alphamale Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 He called me and left a vmail asking me to call him back; I also just got a pretty long email from him apologizing again, and also asking for a raincheck again - he wants to "make it up to me" by taking me to a really nice restaurant so we can finally be alone to hang out with each other, and "to thank me for being such a good sport about tonight." well if the 1st date went good you can give him another chance i suppose.....assuming his apology is sincere
and.then.some Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Sometimes people feel that having others around takes a little bit of the pressure off. If he's actively inviting you out to do things, I wouldn't imagine that he's trying to friend-zone you. While it's not wholly impossible, it just doesn't seem very typical of men in my experiences. If you're doing all the asking, and he's suggesting things with other people, maybe you've been friended. But if he's asking you, that wouldn't be my first assumption. Some men actually like to see how women socialize. If she charming, polite, a good conversationalist, who is she going to pay attention to? That sort of stuff.
and.then.some Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Ouch! I just saw the update. Yeah, that would put me off a bit. I won't attempt to guess his reasoning, but I agree with letting him know there's a compatibility issue.
Kizzyfur Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 If your "dates" aren't exclusively you and him, it's probably just a friend thing. Though he might be interested, he's not yet ready to move to the next level. He may be "feeling you out" first. Maybe just try enjoying hanging out with him and see what happens as time goes on.
Author OnlyJake Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 Just tell him it's clear you're not compatible, and that you wish him well. Don't waste anymore time than it takes to say that. You're right, that's probably about all I owe him. well if the 1st date went good you can give him another chance i suppose.....assuming his apology is sincere At first I was considering this also - I really like him, had a great time on both dates (just think it's BS to bring another girl), etc. My best friend's boyfriend (who introduced us) heard about the date and joined my best friend and me and our dogs on our walk this morning. He told me a little more about my date's relationship history and said that he thinks maybe this guy just isn't ready to really date or for a real relationship right now. He thinks that this guy does like me, and is interested, but that that he's still exhibiting protective behavior learned from his past couple relationships and it's not fair to me to have to deal with that while he gets his stuff figured out. All very good points, and I can see that as a plausible explanation. Sometimes people feel that having others around takes a little bit of the pressure off. If he's actively inviting you out to do things, I wouldn't imagine that he's trying to friend-zone you. While it's not wholly impossible, it just doesn't seem very typical of men in my experiences. If you're doing all the asking, and he's suggesting things with other people, maybe you've been friended. But if he's asking you, that wouldn't be my first assumption. Some men actually like to see how women socialize. If she charming, polite, a good conversationalist, who is she going to pay attention to? That sort of stuff. He was doing all the pursuing, so he definitely seemed interested. If your "dates" aren't exclusively you and him, it's probably just a friend thing. Though he might be interested, he's not yet ready to move to the next level. He may be "feeling you out" first. Maybe just try enjoying hanging out with him and see what happens as time goes on. This is the feeling I'm getting as well. I'll definitely see him around, but I'm not going to make the effort to go out of my way to see him anymore.
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Definitely. If he asks me what happened, should I be honest with him? I want to tell him exactly why, but I'm afraid that this would leave him room to ask for another chance (assuming he wants one). Of course ask him. Be honest and upfront. Tell him what you told us. Tell him you are interested in him and would love to give this chance and see where it goes, but you just aren't getting the same vibe from him. Tell him what you expect. He will shape up quick or not, depending on how he feels. if nothing else, you will know where you stand and not waste anymore time.
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