong. Edited January 15, 2010 by shadowplay
aerogurl87 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Your boyfriend sounds like my ex. Except my ex told me he loved me after knowing me for a week, had it in his head that I was perfect till I burst his bubble. Somehow after that his view got even more distorted. I was still perfect to him, but at the same time I was the epitome of evil. It didn't make sense to me, but anyway I'd be careful OP. Make sure he knows your capable of mistakes and aren't some grand goddess who can do no wrong. Also make sure you don't fall prey to white knight syndrome. You don't want to start feeling like you have to always save him from something in some way, shape, or form. Just a word of caution.
Author shadowplay Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 Your boyfriend sounds like my ex. Except my ex told me he loved me after knowing me for a week, had it in his head that I was perfect till I burst his bubble. Somehow after that his view got even more distorted. I was still perfect to him, but at the same time I was the epitome of evil. It didn't make sense to me, but anyway I'd be careful OP. Make sure he knows your capable of mistakes and aren't some grand goddess who can do no wrong. Also make sure you don't fall prey to white knight syndrome. You don't want to start feeling like you have to always save him from something in some way, shape, or form. Just a word of caution. I'll be careful, but I don't think my boyfriend is that crazy. He's pretty sane.
aerogurl87 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I'll be careful, but I don't think my boyfriend is that crazy. He's pretty sane. Yeah I don't think most people are as crazy as my ex who had a host of psychological problems ranging from abuse trauma to him being bipolar. So just enjoy and who knows, he could be the one for you. Oh here I am being optimistic again, lol.
Author shadowplay Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Now he's talking about where we'll move together in a year when we graduate....hmmm. I've told him I want to move to NY, and he's pressuring me to consider Vancouver or Toronto because he doesn't like NY. He's said he wants to follow me wherever I go ... I dunno guys.
Star Gazer Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Now he's talking about where we'll move together in a year when we graduate....hmmm. I've told him I want to move to NY, and he's pressuring me to consider Vancouver or Toronto because he doesn't like NY. He's said he wants to follow me wherever I go ... I dunno guys. This word has come up more than once in recent discussions about your BF... PRESSURING you... to do what he wants, yet saying he'll follow your lead? That sounds like a manipulative guilt trip to me.
threebyfate Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 shadow, it's like you're deliberately trying to sabotage this relationship. Why?
Star Gazer Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I don't think Shadow is trying to sabotage her relationship. I think she's being smart, and recognizing things that may turn into larger issues. She's not being wilfully blind, or deliberately naive, as she has in the past. Rather, she's approaching this rationally... which is a good thing.
Agoraphobianebula Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Shadow, I think you should take all declarations of love right now with a grain of salt until it stands the test of time. Just relax and let things play out. Some relationships catch fire immediately and that fire remains burning after years together. Some catch fire and burn out just as quickly. I don't know if you can really predict which course your relationship will take. You just have to watch and wait, only time will tell.
threebyfate Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I was thinking about this a bit more, about why you might be deliberately sabotaging this relationship. If you're just not that into him, it's okay not to want to continue with this relationship. Plenty of women do this fault gathering, looking for excuses to exit relationships, when it's just a waste of time to do that. If he's not the cat's meow for you, just let him go, the sooner the better, for his sake.
Stockalone Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 (edited) Now he's talking about where we'll move together in a year when we graduate....hmmm. Well, what else should he be doing? I think he is actually being responsible, thinking ahead and asking those questions. Graduation will have an impact on your relationship. What will you do when you graduate, where will you live, what do you want? Do you guys think this relationship has an expiration date (in this case graduation)? I very much doubt that is how he sees it. What about you? Are you guys thinking about a LDR after college? Are you planning a life together after graduation, moving to a city together, living together? Granted, your relationship is still young, but that doesn't change the fact that graduation is coming (a year sounds far away but it really isn't) and what you do afterwards is a very important decision. It is important for your life in general, for your career, but it will also have a huge impact on your relationship. You'll have to talk about this sometime, and it is also okay to be scared of talking about it. If you aren't ready for that discussion yet, I can understand that too. However, waiting until graduation is a week away isn't good either. Like it or not, there are things we have to deal with even if we are scared or feel like we aren't ready yet. This is exactly the sort of thing that you need to talk and think about for a while before you make a decision. I've told him I want to move to NY, and he's pressuring me to consider Vancouver or Toronto because he doesn't like NY. He's said he wants to follow me wherever I go ... I dunno guys. If he is pressuring you, tell him to stop and explain why you feel pressured. He shouldn't be pressuring you in the first place, but he might not be aware of what he is doing. Also, this is the same advice I have for the bedroom issues you mentioned in another section of this board. It's important that you tell him when you don't like certain things. If you keep feeling pressured but don't do anything about it, it certainly won't get better. I don't think he is manipulating you, but I'll admit that is a possibility. You already know how his brother is, make sure he doesn't look at him as a role model. Incidentally, how are you feeling about his brother? Is he starting to look more appealing to you? How about other men? I understand this is a loaded question, and also somewhat insulting. I don't need an answer, but I think this is an important thing to answer for yourself. Your bf will change within his first serious relationship, he will want to try things inside and outside the bedroom, he will also grow to like or dislike certain things. For better or worse, your bf isn't "finished/polished" relationship material yet, he is a work in progress as far as relationships are concerned. In short, he will have to find his way, what kind of bf and man he is going to be. There are many things he has to learn and adjust to. But keep in mind, that is something that you will have a bearing on. You have to ask yourself if he is likely to mature into the kind of man you can see yourself with in the future. You will have to help and guide him in the right direction, which most likely will require a lot of work and patience on your part. You can't expect him to be ready ("trained" if you will) yet. And if you have doubts about him or yourself, you should just talk to him. And if you think that he isn't what you expected (you thought he was different) and also not going to be what you want, you'll have to admit this to yourself and decide if you want to continue with this relationship. Edited January 25, 2010 by Stockalone
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