1life8love1trust Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 It always hurts to never know exactly why. So I have noticed that we all share something in common. We all got dumped. No contact is good because you don't have to hear them or see them to cause even more pain to you. But for me its eating me up inside not really understanding fully what went wrong. Everybody else I am pretty sure feels the same. That's why break NC because we are curious about how they are doing. I was left for another guy and so I know whats going on. I know after some time things will get better, the problem I am having now is the "NOW" I am a couple of clicks away from completely breaking down, and I know that this is not as worst as some of the other break ups here. I mean we were not married or had kids. Just a 3 year relationship that I though was filled with love. The only thing keeping my sane is the fact that I want to show her that she left the best thing for her. Heck all these activities I am doing, gym, friends, writing songs, and reading are all but a quick fix drug. After I finish, or get off the"high" of the moment I am back down to feeling like crap. I want to know why? Why did you leave me for someone how is obliviously the complete opposite of me. Why do people want to see if the grass is greener on the other side? Lol I know the answer, but I want to hear it from her. From people who left and came crawling back.....aueoisfjclksd;lcds!!!!!
duece22022 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Trust me. Use NC. If you contact her you will look weak and you might not want to here the answer she will give you. It can lead to more depression. I know this sounds bad but you have to give it time. you will have good days and some bad days. Try to fight through them. If you contact her you will go back down to ground zero. I believe she still misses you and she will compare her other b/f to you. Don't give her the satisfaction that you are still thinking about her. let her find out the hard way that you are a good guy and she shouldn't of let you go. and if she doesn't, o well, life goes on... give it time.
Caleb Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Dude when you find out the answer, let me know. Unless this new guy is golden, she will quickly find that every relationship hows its lows. My g/f just broke up with me b/c she says she doesn't love me anymore and that she feels as if we've dated for so long, 4 years, that she hasn't got to experience what else is out there. So she isn't with anyone, yet.
fresh-one Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Dont ever contact her, trust me if you dont she will contact you and by the time she does you'll be a completely different thinking person
HLP234 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I know what you mean by doing activities to get your mind off and then it comes back. That is always what happens to me. Even after going out and partying, I feel the same the next day. My ex left me without any "its over" or saying anything to me. She is with someone else now and as much as I want her to realize what she did was messed up..you have to also take into consideration that they may never realize it and like someone else said, we must go on.
thepulse27 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I understand you for wanting answers. I did the same. It hurts more than anything I could have imagined, but I still think I needed to hear it. Because otherwise you wonder. You swing from torturing yourself with thoughts about the absolute worst, to crazy dreams that she's out there pining for you to come back to her. If you really need them then NC can begin once you get your answers. But do not make the mistake I made. You want answers, you want to know why it happened, what she was thinking and maybe even how quickly she's moved on. But please don't get emotional and demand details. Because they will drive you insane. That's the danger with that last bit of contact, you aren't in a position to handle it and the second you let emotions get the better of you your going to be right back to the lowest point. the longer this goes on the more I wish I had just heeded the advice of the wise ones on here and cut her off straight away. I thought I would handle it better, I wasn't thinking straight.
HLP234 Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I was out with my friend last night, and he also misses his ex. One thing we were talking about was why do we sit and think so much about what our ex's are doing, if they left us. We should not care because they are only one person out of many others that will treat you good. So with this, I will not break NC..I doubt that she will ever contact me. I don't think she has the courage to even speak anything to me after what she did..if I did the same, I wouldn't either because I know it would just hurt the other person more.
gaudi Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Yeah I thought I was doing better myself over the past few weeks. Spending time doing stuff, going out with friends, trying to get started on things that I should have done a long time ago. But this week's been one of the worst of the lot. I've been crying in the car every day on the way home from work. Usually because I've somehow managed to keep it in all day in work. Something tells me I need some sort of closure or contact for me to start getting over all this properly. Because it seems like the further away i get from when we initially split up, then the worse I get. I would love to speak to her, find out what she's doing, been up to, how's she been coping........ HOWEVER !!! What do I expect to find ?? Am I going to get in touch with her and she's going to say "Oh Gaudi, (I'm not really called Gaudi) I forgot all about you, where have you been, what have you been doing, we really should get back together and start a relationship with each other again, it will be so much fun"...somehow, I don't think so. Today = D.Day+33 for me on the old NC. I ain't gonna go breaking that on a whim. Stay strong people, if not for yourselves then for each other......much love.............Gaudi (did i mention my name's not really Gaudi)
adamt Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 you will never find the answers, all you can do is let go and start to accept the situation. It is hard to comprehend that someone you invested and for the most part they invested in the relationship can just walk away. the most likely situation was the ex was detaching emotionally and not wanting to talk about the issues they had. so you were unaware. deont blame yourself the other person decided to walk away without putting any effort in
HLP234 Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 33 days is great. I am almost at that point I think, if not, because I have not counted, probably past that. If we were ever to talk it would not be friendly, most likely one of us would try and make the other one feel like ****. Just would not be the same. Feels like I would need to completely wipe all memories and even her from my brain. Its been tough, those stupid days that make you break down are horrible..which is why I go out a lot at night now. Not really a good choice when you have classes in the morning and the next day you have to listen to parents complain because going out every night is not right. But I find it helps, and if it helps me get over her and forget her, I find nothing wrong with it.
gaudi Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 33 days is great. I am almost at that point I think, if not, because I have not counted, probably past that. If we were ever to talk it would not be friendly, most likely one of us would try and make the other one feel like ****. Just would not be the same. Feels like I would need to completely wipe all memories and even her from my brain. Its been tough, those stupid days that make you break down are horrible..which is why I go out a lot at night now. Not really a good choice when you have classes in the morning and the next day you have to listen to parents complain because going out every night is not right. But I find it helps, and if it helps me get over her and forget her, I find nothing wrong with it. You have to do whatever it takes. I'm doing a bit of casual dating, nothing serious, just going out, having a laugh and stuff. I have to say if I had any studies that I could concentrate on, I would be absolutely immersing myself in them. Every ounce of energy I had would be going into schooling or studies right now. But as we say, whatever it takes.
HLP234 Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Yeh I know what you mean. It is my last semester and all my major classes are done so what I have left I'm just finishing up now. So I don't really have anything to immerse myself in. During the time that she left me, I was able to complete my senior projects all while going through the stage of depression and grief. No matter how much it hurt, I pulled through and did an awesome job. As of now I have run out of things to do. Only reason I go out so much is so I can hopefully meet some new people. Hasn't really working the way I planned but I will keep trying.
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