TerryW Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I stepped on a landmine on Monday. I found his profile on ashelymadison.com. He says he didn't remember it. How can you be tearing your family apart and not remember? He doesn't want to go back and see just how terrible he was. I told him he must as I can't take anymore. I hope he does.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 GOD, terry, I am so sorry. I am right where you are right now, well not exactly that site but I found 3 adult dating websites and well, since I'm going crazy I've probably checked about 300 other related sites since then... What are you going to do?>
OWoman Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I stepped on a landmine on Monday. I found his profile on ashelymadison.com. He says he didn't remember it. How can you be tearing your family apart and not remember? He doesn't want to go back and see just how terrible he was. I told him he must as I can't take anymore. I hope he does. Given that ashleymadison is specifically for married people seeking some extra-marital action, I'd say that that is a little more calculated than some arb adult dating site where, it could be argued, he was merely indulging some fantasy of "way back when I was still single". This is a site catering specifically to MPs and APs who want involvement with a MP. A profile there pretty much screams intent to "cheat". If he truly "didn't remember it", the email messages, text alerts and other notifications that come from a site like that would have triggered his remembering - unless they're all going to a cellphone / email account he's still keeping hidden?
1Angel Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Of course he says he doesn't remember. He's hoping you'll just fall off his trail and say oh that's ok.
NoIDidn't Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Given that ashleymadison is specifically for married people seeking some extra-marital action, I'd say that that is a little more calculated than some arb adult dating site where, it could be argued, he was merely indulging some fantasy of "way back when I was still single". This is a site catering specifically to MPs and APs who want involvement with a MP. A profile there pretty much screams intent to "cheat". If he truly "didn't remember it", the email messages, text alerts and other notifications that come from a site like that would have triggered his remembering - unless they're all going to a cellphone / email account he's still keeping hidden? Great points. Tell him to log in to that site so you can see how his profile is set up. Don't tell him the part about wanting to see his profile though. Tell him you want to erase his info and cancel it and he needs to log on for that. Don't be surprised if he refuses, or says something like "I don't see the point of that. I forgot I had it. Just leave it be." Sounds like there is a secret email/phone around somewhere. Check and see if he used a joint credit card to pay for membership. That will give you access even if he doesn't want to.
Author TerryW Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 I found it through an e-mail account that I have control of now. I've had it for at least 6 months. Nothing else has come through there. This e-mail was trying to get him to pay for the site. I guess they let him set it up free (he's very cheap) I looked to see if he paided for it from our credit card and paypal and I can't find where he did. This isn't anything NEW that I found out. Just the names/sites have changed. Read my other posts if you want the dirty dirty. It's just another reminder of how dirty he was/is. He has been doing just about everything he can to make it up. Everything except go back. He really doesn't want to admit to himself what he has done. What am I going to do? I don't know. I logged on this morning hoping that someone had read my post and when I saw that 204 of you had read it I was surprised and heartbroken. 204 of you are in the same place as me? I said a prayer for all of you. I hope you have a good day today.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Terry, I hope your husband can find the strength to change. Reading your posts are like reading something I wrote. One day all the mistrust will go away and we will stop going through every little peice of evidence only to be ripped apart. I hope you have a good day too!
Author TerryW Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 He asked me where he should look to go back. So funny and stupid. I screamed at him "How should I know? Where do cheating men go?" He said that he would. He said he was going to use google to see where. I told him "No, You have to go back in your mind. His need to not see what he has done is understandable really. Understandable but necessary. I think we are going to have to look at the calendar starting in March of last year and go week by week till May 19th. I told him that these uncoming months were already starting to weigh upon me. The fact that he registered our daughter for softball on Sunday - You were cheating on me last year during softball. The 19th of EVERY month. He said he didn't realize that even the season reminds me. I think he is starting to realize the depts of this but I'm going to have to push for this last thing that I need. I'm not looking forward to the pain that I know is coming but having him really SEE himself and what he has done is what I need. Yes, he's remorseful but I need him to own this.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 It sucks that everything that was going on during your husbands stunts will always remind you of it! Did he have any problems before this? have you guys been here before?
Author TerryW Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 No problems before this. Just years of neglect on both our parts.
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