anxiety and dwelling on things is ruing my life

[brock9911]

i went on my first real date since i broke up wit my ex back in june. i really like this girl and shes really down to earth and everything im looking for in someone. but midway through the date, my anxiety just came swarming over me like a bat outa hell. i couldnt calm down, and i almost ruined the date by having to leave. i got a few glasses of water and i was able to settle down.

 

but now all i think about is will it happen next time. will i ruin things. why do i find the need to over analyze every aspect of life. i constantly think into things way to much, and i dwell on everything...i really wish i didnt have this its so uncomfortable, and what should be a nice simple time, turns into a battle in my own head to not look like an idiot

[Simon Attwood]

May i suggest you get yourself a copy of Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now"?

[brock9911]

is that a self help book? its really ridiculous...i know my ex is in my mind and will be, we were together for 8 years...but i like this girl and i feel like im gonna f*ck things up cuz of my condition...and thinking about that just causes me to anxiety at the moment...its horrible

[Simon Attwood]

More a self knowledge book than a self help book; it's about not punsihing yourself for the past or worrying too much about the future, but living your life in the moment, "The Now". It's about not dwelling in the past or the future because these things cause destructive anxieties that ruin your life.

[brock9911]

you apparently know about this, because its exactly whats going on with me right now...it makes me feel like im crazy. like i have no control over my own life or decisions. like the anxiety does all the deciding for me, and the only comfortable way to deal with it is avoiding or escaping the situation

[Simon Attwood]

I've been there.

[brock9911]

how have you coped with the situation or scenario. is it under control or do u still have attacks

[GrayClouds]

How about this sit down with the girl and be honest. Tell her that you dothink she is very nice is a person you would like to get to know better. Tell her despite your rugged good looks, strong and confident demeanor, and that air of carefree attitude, that at times that human part of you arrears. It usually happens when you see something very cool in front of you, that can compliment your life in a very good way. When your in that situation you get bit anxious as a result you have to work hard not to let it get to the best of you.

 

Then tell her that yes when you look at her you see something very cool and on our first date I was hit by that anxiousness and wanted to let you know what was going on. You really like to spend more time to get to know her and hope she feel the same. And if she does you suspect that you may from time to time get hit again by a bit of it but it really helps to be upfront with it.

 

Likely she will understand, and if not she not the chick for you anyway and you save yourself a lot of time and misery. For if she going to go for you she going for the whole you; the intelligent, sensitive, complex individual you are that has some anxiety issues.

 

And the fact is the more up front you are about this stuff the less it affect it has on you.

[brock9911]

always have words of wisdom clouds. i did explain to her a little bit about my anxiety. i didnt go into to much detail, but i did explain that i tend to dwell on things or think into subjects further than needed and that causes my anxiety to flare up...i honestly dont know what sprung this. maybe its because im realizing what i have in front of me and i do like her. maybe its the fact that i can sence she also likes me and made the attempt to stay longer and want to go out another night. maybe its my fear of getting cuaght up again and getting hurt. who knows. but what i do know is all day today iv been over analyzing every detail and thinking about how i might get another attack when we go out again and what if its a bad one. or if i scare her off with all of this. nothing has even happened and i think of the worst possible scenarios...its a sick way my mind works and i hate it

[nobmagnet]

I suffered from panic attacks on and off for 10 years. After lowly left for the first time my self esteem and self worth was at rock bottom. I went on anti depressants saw a shrink for a while and worked on how I got to this point. The more relaxed I became the fewer attacks I got. I am not anxious anymore. I have norman anxiety levels of everyone else.

 

Those crushing panics are hidious and I feel for you. But if you either read slf help books or peak to a theripist you might find the route to your anxiety and it will help you think differently.

 

Mine used to appear at random times.........I didnt even have to be in a stressful situation and I couldnt breath and want to run away..............didnt know where to.........just run.

 

My doctor also recommended propanalol (think thats spelt right) I carry them with me everywhere and if i feel one comming i take one. They slow my heart rate down. They stop the fear shakes too for me anyhoo.

 

Hope This helps.

 

Nob x

[GrayClouds]

always have words of wisdom clouds. i did explain to her a little bit about my anxiety. i didnt go into to much detail, but i did explain that i tend to dwell on things or think into subjects further than needed and that causes my anxiety to flare up...i honestly dont know what sprung this. maybe its because im realizing what i have in front of me and i do like her. maybe its the fact that i can sence she also likes me and made the attempt to stay longer and want to go out another night. maybe its my fear of getting cuaght up again and getting hurt. who knows. but what i do know is all day today iv been over analyzing every detail and thinking about how i might get another attack when we go out again and what if its a bad one. or if i scare her off with all of this. nothing has even happened and i think of the worst possible scenarios...its a sick way my mind works and i hate it

 

Again be honest and complete, If she is a quality chick that can handle it great otherwise you may be able to cover up long enough for both to really fall for each other and then find out she can handle your humanity. And keep crap like this hidden only makes it more like to come out when it can be the most unhelpful. Being up front puts you in control and the more your in control the less need for over thinking. Besides the quality chicks dig honesty.

[Simon Attwood]

Attacks? No. Moments of doubt, uncertainty, anxiety? Sure. We all do. We're human after all.

 

My 20s were full of dysfunctional relationships in both my personal life and well as my professional life. Mostly due to my anxieties and fears and my attempts to deny or repress those fears. Fears of growing up, fear of taking responsibilities, but mostly fear of death.

 

Now 45, I have a very good job as a Contracts/Projects Manager, I am married and I own my own modest home.

 

I would say you have 1 foot firmly planted on to the path if you are conscious of your anxieties making your decisions for you, for that is the most important step.

 

Talking of Fear; I have a section on fear for you, from the book I recommended above;

 

The Origin Of Fear By Eckhart Tolle

 

 

You mentioned fear as being part of our basic underlying emotional pain. How does fear arise, and why is there so much of it in people's lives? And isn't a certain amount of fear just healthy self-protection? If I didn't have a fear of fire, I might put my hand in it and get burned.

 

The reason why you don't put your hand in the fire is not because of fear, it's because you know that you'll get burned. You don't need fear to avoid unnecessary danger - just a minimum of intelligence and common sense. For such practical matters, it is useful to apply the lessons learned in the past. Now if someone threatened you with fire or with physical violence, you might experience something like fear. This is an instinctive shrinking back from danger, but not the psychological condition of fear that we are talking about here. The psychological condition of fear is divorced from any concrete and true immediate danger.

 

It comes in many forms: unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, phobia, and so on. This kind of psychological fear is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening now. You are in the here and now, while your mind is in the future. This creates an anxiety gap. And if you are identified with your mind and have lost touch with the power and simplicity of the Now, that anxiety gap will be your constant companion. You can always cope with the present moment, but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection - you cannot cope with the future. Moreover, as long as you are identified with your mind, the ego runs your life, as I pointed out earlier.

 

Because of its phantom nature, and despite elaborate defense mechanisms, the ego is very vulnerable and insecure, and it sees itself as constantly under threat. This, by the way, is the case even if the ego is outwardly very confident. Now remember that an emotion is the body's reaction to your mind. What message is the body receiving continuously from the ego, the false, mind-made self? Danger, I am under threat. And what is the emotion generated by this continuous message? Fear, of course. Fear seems to have many causes. Fear of loss, fear of failure, fear of being hurt, and so on, but ultimately all fear is the ego's fear of death, of annihilation.

 

To the ego, death is always just around the corner. In this mind-identified state, fear of death affects every aspect of your life. For example, even such a seemingly trivial and "normal" thing as the compulsive need to be right in an argument and make the other person wrong - defending the mental position with which you have identified - is due to the fear of death. If you identify with a mental position, then if you are wrong, your mind-based sense of self is seriously threatened with annihilation. So you as the ego cannot afford to be wrong. To be wrong is to die. Wars have been fought over this, and countless relationships have broken down.

 

Once you have disidentified from your mind, whether you are right or wrong makes no difference to your sense of self at all, so the forcefully compulsive and deeply unconscious need to be right, which is a form of violence, will no longer be there. You can state clearly and firmly how you feel or what you think, but there will be no aggressiveness or defensiveness about it. Your sense of self is then derived from a deeper and truer place within yourself, not from the mind. Watch out for any kind of defensiveness within yourself. What are you defending? An illusory identity, an image in your mind, a fictitious entity. By making this pattern conscious, by witnessing it, you disidentify from it. In the light of your consciousness, the unconscious pattern will then quickly dissolve. This is the end of all arguments and power games, which are so corrosive to relationships. Power over others is weakness disguised as strength.

 

True power is within, and it is available to you now. So anyone who is identified with their mind and, therefore, disconnected from their true power, their deeper self rooted in Being, will have fear as their constant companion. The number of people who have gone beyond mind is as yet extremely small, so you can assume that virtually everyone you meet or know lives in a state of fear. Only the intensity of it varies. It fluctuates between anxiety and dread at one end of the scale and a vague unease and distant sense of threat at the other. Most people become conscious of it only when it takes on one of its more acute forms.

[brock9911]

nob...it does help, and it also is encouraging to know people who go through similar situations to know im not alone in this...

 

it just makes me feel like the freak. like i cant get control of my life. and im afraid that will drive people away. its a lot of baggage to deal with. and i know that once a thought gets into my head i will run with it. i also have ocd which is what triggers the anxiety...i dont go about cleaning or organizing or touching objects a number of times like some. my case is more of obsessing over my own thoughts to the point where it literally drives me nuts...and with most ocd vitims the thoughts are irrational and silly. not really, just obsured. and my release is talking about it and getting it out for need of constant reasurance...which sometimes its private, or embarrassing situations that most people keep to themselves...i really wish things could be different

[single]

I used to get panic attacks just started about 2 yrs ago nearly crashed a car having the first one and had others when flying, work or even in a shop.

 

I never took any medication as i looked into the side effects and didn't fancy them didn't want to become addicted to the meds.

 

Anyway what worked for me was when i got the feeling i was getting one i would encourage the attack as in go ahead let's get this over with do you worst sort of attitude.

 

In the end they just stopped after say 6 months by doing this.

 

You could also try what they call triangle breathing when you feel one starting.

 

1. Inhale for 3 SLOW seconds
   
2. HOLD IT for 3 SLOW seconds
   
3. Exhale completely for 3 SLOW seconds.
   
4. Repeat 3 times.
   

[brock9911]

well mine can get pretty severe...iv ended up in the hospital twice because of them....my mind and body sort of shut down on me. i currently take klonopin for instant relief and lexapro for the long term relief. i just started with the lexapro last week cuz i got lazy and stopped taking the meds and it really screwed me up...i also need seroquel for mood swings which i havent been on for a while, and thats starting to effect me also

[nobmagnet]

take whats offered in my oppion. If you had diabeaties would you not take insulin and go blind......................no you wouldnt.

 

You are obviously aware of your illnesses and thats a great start. Get beck on what meds have been prescribed and start to chill a lille. I Have a busy mind too.....I dwell a little. So I write down my thoughts in letters to me and re read them till they make sence. It kinda calms me seeing it on paper. Its like im talking to my self but somehow it draws a line under it???? Hey sounds crazy but might be worth a try.

 

Anxiety when its sever is such a life limiter but with the right help and meds (if required) it can be overcome with coping mechanisms.

 

i wish you all the very best!!

 

Nob xx

[McGrupp]

power of now basically says:

 

what problems do you have right this minute? i mean unless your lost on the road or your friend just had a heart attack...you have no problems in this moment.

 

anxiety is basically worrying about the past (something you can do NOTHING about)

 

or worrying about the future, which is going to come like it or not.

 

i have anxiety too, basically around the reason im here. but i cant do anything to change her feelings and my future is in only one persons control. me.

 

hard to wrap your head around this...but yeah...anxiety is just another word for worrying.

[brock9911]

yeah it can be very disabling. and what makes the anxiety worse is being your worrying about what ever it is u worry about...than i sit there and worry about what people think of me when i get like that which only causes more anxiety. its my own insecurities that cause my worrying, and i dont know why i have these insecurities but its really depressing...for all i know this girl could be a fling, or she could be a wife of the future. u never know and i worry that ill find a way to screw it up to the point where i will never know

 

im gonna try that book...i dont read much, but maybe reading will help ease my mind

[Zeegagge]

Reading definitely helps, I've been doing some of that. Writing helps too. Ive been getting so much anxiety over my recent break up. I can't keep my head on straight. I can't stop thinking about things. I can't even really function properly. Its so tough. Sometimes I tell myself I'm tough and then I go for a drive, I live in a very scenic place. I feel looking out over the cliffs a the ocean might help. Maybe it does maybe it doesn't but it at least gives me a place to think.

 

I'm actually really freaking out right now. This is so so tough. I don't know what to do. I thought I was feeling better but I just keep having these episodes pop up. It being that we still live in the same house and the **** I've had put in my face definitely has not helped. She leaves Saturday. That should be helpful. It will at least give me a floor to crawl off of.

 

I don't know if I can crash any farther at this point. Things are going to have to start looking up soon. Real soon. They have to.

 

ARG!

[GrayClouds]

John Waters is this successful director who does this weird films once said, and I think we all can benefits from it:

 

I spent the first half of my life trying to fix my issues and overall insanity, now I spending the second half of my life learning to live with them.

 

We all need to work to improve our imperfections but sometimes it is just a matter of find was to work with them.

[brock9911]

i thought my anxiety would have been really bad when my ex and i split, but it started getting worse months later...and now that i have to start over...with a new chick. and one that iv like for a long time, it makes it hard to do it all again...deff gives me anxiety thinking about it

[GrayClouds]

i thought my anxiety would have been really bad when my ex and i split, but it started getting worse months later...and now that i have to start over...with a new chick. and one that iv like for a long time, it makes it hard to do it all again...deff gives me anxiety thinking about it

 

because at the time you were focus on other things and anxiety took a back seat and as you just said the more you focus on it the greater is start to become. Accept that it comes once and while but do not focus on it. It does not define who you are, how yo deal with it does.

[nobmagnet]

agreed. its part of you for now............not forever. Invest in you. Heck try to be you with her! you can over come some of it. We all have lables. ADHD, OCD,Bi-polar, ect.........we all can be labled. But you have to understand we all have them. some big.......some small.........it makes you you. it makes me....me. You are capable of deep love and you wouldnt be here if you were not to be fair.

 

deep breath......mmmmmmmmmmm hey you are breathing! You are alive! aint we lucky????

 

Nob xx

[brock9911]

Yeah, i constantly ask myself, does having this problem make me weak minded or does it make me stronger because of the struggle. either way, i want to control it so when i do go out on a date i can be at piece with myself and not be uncomfortable...its a hard thing to do right now because of my insecurities i guess, but i gotta work on it

[nobmagnet]

xxxxxxxxxxxx all i can say

 

 

Nob