Trusting_again Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 The feeling that something is not quite right in your relationship? Not that you have any huge red flags waving, but the person tells you they love you everyday, they communicate daily, they seem to do all the right things, but there is still something unsettling in your gut? I have never had this feeling in love...ever. There were a few times in our one year relationship where trust was damaged. Not by cheating, but not being up front with me about some things that involved other women. But that is in the past and we have moved on. I do not think he is cheating on me. But I get this very odd feeling there is something strange with him. I am hard pressed to explain this. I have noticed some things in his personality that have not set right with me, but I blew it off since everyone is different. Some of these things are that he exaggerates or down-plays or completely twists stories; there is no just telling it like it is. He often says inappropriate things in mixed company, and he has some anger issues. The anger is from frustration and doesn't happen all the time, but still it is very intense when he is set off. I wish I knew what was going on because over-all he is a good person and warm-hearted. It's just these other issues are making me skid my heels.
DiscoChick Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Yeh...I kept thinking something was weird/wrong with my ex. Turned out he had ADHD and manic depression. He was smart enough to wait a year into our relationship to tell me about the ADHD part (completely shocked I didn't notice right off). So, ask him if he has any hidden mental problems. I mean, get him to open up. Ask him why he's angry. Why he does whatever else it was you said. . . If it's bothering you, please talk to him about it before it ruins what appears to be a good relationship.
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 yeah...and my relationship ended shortly there after
DiscoChick Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 yeah...and my relationship ended shortly there after Why?
sumdude Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Yes, I ignored it and things later went very south. Now I've learned to trust my gut.
Author Trusting_again Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Yeh...I kept thinking something was weird/wrong with my ex. Turned out he had ADHD and manic depression. He was smart enough to wait a year into our relationship to tell me about the ADHD part (completely shocked I didn't notice right off). So, ask him if he has any hidden mental problems. I mean, get him to open up. Ask him why he's angry. Why he does whatever else it was you said. . . If it's bothering you, please talk to him about it before it ruins what appears to be a good relationship. He is Adhd. He takes meds. But, there seems to be something more to this. I do realize these can be symptoms of adhd, but this seems extreme. Maybe the meds are not treating the real problem...I do know that adhd can be part of other mental disorders. Bi-polar crossed my mind.
Author Trusting_again Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 yeah...and my relationship ended shortly there after I understand what you mean, but this seems more to me like a clinical problem, not just symptoms of someone changing their mind about the relationship....then again I could be wrong!!
DiscoChick Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 He is Adhd. He takes meds. But, there seems to be something more to this. I do realize these can be symptoms of adhd, but this seems extreme. Maybe the meds are not treating the real problem...I do know that adhd can be part of other mental disorders. Bi-polar crossed my mind. I know. I have a degree in Speech and Language Pathology. One thing we focused on is practicing in public schools. There are a lot of children in public schools with ADD, ADHD, AS, and autism.These are the kids that usually get labeled bad. Any type of behavioral disorder comes along with mental disorders because of cognitive problems. Believe me, I was fortunate enough to not live with my ex. When he had a tantrum, he had a tantrum. I'd visit his house after one day, and the next the wardrobe would be completely destroyed...all because he got angry.
Author Trusting_again Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 I know. I have a degree in Speech and Language Pathology. One thing we focused on is practicing in public schools. There are a lot of children in public schools with ADD, ADHD, AS, and autism.These are the kids that usually get labeled bad. Any type of behavioral disorder comes along with mental disorders because of cognitive problems. Believe me, I was fortunate enough to not live with my ex. When he had a tantrum, he had a tantrum. I'd visit his house after one day, and the next the wardrobe would be completely destroyed...all because he got angry. Yeah, if anything is tedious he can't walk away and cool off, he gets so angry he starts sweating, cussing, and screws up whatever he is doing even more. I just walk away, there is no getting through to him. It is very short-lived and he is back to normal and I am still on pins and needles. I have ADD, and I become frustrated too, but I walk away until I get me bearings and then go back to whatever it is and that seems to work for me...basically I don't let the frustration control me, and I have talked to him about this, but he lets it send him over the edge every time!
DiscoChick Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Yeah, if anything is tedious he can't walk away and cool off, he gets so angry he starts sweating, cussing, and screws up whatever he is doing even more. I just walk away, there is no getting through to him. It is very short-lived and he is back to normal and I am still on pins and needles. I have ADD, and I become frustrated too, but I walk away until I get me bearings and then go back to whatever it is and that seems to work for me...basically I don't let the frustration control me, and I have talked to him about this, but he lets it send him over the edge every time! I think it would be very beneficial to you to help him. Teach him the technique you use or figure out one that would be comfortable and suitable for him. Even if it's just you guys going out and throwing rocks in a lake/river. Do it. You're very supportive of him and that's what he needs. Continue to be there for him, but also sit him down when he's calm and tell him this is what he does he needs to work on it. The next time he gets angry, try and pull him aside and talk to him. Really, just find a way to help him calm down. I extend my hand to any women courageous enough to deal with guys with ADHD whose medication isn't as..."active" as it should be.
Author Trusting_again Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 I think it would be very beneficial to you to help him. Teach him the technique you use or figure out one that would be comfortable and suitable for him. Even if it's just you guys going out and throwing rocks in a lake/river. Do it. You're very supportive of him and that's what he needs. Continue to be there for him, but also sit him down when he's calm and tell him this is what he does he needs to work on it. The next time he gets angry, try and pull him aside and talk to him. Really, just find a way to help him calm down. I extend my hand to any women courageous enough to deal with guys with ADHD whose medication isn't as..."active" as it should be. Yeah, I have been very patient with him, and maybe if I can get through to control the ADHD outbursts, maybe it will help the other things that seem strange. We will see. Thank you DC!
DiscoChick Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Yeah, I have been very patient with him, and maybe if I can get through to control the ADHD outbursts, maybe it will help the other things that seem strange. We will see. Thank you DC! Good luck!
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Why? why did it end? no idea...ask her. things were wierd for about 4 weeks...one night I came home, she was sitting at my kitchen table. we started talking...next thing I know she said she didn't want to date anymore and I havnt heard from her since. yeah,,,,,F my life
DiscoChick Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 why did it end? no idea...ask her. things were wierd for about 4 weeks...one night I came home, she was sitting at my kitchen table. we started talking...next thing I know she said she didn't want to date anymore and I havnt heard from her since. yeah,,,,,F my life Well, you seem like a great guy (based solely on the posts I've seen by you). I hope you...feel better. Life is beautiful and it seems to deteriorate along the edges when we suffer, but suffering is a natural part of things. We have to learn to bear hurts and keep going. So, good luck to you.
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Well, you seem like a great guy (based solely on the posts I've seen by you). I hope you...feel better. Life is beautiful and it seems to deteriorate along the edges when we suffer, but suffering is a natural part of things. We have to learn to bear hurts and keep going. So, good luck to you. thanks sweety! i have had my share of hurt in heartache in relationships, but here I am going after it again. some people never learn i guess;) the saddest part, is I truly believed she was my soulmate and the person i would grow old with. it hurt so bad that she just never spoke to me again after 2 years, it was so immature. going back to the OP, I would be wary if things seem out of sort. I should of seen the signs..maybe there is something I could of done? i dont know. I still love this girl dearly (been 7 months) and think about her all the time. I would do anything to get her back, but have come to grips that its not happening. I still hurt from it pretty bad, and I think its affecting my dating still today. I have met some great girls the past month, but havent been attracted to any of them, except for MAYBE one, but even that, I wasnt sure. Thanks for your kind words. i'll be alright;)
Author Trusting_again Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 thanks sweety! i have had my share of hurt in heartache in relationships, but here I am going after it again. some people never learn i guess;) the saddest part, is I truly believed she was my soulmate and the person i would grow old with. it hurt so bad that she just never spoke to me again after 2 years, it was so immature. going back to the OP, I would be wary if things seem out of sort. I should of seen the signs..maybe there is something I could of done? i dont know. I still love this girl dearly (been 7 months) and think about her all the time. I would do anything to get her back, but have come to grips that its not happening. I still hurt from it pretty bad, and I think its affecting my dating still today. I have met some great girls the past month, but havent been attracted to any of them, except for MAYBE one, but even that, I wasnt sure. Thanks for your kind words. i'll be alright;) Steve, I am watching closely. I don't badger him, but i do ask questions and it usually winds up ok...but this is what I mean by odd. Even though all seems good in words, I still get an odd feeling. As for him breaking it off with me, I have prepared myself as much as I can. I feel these days you just never know someone no matter how much they pour their heart out to you. It is a crap shoot.
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