spinal163 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I met this girl 1 yr 1 month ago and been seeing each other for 4 months before getting together for 9 months, told me she wanted to be a lone by herself 3 days ago. When we started dating, she, being from a different country was still in a long distance relationship with a guy who is in a far from her, could only see each other 2 weeks of the yr and was also her first real relationship for 3 years. She hasnt technically broke up with him because she feels bad breaking up with him since they were in a LDR and doesnt have any valid points breaking up with him and that the guy was also really crazy in love with her. In the beginning i wasnt really sure if i should be with her but we were really affectionate towards each other so i gave it a chance after 4 months of questioning if i should be with her,i decided to play with fire and gave it a shot since we are both young (college students) and see how it would work out. After being together for 4 months, she totally lost contact with her bf (no text,no IMs, no phone) and we were happy being together. But during this winter break when we went back home and were on our own, the guy ended up contacting her and telling her that he misses her a lot and cant stand not being in contact with her. The first day we got back from break, she told me about what had happened and that she wants to be alone to think about it and that we should not be together anymore. She said from the beginning when we first started i shouldnt have fell in love with her because of her situation. She said that while she doesnt love him anymore, she still has feelings for him in that she doesnt want to hurt him because the guy is crazy in love with her and would do basically anything to be with her or do crazy things to himself if she doesnt contact him, and that she feels that he loves her more than i love her, not in the way being that i dont love her enough but that he is too in LOVE with her. She said that she loves me and always felt happy being around me but feels it would be really unfair to me that they will have to still be in contact and that i should move on and forget about her because she isnt worth the trouble. I then told her that we would end up having to seperate anyways after I graduate from college and she would have to go back to her country, but in the back of my mind i didnt want to break up with her and hopefully work things out if we do want to stay together. At that time she was crying really hard and i cant stand watching her cry so i respected her decision and left to give her space and time to let her think about it. Then the next day she texted me saying she finally got me the thing i told her to buy when she went back home from the delay luggage at the airport and told me to pick it up and also called me an hour later but i didnt answer because i left my phone at home and couldnt reply to her text until later that night saying i was busy and couldnt come pick it up today and telling her to hold on to it and i will pick it up when i am near her apartment(I dont understand why she would have to call me when she already sent me a text to go pick it up, Maybe she wants to see me? idk...). After i sent the text we havent contacted each other since. During these past 3 days I have been trying my best and not think about her but at night when laying in bed I would think about her and cant fall asleep. I already thought about just leaving her alone and not doing any contact with her until I am ready to contact her and be strong enough to face another rejection from her because I feel like we do have another chance together its just right now she is going through a tough time and I need time to let her think about it. Also i still have stuff at her place and she still does have stuff at my place and I cant bare to see her at this moment to give/get stuff back or else I cant really let her go for now. Is it the right thing to do?
MySweetie'sGone Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I think that for now you should put away everything that reminds you of her. If the stuff she has of your is not essential--let her keep it. See if she reaches out to you about getting it--if she does she's using it as an excuse to see you. Go NC. Cold. Dont call her and let her decide what she want to do. If the LDR is one that has no hope of ending soon more than likely she will stick with you. But you have to give her the chance to make that choice or you will push her away
Author spinal163 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 i was thinking about just ignoring her and stuff at the same time I would be thinking that what if she think I have moved on myself and becomes afraid to contact me because I know her in that she is the shy type when it comes to these things. Like she already contacted me one time and I have acted really cold towards her, she is probably thinking that I hate her or something but the thing is i actually do want this relationship to work out. The thing is she is a girl from China and most of her friends and her thinks that guys should be the one that initiates everything and MAN up. I am chinese myself but I was born and raised in a different culture so I am not sure what to do. I am thinking that right now I should just give her space and give myself time to see if I can let her go if I cant there is gotta be a certain time where I have to call her back and see if we can work things out or else I am probably going to lose her forever....
MySweetie'sGone Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 i'm pretty sure that she knows how you feel about her. if you think you were too cold shoot her a text or email and simply say "i acccept and understand your need for space. Just know that i care about you and am here. but for right now i am going to step back so that you can make the best decision for you." then don't reach out to her. Give it at least two weeks of NC. Believe me when you leave a girl alone she will always come to you.
Author spinal163 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 thx mysweetie'sgone for replying to my posts. I wanted to add more into it about how we ended and need opinions and hope u can help. When she brought up the subject she was kinda reasoning with me during the break up and i think she was hoping to see what my next move was and I just said I would respect her decision. She would end up saying why am I such a nice guy and would start tearing up really bad. Then out of no where I said something I didnt mean to say. I said that we are from two different types of world anyways and that after I graduate in a year we would have to break up anyways after I said that she said something in the lines of ok I had a good time with you together and I gave her a hug and walked out. In a way I feel like i made the final decision in so i was the one dumping her but also feels like im the dumpee....
MySweetie'sGone Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 hmmm...Well I dont think it was you dumping her, especially if she agreed with it. you were just protecting yourself. I wouldnt have said "we'd probably end up breaking up anyway" but hey, you can't go back & what you said wasn't that bad. she still knows how u feel, trust me. Just try to let things flow. She probably know you said those things out of being hurt.
Author spinal163 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 well i just got out of class and shes in the same class as me. good thing its a big lecture hall. I just completely ignored her and i feel so bad after class...
MySweetie'sGone Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 ehh...don't feel bad. it's not like you ignored her if she didnt say anything either. however, if she does speak be cordial. You can go NC w/o being mean...and still show her that you care if she does contact...just refrain from being overly emotional. just be supportive
Recommended Posts