kalena9488 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Putting this scenario out there one more time because I really need some unbiased opinions. So, I met my BF 11 months ago tomorrow. When we met he said he was part owner in a business that had just opened in town. On our second date I asked him about being married and he said 5 times, well 4 actually and one common law. He’s only 40 y/o. He has 4 kids from these marriages. Two with one woman and one of two other women. They range in age from 19 to 7. None of them were living with him when we met nor are they now. He was in the process of getting a divorce and though his two middle kids lived with him he had sent them to their mother when he moved out of the last wife’s house because he really wasn’t sure where he was going. Okay so I really don’t have a problem with the kids at least they aren’t babies or toddlers. So, 3 months later I buy a house and he moves in with me. Throughout the summer all of our kids his 4 and 2 of my 3 are with us at some point. I even let his 19 y/o and her boyfriend move in for a few months. She had a baby and moved out 2 months later. But, in the meantime the place he is supposed to be part owner in closes their doors because they aren’t making any money. A guy who was supposedly partners also opened up the same sort of business the very next day and my bf said he was partners with him. Well, I didn’t know it at the time but that wasn’t true either. Then he went from making a certain amount of money a week to cut in half. Then when started to not be able to give me any money each week for his share of the expenses he told me how the guy was only paying him so much, supposed to be paying his child support (and he wasn’t) etc. etc. etc. Now the truth is he’s a really good guy otherwise. He’s home every day after work (yes still goes to work even though doesn’t get paid much), he cooks dinner every evening, isn’t out running with his buddies and leaving me home. He takes care of his kid when he gets the youngest on the weekend. (She’s the only one living in the state). But, it’s to the point where I’m not getting much if anything from him. I can pay for the house and bills on my own but honestly with having all the kids over the summer and me paying for pretty much every thing it has finally caught up to me and I’m starting to struggle. Now he says he’s trying to get into business for himself. Supposedly has a meeting with a home builder next Wednesday and maybe he’ll get some pretty good work out of it. But, I’m sure it takes money to start your own business or before you start making any. So, I guess my question is what is your opinion of what I’ve said. Should I run for the hills or give him the opportunity? Should I insist he get a part time job? I make plenty of money each month and don’t feel I should be the one to get a part time job. Though the other night when I was on the computer and he asked me what I was doing and I told him looking for a part time job. He didn’t say anything. Thanks for the help!
OnlyJake Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I checked your other thread, and it looks like you got a lot of good advice there. I agree with what everyone said, and am baffled as to why you haven't done anything about your situation and are asking the same question?
Author kalena9488 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 I'm in love with him as stupid as that may seem. Thanks for the response. I guess the truth is I know I just really hoped that this would have worked!
boogieboy Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 The advise from your other thread was good.
O'Malley Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 At some point, you'll realize that the awkwardness of breaking up and kicking him out is far preferable than staying in a situation where you're clearly being manipulated and lied to. State laws differ on how you can remove a live in partner from your residence, so you need to privately contact an attorney to discuss eviction. This isn't the legal way to do it, but you can rent a storage unit in his name for one month, place all his stuff in it (when he's not at your home), change your locks and let him know where all his stuff is. You would just have to gamble on the fact that he'll be scurrying to find his next victim rather than filing a complaint against you. Whatever you decide you're going to have to be firm and follow through in order to get him out of your life.
OnlyJake Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 "Here's where some laws of physics do apply to human relationships. Once an object is in motion, it tends to stay in motion unless confronted by equal or opposite force. Well, the same goes for people. Once they're in a relationship, being sexually intimate, shacking up, or having sent out the invitations, they're loathe to use their best judgment and withdraw from an obviously bad situation. There is denial and there are excuses and there are the promises and there are the hopes that it will all just miraculously get better or spontaneously work out." So what are you going to do about this obviously bad situation? You need to be the equal or opposite force here to change things.
Author kalena9488 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 "Here's where some laws of physics do apply to human relationships. Once an object is in motion, it tends to stay in motion unless confronted by equal or opposite force. Well, the same goes for people. Once they're in a relationship, being sexually intimate, shacking up, or having sent out the invitations, they're loathe to use their best judgment and withdraw from an obviously bad situation. There is denial and there are excuses and there are the promises and there are the hopes that it will all just miraculously get better or spontaneously work out." So what are you going to do about this obviously bad situation? You need to be the equal or opposite force here to change things. You hit the nail right on the head. Thanks for the incite.
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