hibiscus21 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Me and my boyfriend have been dating for close to 8 months. We have talked a little about each others sexual history before, but not much. The other day, he told me some more about his and it made me slightly uncomfortable. He told me he has slept with about 10 girls, some one night stands, some relationships. He told me he has had f*** buddies, that a couple girls have cheated on their boyfriends with him, he's had a threesome. He told me that one of his f*** buddies was just a desperate thing cause he wanted sex really bad. I have done things In my past, sexually that I'm not proud of, but it's nothing compared to his. A lot of things went through my head, like I'm not as experienced as he is, that he is comparing me to these other girls, that being with me isn't as special to him. I also wonder if he misses having sex with any of these girls. Another thing that gets to me is, he still talks to them. He'll text them, or talk to them over FB. I don't understand why he would want to or need to talk to them. He also has had tons of roommates over the years, a lot of them being girls, I'm starting to wonder if he slept with any of them. I've wanted to ask him but I'm not sure any good would come out of it. The topic of him being a gentleman came up and he told me he was a gentleman to me in the beginning of our relationship so he could get in my pants. This really made me feel so used, like I was tricked almost. We slept together about a month into our relationship, I feel so ashamed of my self for sleeping with him so quickly. I know that there isn't anything I can do about it now. I didn't tell him this though. He told me he didn't see why it had to change anything because we've both made love, exchanged I love you's, spend time with each other. I understand what he's saying, but it doesn't change the way I feel. It feels like I see him in a different way now. Does anyone have any similar experiences? Any advice? Do i just need to let all of this go?
Rylle Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Worrying about things like if he misses having sex with those other women, or if he's comparing you to them are things you just need to let go. Does he still act like a gentleman?
TaraMaiden Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I'm not going to go into details, because frankly, it's nobody's business, but my partner had a colourful and varied sex history, before he met me. And that's exactly what it is. History. The only thing you need concern yourself with, is his sexual desire now he's with you, and you alone. That's all you need to know or focus on. Concentrate on having the best sex life possible with him. Find out what he really loves, tell him what you really love, then (as long as it's mutually acceptable) - enjoy yourselves. Better this, than....oooh, say..... a BF who insists on making love in one position only, with the lights off and doesn't kiss you. Or calls you by someone else's name. (been there, had that....!)
wheream_i Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Ten sexual partners is nothing to cry about. And if you consider him a good lover well then you can blame that on his experience.
TaraMaiden Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 You won't believe me, but the third paragraph of your post, didn't show up on my screen... hence, I didn't get to read the part about how devious he was about getting into your pants. if this puts a whole different slant on things for you, I can completely see why. he's taken an axe to your trust, and really, that's a disgraceful way to behave.... I'm sorry but I now see why you're upset by this. That and him texting his exes. Really, the bottom line is this: Does it affect your relationship enough for you to question whether you can stay with him in the long run? Do you see marriage on the cards, or a long-lasting happy episode with him? If not - why hesitate? I'd bail now......
Author hibiscus21 Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 Worrying about things like if he misses having sex with those other women, or if he's comparing you to them are things you just need to let go. Does he still act like a gentleman? Sometimes, he likes rough house a lot and joke around a lot. He isn't as gentlemanly as I like guys to be. For example the other day we were hiking and I fell, he looked at me and laughed and then came over to help me up. He will occasionally hold doors open for me, etc... Idk, maybe I'm just being picky.
Rylle Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Sometimes, he likes rough house a lot and joke around a lot. He isn't as gentlemanly as I like guys to be. For example the other day we were hiking and I fell, he looked at me and laughed and then came over to help me up. He will occasionally hold doors open for me, etc... Idk, maybe I'm just being picky. Well we all have our preferences, and it sounds like he wasn't managing your expectations very well if he acted like a gentleman initially and now he behaves differently now that he has you. Just as a P.S. I dated a guy once for a few years: never once during that time did I ever get too drunk; after years I drank too much and ended up puking in the toilet. Instead of helping me, holding my hair or anything, or even just leaving me alone, he laughed and mocked me because my hair fell in the toilet and took pictures of me with my head in the toilet and showed it to all his friends. Even his friends were like what the hell is wrong with you. Why were you taking pictures instead of holding her hair back. Also, I would not stand for him eing in such constant contact with girls he used to ****.
alphamale Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Do i just need to let all of this go? you need to let it go...its all water under the bridge that you can do nothing about. focus on pleasing him sexually and in other ways
Ruby Slippers Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 The topic of him being a gentleman came up and he told me he was a gentleman to me in the beginning of our relationship so he could get in my pants. This really made me feel so used, like I was tricked almost. I would dump him for that alone. That and being The Other Man are the red flags here. On, and he laughed at you when you fell hiking? Yeah, sounds like a real keeper.
Pleco Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 (edited) Seriously, how old are you? 10 is nothing. When my boyfriend and I started dating, he'd been with almost 30 women (he was only 21) and I had been with two guys and a girl. Having different sexual histories means virtually nothing unless you WANT it to mean something. Oh, and having lots of casual sex and being a "gentleman" (although I'm not quite sure what you mean by that) are not mutually exclusive. Your boyfriend is a normal guy. Guys get horny, and when young and single will usually have lots of sex. As long as he's with you and only you now, I wouldn't worry about it at all. Even if he IS still talking occasionally to these women. Facebook is a good place to catch up casually with people you haven't seen in ages. I am friends with my past lovers and so is my boyfriend. And yes, we do occasionally chat with them or message them. No big thing. 10 is nothing to brag about. Just sayin' EDIT to add: Were you hurt when you fell hiking? If you weren't hurt, I'd probably laugh at you too. Then help you up. People in general (especially on here) are SO d*mn critical of everyone. If a man doesn't worship the ground a woman walks on, she is told to dump him promptly. Always gives me a laugh =) Edited January 14, 2010 by Pleco
Author hibiscus21 Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 I would dump him for that alone. That and being The Other Man are the red flags here. On, and he laughed at you when you fell hiking? Yeah, sounds like a real keeper. Can you elaborate on him being the other man is a red flag? I am 22 by the way to whoever was asking.
amymarieca Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I don't see anything he is doing as a red flag. Just because he has some sexual history doesn't mean he isn't capable of being in a relationship. 10 partners is nothing. The number of sexual partners my current guy has had is shockingly high (above 50), but it does not bother me one bit. I'd rather have a guy who has had some sexual experience. I can't be bothered to give instructions to people in bed. Don't you think you are being very insecure in all of this? The worries you have in your mind can't really be justified.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Any advice? Do i just need to let all of this go? Yes, you were foolish to agree to this discussion or to bring it up. In this day and age, sex partners owe one another no more than a clean bill of health or full disclosure of their poker hand of current STDs (prior to sexual contact). If you agreed to go beyond that, then you probably brought your current feelings upon yourself.
dazzle22 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 This guy has a lot of signs of being a "player" in my opinion. Admitting he was only a gentleman to get into your pants, still texting his little fu...k buddies. That would really PMO! I think you need to guard your heart here. You also need to know anytime you ask a question like this, people with high numbers, lots of experience, and many notches on their belts will tell you it is nothing, get over it. You don't need to get over it if you don't want to. If you can't get over it, you might want to pick guys with lower numbers....Apparently there are plenty on this board, they post quite a bit. Haha! Because they can't erase their numbers...there is no "bye gones" like on Ally McBeal.. I have some difficulty with my husband's numbers and his wild past. But it will never change, and I will never get over parts of it. And that is just that. (Now don't someone get their shorts in a knot and flame me. I joke around a lot..)
Author hibiscus21 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 I guess my only choice is to get over it and move on. I know that I could break up with him. But I really love him, and looking at the whole situation, it seems somewhat petty to break up over this.
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