anxiety and dwelling on things is ruing my life

[brock9911]

Well i made the attempt to go out with her again tonight or tomorrow, lets see how that works out...im getting anxious thinking about it...i need to just relax, and im havin so much trouble doing so

[single]

You will be fine.

 

Chill out and have a laugh with the girl, i'm not making light of your anxiety because i have been there felt like a heart attack lying down in the pavement with people walking past thinking i was off my head on drugs.

 

I beat it might take you a bit longer but you will get there one day.

 

Keep yourself busy today and take her out somewhere tonight quiet and chill with her and have fun.

 

all the best

[brock9911]

thanx ill try...i had one girl friend of mine ask me well are you sure its not because u just dont like her and ur stuck in the position ur in...than she had my mind running of coarse now cuz i analyze absolutely everything...but i know thats silly cuz iv been out with girls that i dont like before. taken them out, had drinks, and i didnt have this, i think its that she has me flustered and im nervous. in the same respect that i like her, and also because of the past relationship i had.

 

i need to just stop thinking so much. its really the enemy. over think and make situations more complicated than they should be. but i will try to take everyones advice

[single]

You must like her and your getting yourself all worked in case you do something which you think is stupid.

 

Thing is if she is in to you then she will not give a ****, just relax and be yourself.

 

Don't know if your working today but if not go to the gym or keep yourself busy doing something

 

What will be will be.

[brock9911]

unfortunately i do have work. id like to get to the gym and do some running to free my mind a bit. but maybe tomorrow...i need to just go with the flow and let things fall into place. but before things even go wrong i seem to manifest some problem, or her not liking something about me before nething even happens.

[single]

Meeting a girl tonight just for some drinks and laugh so this will be my last post but trust me Brock women pick up on negative vibes so just go to your work get your job done come home and have a good night.

 

chill out she likes you.

 

have fun.

[mickleb]

unfortunately i do have work. id like to get to the gym and do some running to free my mind a bit. but maybe tomorrow...i need to just go with the flow and let things fall into place. but before things even go wrong i seem to manifest some problem, or her not liking something about me before nething even happens.

 

Have you ever studied a martial art, brock? Could address the problem in many ways at once: fitness improved, self-discipline developed, social circle widened due to joining a regular group, practise focusing your mind, controlled breathing helps relaxation, f*cking cool and the chicks LOVE it and the new bod... self-esteem issues silenced with one deadly karate chop.

 

I'm sure there's a class near you.

 

x

[GrayClouds]

Have you ever studied a martial art, brock? Could address the problem in many ways at once: fitness improved, self-discipline developed, social circle widened due to joining a regular group, practise focusing your mind, controlled breathing helps relaxation, f*cking cool and the chicks LOVE it and the new bod... self-esteem issues silenced with one deadly karate chop.

 

I'm sure there's a class near you.

 

x

Everyone was Kung Fu fighting,HOOOOooo

They were as fast as lighting HAAAaaaaa

 

 

Thanks Mic, I will be singing that for a week!

 

 

.

[sedgwick]

Look at it this way...at least you went! I haven't had a date since my ex left me 2.5 years ago. I've barely left my apartment because I still feel such tremendous guilt and shame about not being good enough for him, so I haven't had any opportunity to meet anyone. When I dared a few months ago to express a teeny bit of interest in someone I already knew, he immediately shot me down with an "I'm not attracted to you."

 

I have become a totally different person, a hermit. I feel so low I don't want to bother anyone else with my presence. So please keep dating, for those of us who will never get asked out again!! You can do it!

[Toki]

Ma' Man, I understand. Having lived with Bipolar disorder for the better part of ten years, anxiety, depression, and mania is pretty much the order of the day, every day. People are telling you to use self help books, which are crap, only people who don't need help refer to self help books. There are medications, which might not be a bad way to go, but personally I dislike the inevitable, unruly hunger pangs and weight gain that so often come hand-in-hand with that.

 

Overcoming anxiety/stress is about practice, don't think about what you're going to do before doing it, just do it. It's hard, your mind and body will do everything in it's power to betray you, but you just have to keep pushing at it. Eventually, you can manage to tune out the voices in your head that tell you repeatedly not to do something, or that you have to act, or look, or talk a certain way. You can walk into most situations that make you uncomfortable, and at the very least you can act confident of yourself, if not outright believe it. The anxiety attacks will come later, but usually for me anyways, it's after the night has come to it's conclusion, and I'm within the serenity of my own comfort zone.

 

Also, regimenting your time schedule is a great way to reduce anxiety, if you give yourself plenty of time every day to do whatever you need to do, and you follow it faithfully, things will get better. I've found out, that doing everything at the last minute builds up, and by the end of the day I'm fried and really don't want to be in any type of stress inducing situation.

 

Also, working out, not necessarily a lot, but just 60 minutes a week releases enough endorphines to push out a lot of negative thoughts you might have about your current situation, when I get stressed, I hit the gym. Any questions?

[Simon Attwood]

People are telling you to use self help books, which are crap, only people who don't need help refer to self help books.

I'd just like to point out that no one has suggested a "self help" book . I would prefer to call "The Power of Now" a self realisation book. Ultimately the change comes when, as we become more conscious of what is unconscious, we then learn how to control those feelings.

 

There are medications, which might not be a bad way to go, but personally I dislike the inevitable, unruly hunger pangs and weight gain that so often come hand-in-hand with that.

 

All medications for mental health problems were discovered by accident as side effects when trying to treat other ailments. They were never designed for the treatment purposes that they are being applied to. At most they were adapted once they were shown to have an affect on certain conditions. (Read; "Madness Explained; psychosis and human nature" by Richard P Bentall).

 

We are still paddling in the shallows of the oceans of our minds in terms of our understanding of the processes involved. But we know that the chemicals that control our minds are far stronger than any applied chemicals in the form of drugs; for instance our body can release endorphins that are 100's of times more powerful than morphine. Medication and drugs are not the answer; the answer comes with a greater realisation and understanding of what the mind is and what its processes are and how to consciously influence what was once totally influenced by unconscious processes.

 

Our minds and our thoughts unconsciously stimulate or repress the chemicals responsible for our emotions and feelings. It is often the chemicals we create (or release) or the chemicals we inhibit by our thoughts, or the closing or opening of receptors in the emotional parts of the brain that cause our emotional states and can lead to emotional and psychological imbalance. Drugs, at best, only mask problems or provide a temporary relief by temporarily countering imbalances. When the drug is out of the system we will snap back like an elastic band to the feelings and behaviours that preceded the taking of the drug, and no one knows enough about the long term effects and whether, in the long term, these drugs do more damage than good.

 

The radical proposition is to learn what the mind is, how it works, and how to control it. How to relearn who and what you are.

 

Overcoming anxiety/stress is about practice, don't think about what you're going to do before doing it, just do it. It's hard, your mind and body will do everything in it's power to betray you, but you just have to keep pushing at it. Eventually, you can manage to tune out the voices in your head that tell you repeatedly not to do something, or that you have to act, or look, or talk a certain way. You can walk into most situations that make you uncomfortable, and at the very least you can act confident of yourself, if not outright believe it. The anxiety attacks will come later, but usually for me anyways, it's after the night has come to it's conclusion, and I'm within the serenity of my own comfort zone.

 

Also, regimenting your time schedule is a great way to reduce anxiety, if you give yourself plenty of time every day to do whatever you need to do, and you follow it faithfully, things will get better. I've found out, that doing everything at the last minute builds up, and by the end of the day I'm fried and really don't want to be in any type of stress inducing situation.

 

Also, working out, not necessarily a lot, but just 60 minutes a week releases enough endorphines to push out a lot of negative thoughts you might have about your current situation, when I get stressed, I hit the gym. Any questions?

 

That is pretty good advice J

 

I wouldn’t go as far as suggesting not thinking before acting, but I would suggest guarding against over thinking and perhaps learn techniques, such as in MBCT (Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy), that will give you the ability to control thoughts and perhaps provide countering thoughts to those voices.

 

Learning the destructive influence of those voices is a big step on that journey that you have already taken, Brock.

 

I'll leave you with another quote from "The Power of Now";

 

"The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly—you usually don't use it at all. It uses you."

[mickleb]

Nice quote, Mr Attwood. Or should that be Dr..?

[Simon Attwood]

Nice quote, Mr Attwood. Or should that be Dr..?

 

Nope, not Dr, just Mr

[BTLC23]

I may sound like I'm messing with you brock. But my ex (my first love) or 3.5 years broke up with me in june as well, and I live on Long Island, Nassau County. Maybe we can get together and help each other. I have so much anxiety and thoughts running through my head what if, how, why. I overanalyzing everything I've always been that way and this made it so much worse.

[brock9911]

Wow I'm kinda taken away at how many people responded to this. Anxiety OCD bipolar... These things have haunted me for so long and it is mentally exhausting. I do work out alot and I play hockey, handball, raquettball. I run when I can. I have dropped almost 30 lbs since I broke up with my ex.

 

I went on 2 more dates with this girl. Drinks and a movie. We made out held hands things look good. But now I can't get her out of my mind. I feel like I have more feelings for this girl than iv ever had for anyone else. It scares me cuz I don't want to ruin things so I over think and over analyze everything. All I wanna do is talk or see her but I don't wanna be overbearing. I dunno.

 

I do take medication. Lexapro seroquel and klonopin. And yeah I'm in Suffolk county in the Babylon area