4givrnt4gtr Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 So, Ive posted about my friend whom Ive had I guess a sort of FWB situation (which I didn’t want to get into to begin with but Ive accepted that’s what it became). In any case, last Saturday we were together, no sex, just went to a party, made out, he spent the nite with me. When he left on Sunday, he seemed fine, right before he left he climbed on top of me, basically inhale my neck, gave a little grunt and said he had to go. Nothing seemed amiss.. Yet, I have yet to hear from him since then. Now, this is a huge change from us talking every day for the past 3 months. As Ive posted before, we’ve been friends for years, and just recently all this making out etc has been happening. Since I didn’t want the whole FWB I was thinking on telling him we needed some space but I never expect him to do so without saying something. What could have possibly have happened that he would disappear without a word? Also, should i try to ask him given that I think we need space anyway or just let it go?
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 So, Ive posted about my friend whom Ive had I guess a sort of FWB situation (which I didn’t want to get into to begin with but Ive accepted that’s what it became). In any case, last Saturday we were together, no sex, just went to a party, made out, he spent the nite with me. When he left on Sunday, he seemed fine, right before he left he climbed on top of me, basically inhale my neck, gave a little grunt and said he had to go. Nothing seemed amiss.. Yet, I have yet to hear from him since then. Now, this is a huge change from us talking every day for the past 3 months. As Ive posted before, we’ve been friends for years, and just recently all this making out etc has been happening. Since I didn’t want the whole FWB I was thinking on telling him we needed some space but I never expect him to do so without saying something. What could have possibly have happened that he would disappear without a word? Also, should i try to ask him given that I think we need space anyway or just let it go? How many threads have you posted about this guy? It is obvious that you have feelings for him, at least admit it to yourself, that's the first step... Unforrtunetely, FWB dynamic is almost impossible to change. His actions are just consistent with your FWB status..
boogieboy Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Youve led him on this long, THATS why he disappeared on you. In his mind, this is what you deserve. No explanation. He didnt get what he wants, so you dont get what you want. And he beat you to the punch on your space issue. Hopefully he will stay away from you now so you both can move on.
2sunny Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 he probably started seeing someone and is more interested in spending his time/energy with the new gal.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 How many threads have you posted about this guy? It is obvious that you have feelings for him, at least admit it to yourself, that's the first step... Unforrtunetely, FWB dynamic is almost impossible to change. His actions are just consistent with your FWB status.. Yeah Im REALLY confused about this....he's been my best guy friend for 5 years before all this happened. I never actually thought we would go down this road, much less I would loss him over this but i guess i have no choice. I wish i liked him though....everything would be that much easier... I guess partly my ego is hurt he decided to cut me off, partly, Im glad because I dont think i could have let him go and clearly, I needed to. Im also very curious as to why he made that choice...and from what im getting here, just part of the FWB dynamics I suppose. I also thought about that 2sunny said...he might have started talking to his ex again and so he dropped me...but wow...really? at least tell me! I would have! Ah well....thanks for your input people,
2sunny Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 well most men don't like telling you something if they think it might hurt your feelings.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 well most men don't like telling you something if they think it might hurt your feelings. Well see I dont understand that though cuz its not like we dont talk about our exes constantly. Actually Saturday he told me that she had called him and they met, then he texted her right there in front of me. I mean he knows Im not attached to him like that so I dont know why would he just fall off the face of the planet like that.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Boogieboy, When a man is truly into a woman, he will express his interest VERY clearly. I really do not see where this guy has expressed his interest in having a relationship with the OP. Apart from physical stuff and few flirty comments, he has kept their friendship dynamic the same. 4givrnt4gtr, I would openly ask him how does he see your realtionship. Tell him what you say here, that you are confused and do not know what you want and would like to know how he feels. You really have nothing to lose by being open.
2sunny Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Well see I dont understand that though cuz its not like we dont talk about our exes constantly. Actually Saturday he told me that she had called him and they met, then he texted her right there in front of me. I mean he knows Im not attached to him like that so I dont know why would he just fall off the face of the planet like that. that may have been his way of allowing you to understand that he was back in contact with her and that he had an interest in her again. this is the mans way of telling you... especially if he didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 that may have been his way of allowing you to understand that he was back in contact with her and that he had an interest in her again. this is the mans way of telling you... especially if he didn't want to hurt your feelings. Oh I knew he still love her actually more so than he did as he kept insisting that he was over her. See, we were much more friends than anything else. We would spent hours, til like 3am talking about our exes, how much we miss them etc. It was no secret that I am still in love with my ex and he was, regardless of many a claim, still in love with his. Actually, that same night he spent the night with me anyway, and as I said he was fine....yet, all of a sudden, gone. Im sure he'll come back around at some point, but its really odd to me he would pull that off, especially because he has always been so insistent that we will always be friends no matter what (whether I like it or not lol).
skydiveaddict Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I avoid the FWB thing like the plague. When you are intimate w/someone I think emotions come into play that you cant control
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 I avoid the FWB thing like the plague. When you are intimate w/someone I think emotions come into play that you cant control Totally agree, I was attempting to avoid as much as I could, and actually refused to accept that thats what was going on til I think someone here sorta forced me to accept reality. In a way Im glad he's doing what he is doing cuz it allows me to basically put a definite stop to all the madness....but man curiosity killed the cat.
D-Jam Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 What could have possibly have happened that he would disappear without a word? Quite simple...he's found someone or something else that he deems as more important to his time. You have been degraded into a warm body when he needs it...so he's got a girl to take to the party with him and bang later. Worse he could take you to the party and then ditch you to chase other women, claiming you're just a friend. You need to stop thinking FWB and "girl he's banging" are two different things...because your concerns are the same ones I've heard out of a lot of women who get into these scenarios. Also, should i try to ask him given that I think we need space anyway or just let it go? I'd tell you to let it go, but you also need to really think and decide where you want things to stand and stick to it. Get it out of your mind the idea of him as your boyfriend. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. Your situation is the female version of the friendzone. He's got all he wants out of a woman for free, so he doesn't have to date you or even respect you to get laid from you. So do you want to be is hookup? Or his friend? Pick one. You can't have both. Either cut off the sex 100% and see other guys and only be his friend, or keep banging him but don't expect anything more. Most of the problem with too many women is they're out banging that small percentile (the 80/20 thing) and believing they got all they need out of men for now, or think they can now take their time to find Mr Right. Unfortunately, they want Mr Right to be a member of that 20%, when the RL-minded ones are taken and the rest simply want sex only (and can get it). So women bang these guys in the hopes one will want more, but they never do. Eventually women wake up (hopefully not knocked up) and marry a member of the 80%.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 You have been degraded into a warm body when he needs it...so he's got a girl to take to the party with him and bang later. Worse he could take you to the party and then ditch you to chase other women, claiming you're just a friend.. ekkk total shudder here...though thats basically what he was for me, which i see how not nice that would make anyone feel. You need to stop thinking FWB and "girl he's banging" are two different things... Well frankly the way I wanted to see it was "opps, drunken/lonely hook up, will never happen again" Unfortunately it kept happening, and someone here hit me upside the head with us having a FWB relationship, which i didnt care to get into anyway. I'd tell you to let it go, but you also need to really think and decide where you want things to stand and stick to it. Get it out of your mind the idea of him as your boyfriend. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. Oh god no! i dont want to date him! Actually, I had been thinking on phasing out slowly, or talking to him about how we just cant be friend. I have told him how I am in no possition to be in a relationship, FWB or other types and though I know we've both tried, we just keep falling back into this mess. So honestly, I dont think we can even be friends at this point, but I would like some closure, at least know why he went from texting calling and wanting to see me every day for the past three months to nothing....weird. Your situation is the female version of the friendzone. He's got all he wants out of a woman for free, so he doesn't have to date you or even respect you to get laid from you. I think i was quite ok with this..actually it was more like, as bad as it sounds, i got what i wanted from him, and he never asked for anything in return, to the point where he told me he didnt mind being used ( Definitely not ok with that statement at all, my first clue to end all this for good) So do you want to be is hookup? Or his friend? neither, which is why I am debating whether to text him and ask him if he is alright, or just let it die like this...
2sunny Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 to reach out now will look pathetic for him... he will se it that way. if you ever see him again - test whether you are truly just friends - don't sleep with him and no sex... "just friends" don't sleep together. this will tell you if he intends to be your friend or if he just plays along for the comfort of any warm body... especially one he can have sex with.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 16, 2010 Author Posted January 16, 2010 Ok so I decided not to contact him, let sleeping dogs lie and move on with my life. Well, just as I decided that he texted me wishing me a early happy birthday and telling me he was going to a retreat this weekend so he couldnt call me on my actual birthday... Whatever, I said thanks but thats as far as Ill go. Im letting this one go for good.
Recommended Posts