redant Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I've been with him for about a year. Living together 4 months about. We get along good most of the time. Lately we'd have conflicts over his immaturity I don't want to go into detail it seems minor but I feel it is disrespectful. Also money is tight. He pays his part but not more he's not working but has income. It's just that I wonder y doesn't he work and help more? Also we are in our late thirties and It doesn't seem his mindset is that of a provider. So basically I'm losing respect although he has awesome qualities too I don't know. If he wants marriage or family. I get disappointed when I see so many couples with lots of kids and also married! Any insight is appreciated! Should I talk to him about all this? If so how?
Author redant Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 He's by no means lazy and he contributes alot just not so much monetarily now
sagetalk Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 What are the things you like about him (actions he does in particular):
Author redant Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 He cooks for me is thoughtful affectinate and cares loves me
sagetalk Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 He cooks for me is thoughtful affectinate and cares loves me That doesn't really help much. Specifics help more. What attracted you to him in the first place if he didn't have a job? Traits such as a hard work ethic are something that people get early in life, if he's in his late 30's, I seriously doubt he's going to change now. These are things you look for when choosing a man, not after you have chosen a man. Trying to change someone is a difficult road.
Author redant Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 He's cultured alternative radical he works hard but he made alot in the past and is taking it easy now but has alot of assets. Things could change but he doesn't seem concerned about being a provider and I want a family.
temple Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 You're both mature adults and you need to sit him down and talk to him about this. It doesn't have to be an argument, but you do need to speak to him about how you feel. If you bottle all this up you will just end up resenting him in the future. Talk to him!
Rylle Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 You've been with him how long and you're not sure if he wants a family?
Author redant Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 He does but he's not in a rush. He wants more time with me.
New Again Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 You've been with him how long and you're not sure if he wants a family? He does but he's not in a rush. He wants more time with me. Does he understand how women's bodies work? Does he understand the health risks involved for you and the baby the older you get? Are you sure he's not just stringing you along? I would think that someone who wanted a family would be working and saving to make that happen. Are you sure you're not just dating him because you invested time and you want children? I really don't think a year is long enough to date someone and be making decisions about marriage and children. I understand that this is something you want, but you should be thinking about the quality of life of your possible future child(ren) and how they will be raised and by whom. I think you should examine yourself and your own motives; then you should consider having another talk with your boyfriend about your future goals and so on. Then make your decision.
Author redant Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 Im not sure. "I would think that someone who wanted a family would be working and saving to make that happen." <-- that is why I am doubting so much. He takes it easy as it comes. I understand I need to think about my children's quality of life and I do. On one hand I think that no one nothing is perfect how long is long enough to know? I've lost some respect for him and if I don't have respect for him then no he can't raise my children. I would probably respect him if he stepped up and made it clear that he wants a family and took action to be a provider which in my mind is a man.
New Again Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Im not sure. "I would think that someone who wanted a family would be working and saving to make that happen." <-- that is why I am doubting so much. He takes it easy as it comes. I understand I need to think about my children's quality of life and I do. On one hand I think that no one nothing is perfect how long is long enough to know? I've lost some respect for him and if I don't have respect for him then no he can't raise my children. I would probably respect him if he stepped up and made it clear that he wants a family and took action to be a provider which in my mind is a man. Wishing and hoping isn't going to get you very far with him changing If you don't want the same things, it's time to jump ship.
Author redant Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 Yea its true. But they can't be pushed and they don't think the same so I jus don't know.
DustySaltus Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Money, security and other contributions to the household are all things that can be worked out if you want to. You just have to be willing to make it work. Children & Marriage, those are fundamental needs that are clearly black & white. You want these things, he doesn't. That's a hard thing to work out. So it all comes down to having a talk with him that will wind up looking like an ultimatum (which it is) because he's a man. You just have to pour yourself out to him one last time and let him know what you really want, if you STILL want it with him. You have to communicate. It's a tough situation but I wish you the best.
Author redant Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 ok thanks I plan on talking to him.
Recommended Posts