lizzybear Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I really need some advice/motivation/anything! To give you a brief background, I fell in love with this lovely, charming, gorgeous guy (my first love etc) and we were together for about 2 years. A week after we split (we split largely because he had cheated on me about six months previously and I just couldn't get over it. Also, he was leaving the country for a year with his company and I simply couldn't trust him) I found out that he and my "best friend" (literally, we were like sisters) had kissed about a week before we broke up. They were good friends themselves. Well, I was very upset, heartbroken I should say. I tried to forgive my friend as she seemed so apologetic at first, but in the end she seemed to me to be making next to no effort to try and maintain the friendship (she said she was scared and didn't know how to deal with me--whereas I guess I wanted her to grovel) Coincedently she has also gone to the same city as my ex for this year, and they seem like the best of friends (facebook pictures and the like), though when I've spoken to him he tells me that he doesn't really like her very much as a person and thinks she's a bit of a b***** for what she did to me. I guess my reasoning for maintaining a friendship with him is he's made much more of an effort with me since the split than she has. I went over to the city in November and found out they'd bloody kissed again (they always tell me its just bloody kissing) and I was so upset with them both. AGAIN. I've ended up not talking to the "best friend" because I can't believe that in the end I obviously mean so little to her. I've met up with my ex about three times since the split which was back in July, and every time we end up sleeping together as I simply have not met anyone in the past 7 months I have come as close to getting on as well with. Despite everything, I positively glow when I'm with him, he makes me so happy. I realize this probably is a large contributing factor to why I can't seem to move on. I torture myself with what they may be getting up to over there, and I can't get him off my mind as I'm still in love with him, he's the last thing I think of when I go to bed and the first when I wake up. They're both coming back to the city I live in in September...how do I get over this before then!?!? Please, somebody give me some advice! Its so ridiculous because the person who I would normally turn to help me out in this situation is the one who's involved in the betrayal!
AAlike Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I've met up with my ex about three times since the split which was back in July, and every time we end up sleeping together as I simply have not met anyone in the past 7 months I have come as close to getting on as well with. Despite everything, I positively glow when I'm with him, he makes me so happy. ummm, you might wanna stop doing that. and it's kinda weird that you've excommunicated the former friend but continue to meet up with the ex-BF. It would seem to me that what you perceive as him "trying to maintain the friendship still" really just means that he's a better BS'er than she. The way I see it it's pretty obvious that while he may like you and enjoy your company he does not love you back enough to have an exclusive relationship. Plus, as you've stated, you are going to have a tough time regaining his trust (I would argue that this is impossible). so the only way to move on is to completely break communication with him. or you can continue in the clearly non-exclusive situation that you are in - that works fine for some people, but I think in your case it might impede any chance of you moving on with your life.
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