Nomad Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Hey everyone, We've all wanted to do it at one time or another (doubtless leading to some awkwardness and heartbreak for some of us). What's the best way to go from friend to lover? Once the nature of a relationship is "settled," how to try to change it without hurt feelings and embarrassment? Is it best to raise the topic explicitly, or try to let it happen "organically?" Are there ways of dropping subtle hints that you're interested without having to say it?
phineas Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Are you a guy or a girl? If a guy, have you hit gay shopping buddy status or do you just watch movies together on opposite sides of the room?
Thebob Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Hey everyone, We've all wanted to do it at one time or another (doubtless leading to some awkwardness and heartbreak for some of us). What's the best way to go from friend to lover? Once the nature of a relationship is "settled," how to try to change it without hurt feelings and embarrassment? Is it best to raise the topic explicitly, or try to let it happen "organically?" Are there ways of dropping subtle hints that you're interested without having to say it? Friend Zone is way to hard to get out of. Most don't come out alive because once a girl puts you in it, your pretty much squadushe! Sorry for the bad news. Thebob
DustySaltus Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Are you a guy or a girl? If a guy, have you hit gay shopping buddy status or do you just watch movies together on opposite sides of the room? Gay shopping buddy status is tough. Movies on the other side of the room, to quote the movie dumb and dumber "So you're saying there's a chance"? lol Nomad, you need to become more mysterious, avoid conversations about relationships and do fun things where physical activity is involved. Here's an idea: Take her paintballing or something like that. Make sure you are on the same team and then take a bullet for her. Fake your own death, pull her close and tell her in your "last words" that you have feelings for her....then, GO FOR IT. Trust me, if the pent up emotions are there it will be natural. Otherwise....well, we have the ammunition for a new thread. Good luck.
boogieboy Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 The best way to get out of the impossible friendzone is show her youre not interested in her. Let her see other women desire you. You put yourself in a position where she sees you arent a challenge, thats how you for friend zoned. Get a gf even if its temporary. Dont be so available to her, dont answer all the calls/texts. Chances are by the time she likes you, you would have moved on anyway and not want her anymore.
DustySaltus Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 The best way to get out of the impossible friendzone is show her youre not interested in her. Let her see other women desire you. You put yourself in a position where she sees you arent a challenge, thats how you for friend zoned. Get a gf even if its temporary. Dont be so available to her, dont answer all the calls/texts. Chances are by the time she likes you, you would have moved on anyway and not want her anymore. c'mon you don't like my idea? Let's mix it up a little.
sagetalk Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 If you're a girl, then there is no such thing don't worry about it. If you're a guy, you're screwed, it's over. How's that . You're only chance is to disappear and maybe she will forget she put you in the friends zone.
skydiveaddict Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 There is no way out of the deadly "friend zone"
MyNameIsJonas Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 If you're a girl, then there is no such thing don't worry about it. If you're a guy, you're screwed, it's over. How's that . Generally quoted for truth; 99% of guys do not care. The only exception is this small percentage of guys who actually do value female friendships at which point it becomes tricky, depending on how close he is to you. Again though, a very rare occurrence as most guys generally do not give two sh**s. If you are a guy, everyone and their uncle has their theory about how to get out of the "friendzone," but I am willing to bet that a good number of these theories have never been attempted, much less ever successfully gotten a guy out of the "ill-fated friendzone." My theory is that if you are in this "friendzone," and the possibility of one more friend in your life is just way too much to handle, then cut, run, and forget.
Art_Critic Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 There is no way out of the deadly "friend zone" Indeed... The only thing you can do is end your suffering by coming clean and telling her you want to date her.. but be ready to lose a friend.
bananaboat11 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I had a girl fake the friend zone thing just to get my close ... so she could sleep with me. She told me this after we had sex for the first time. That's rare. I got lucky. She's cute, too. And I needed it... talk about in the right place at the right time. Friend zone is REALLY hard to get out of unless she starts to feel the same way you do, but is afraid to break it. subconsciously... she will begin to drop OBVIOUS hints she's interested. You just need to pay attention. Otherwise... you're screwed.
norajane Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Flirt. Flirt. Flirt. Date other women. Flirt some more. You're in the friend zone because she does not see you as a sexual being. So show her that you are a MAN, not wallpaper. So flirt. Flirt. Flirt. Date other women. Flirt some more.
Author Nomad Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I should point out a couple of things: I am a guy (straight), and I have no one particular in mind (I actually have no close female friends). This question is purely hypothetical. I'd be interested in hearing stories of guys who actually were able to break out of the friend zone.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I am a girl and what would work on me is if a guy is showing me his attraction rather than telling me about it. You need to flirt, as in playfully touch her, do "in between" things like kiss her on the cheek, hold her hand for a bit etc. See how she responds. If she finds you physically appealing at all, her feelings will grow. Even going in for a kiss when you feel you have "a moment" is very good idea. Anything is better than having the akward conversation about your feelings for her. The bonus of touching and flirting is that if you feel that she is not responsive, you can back off and still keep a friend. The quickest way to an eternal friend zone is your passivity.
D-Jam Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I never understand why men and women keep asking to death how to be seen by someone in a way that the "someone" doesn't want to see them. Men who ask to get out of the friendzone. Women who wonder how they can take it from "just sex" into "full on relationship"...and even the few women who ask how they can get the guy to see her as more. In my experiences, the ONLY times I see a guy get out of the Friendzone is either when some girl who is hotter and "better" than the "friend" in every way comes along and wants the guy...so now the "friend" suddenly sees him in a new light. OR The "friend" ends up knocked up and/or in a state of low self-esteem and desperation...so she hooks up with the guy in the hopes that he'll be a sure thing. A guy who won't treat her badly...although it's hit or miss if the RL works out or not. For women, the ONLY times I see them get out of the friendzone is either when they show more affection to the guy and he sees she wants more (and he's open to it)...OR...he never saw her as attractive, but she suddenly changed herself into someone he finds attractive. In terms of the "sex only" thing, the only time I see women get out of that is when she gets accidentally pregnant and thus he goes all the way to try to make it work. Although most of the time he'll be pushing for an abortion and a stop to all of the sex and everything. I think it's cool some replies are here giving some small amount of hope to many that they can get out of the FZ...but in my book you're put there for a reason. This person thinks you're cool in some way, but doesn't fathom you as the kind of person they would date. REGARDLESS if this person dates good or bad people, you're not what he/she wants. So rather than desperately try to get out of the FZ, why accept it to begin with? Or why not then just move on and chase other people? Why fight or work to get someone to like you? NO ONE is worth that much effort. Not when others might like you right off the bat for who you are.
D-Jam Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Screw that. Find someone who doesn't make that distinction to begin with. Someone who sees you as "dating material" RIGHT OFF THE BAT. If men in this country want to grow out of being overparented wimps and be the men women want...then they need to stop worrying about the gray area and treat the world in a little more black and white manner. Be a man. Be masculine. Be a leader and an alpha. If she's going to play the FZ game or "friends first" or whatever "if"/"maybe" thing, then walk away and show her you will not be her backup plan. You think the guys she would date instantly would allow her to FZ them? Seriously...if a girl meets a bad boy or douchebag or whoever...and she tries to FZ him, do you think he would stick around? Would he try to pretend to be her pal hoping she'll come around? He'd either way for a drunk/vulnerable moment to pounce on her, or he'll be chasing her friends, or he'll suddenly vanish and stop talking to her. I'm not advocating you men become jerks, but for gosh sakes...a woman who is "dating material" for you has to INCLUDE the qualification that she would not FZ you initially...but would DATE YOU INITIALLY.
bberryguy Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I am a guy and the woman I am currently with was originally my friend... for ten years. Granted we weren't that close - which helped - but I've actually broken out of the friend zone with her a couple times.
lordWilhelm Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Someone before asked what the degree of friendship is -- is it "shopping buddies" or just acquaintances? If it's the latter then you should just show her you're interested romantically. That's best done by actions. I had a friend who fell romatically for the girl that he was spending 50% of the time with at work and when he "expressed" his feelings that didn't go over too well. If you're in the "shopping buddy" category you don't have a chance. The only thing that you could do is to disappear and make an entrance a long time after. When you re-acquaint each other you may have another pass at getting her interested romantically. Or just go find another girl.
Ilovehim Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 YOU CAN'T! and if you do its because THE PERSON YOU LIKE starts to like you or notice you in a different way. you cant make someone else like you. it either happens or it doesnt. all you can do is be yourself..of course if you're the obsessed-need-to-call-you-every-second kind of person then i suggest you hold back on that. all that can do is help you in not pushing that person away but it's not guaranteed to make them like you.
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