JL0727 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I have been in a relationship on and off for 3 years. She made me the most happy person in the world our first year together. It was like something out of a fairy tale. No fights or arguements. No jealousy it was great. Then she dropped the bomb shell she wanted to see other people she wasnt sure i was what she wanted. So i took the chance and let her spread her wings. In this time, a year, she had 2 one night stands of which she told me about. I moved on to someone else after about 6 months of waiting as well. I look at my move on as a rebound. Just someone to help me get over her. At first i wasnt honest with her about this other person, I didnt want to take the chance of pushing her away more. Of course the truth always comes out and i told her everything. We moved on from that but we still werent right after that. We had intimacy issues and trust issues. We were doing good so i thought about 6 months into the relationship and we were at a friends party. She left her phone in the bathroom and i looked through it. I found Sext messages to her ex that lives in anther state that she visits without me frequently. I confronted her right away where she tooks offense and was highly mad at me for invading her privacy. But in the end apologized took the blame and text him never to contact her again. Again old issues arose and the trust was gone again. We have never got back to normal since then . About 2 months ago she told me another ex she had been with before me who is newly married contacted her to ask about her and her daughter. And that it went nowhere other than that. Well once again i gained access to her phone and found that she made plans to meet him for lunch one day. I confronted her once again. She said they never actually met and if they had she would have told me. She didnt want to tell me before hand because i would have just gotten mad and it was nothing. and she didnt want to deal with me being upset over nothing. Again she was furious with me and called it off because i invaded her privacy. WE have since tried to move forward again . She tells me that i should believe she wants to be with me or she wouldnt have stuck around this long. Which she has a point. BUt everytime i try to trust her she does something else untrustworthy. Is there a way to fix my trust so i dont drive her away.
Caleb Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Dude, this is her fault. Stop taking the blame. She is the one that needs to restore the trust, not you.
Angel1111 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I think her behavior is appalling. I'm not even sure why you're putting up with this stuff. You know, I can tell you a story but you probably won't like it. I was once in a similar relationship as you. I dated someone for a little over a year and, as with your gf, it was such a nice year. We were so compatible. But I was going through a divorce and my ex was giving me hell. Plus, I had a child and I was trying to deal with the guilt of splitting up our family, and dealing with being a single mom. Needless to say, I had a lot on my plate. I even got ulcers at one point. My new bf and I met 3 wks after my separation so that didn't help matters. And we saw one another a lot. But after awhile, it became too much because he had no outside interests other than me. One day I told him that I needed some time to myself - like 2 days a month just so that I could re-group. He took great offense to this and took it to mean that I didnt' love him anymore. Well, after he pouted about this for 3 wks, I had had enough and asked him if we should continue. We ended up breaking up. Three mos later, we tried to get back together. While we were apart, the time flew by for me because I was so immersed in dealing with life. For him, he had dated someone who later became a stalker. But the thing is, we never got that magic back that we had once had. I thought that time would do it but nothing ever did. I was totally heartbroken over this but he showed me a side to himself that I had no idea existed. In the end, I was totally disillusioned about him. I came to think of our relationship in phases - Phase 1 was perfect, Phase 2 was misery. I think that's what your gf is doing - she's showing you who she really is and you can't see it because Phase 1 of your relationship was so perfect and you keep looking for that. But you're now in Phase 2 and it's a different world. I don't think you're going to be able to trust her because she's not doing anything to make you feel that you can trust her. The text messages alone would've done it for me. You don't deserve to be treated this way.
Recommended Posts