Kizzyfur Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 ... is anyone here in a happy relationship? Seems like most, if not all of these posts should be in the divorce forum.
hopeful1980 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 It only seems that way because people who are happy don't need to post. Who needs advice when things are going well? I'm in a happy marriage (most of the time). When it's not good, I know things will get better.
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I am happy in my relationship with God. Does that count? Not unless you cook him dinner and wash his shirts, and he puts the trash out and mows the lawn, no. I am very happy in my relationship, because it's a place I choose to be in. it's not perfect, and right now we are going through a financial crisis that frankly, scares the heck out of me. But then again, so are plenty of other people. There's still a recession on in this country, and many people are in dire straits, so it's not unfortunately, uncommon. The relationship itself is one I think could improve - which one couldn't? But all in all, I'm happy enough to accept that anything worth the effort and commitment is worth sticking with. And it is. So, yes, seriously....I'm happy.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Things aren't exactly perfect right now with H and I but I am happy..alot happier now that he has decided to be a man and figure out his problems and work on them. Our sex life is amazing, our communication is amazing, our friendship is amazing..everything is AMAZING..
Author Kizzyfur Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Thank you for your posts. I was really beginning to wonder. I realize that when things are going good people don't tend to post about it. But why not? I just needed to read some happier posts I guess. LOL. I too am in a very satisfying relationship. Yes, we have our problems, but who doesn't?
hopeful1980 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Thank you for your posts. I was really beginning to wonder. I realize that when things are going good people don't tend to post about it. But why not? I just needed to read some happier posts I guess. LOL. I too am in a very satisfying relationship. Yes, we have our problems, but who doesn't? Because it feels like gloating in front of a whole bunch of people in unhappy marriages. I feel if I post how happy my marriage is all the time it will only serve to make those in unhappy marriages feel worse. I was inspired to post regarding getting ideas on how to romance my husband and I got great feedback. People DO like to read those types of things. But posting just to keep other abreast of how well things are going in your life feels like bragging.
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Ah, yes....... But why are our marriages/relationships good? Isn't it because we've practised what we 'preach'? Isn't it because of experience? Isn't it because we have all, at some time or another, worked through certain issues, problems and challenges, and come through the other side? This is why we're here. Sure we have problems! And certainly if we lie complacently believing that these relationships are now fixed, happy and constant, then we're in for a rude awakening. because relationships evolve. They take work. They take Effort. They take commitment. Every. Single. Day. Not one day goes by when something subtly shifts, and we have to shift with it. It can be as trivial as an upset at work, tiredness, PMS or a driving incident. All these contribute to what makes our day. And that's what we do. We roll with the punches. we accept certain things that are as they are because they are as they are. Some things we can change, so we make the effort to do that. We compromise, we discuss, we make allowances and above all, we consider each other in the relationship, as complete equals, with needs, desires, wants, and feelings. it cuts both ways, and we cut it right. but it's bloody hard work. And a lot of people out there, don't seem to see that.....
quankanne Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 it's bloody hard work. And a lot of people out there, don't seem to see that..... preach on, sister-girl! the only way you're going to "get" a happy marriage is to work toward creating something that's uniquely yours and that works for the TWO OF YOU. Sometimes that means putting up with annoying habits or quirky characteristics, but you're cool with that because you see the bigger picture ... I don't know if I'd classify my marriage as happy, because to me, happiness is a frame of mind. "Content" is more my idea, because it's an on-going experience of happiness. At least in MY thinking.
Stung Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I am also in a happy marriage. We're under a lot of stress right now (working long hourse, teething baby up all night, trying to sell a condo in a depressed market) so we do sometimes slip up and get snappish with each other but overall I think we do a pretty good job of being supportive with each other, presenting a united front against the evil forces of baby molars and mortgage loan officers. I love my husband, and I do post about it, but as someone else stated to start my own thread about it might feel a bit like gloating. Also, a lot of people on here have been married a helluva lot longer than I have, so they could always just give me the "Just you wait..." speech...
quankanne Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 presenting a united front against the evil forces of baby molars and mortgage loan officers :lmao: great imagery!
GorillaTheater Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I've been married for 26 years, and I'm in a mostly happy marriage. We've had some bumps now and then, and those bumps aren't entirely smoothed out (probably never will be, no such thing as perfection when it comes to a relationship between two flawed human beings), but I wouldn't trade what I have for anything else.
Enema Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I'm pretty happy with my marriage. 2 years in March though, so I don't know if I count yet
crazycatlady Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I didn't come here thrilled, or in a perfect marriage. We were in the middle of one of the bumps in the road of life, but I always knew it would smooth over and was in the process of doing my part of it when I came here. If someone wants to post a happy post, or tricks to keeping a marriage passionate or whatever, I'ld be happy to contribute. 12 years married, 14 years together (March 23rd). Yes we have had our ups and downs. And we have grown apart and then grown back together. I think the absolute worse thing in a marriage is complacency. Because you start not working at it. And marriage is work. Its fun work. Its thrilling work. It can be hard work. And sometimes, heartbreaking work. But it should also be passionate work. Always passionate work. I was thinking about this today as I was driving home from dinner out with my friend. Relationships are like a fire. When first lit, the flames are high and bright, but the warmth given off isn't very much once the flames die down. And if its not fed carefully after the initial rush of flames, it will die out. And if its fed too much, it will smother. But with care and feeding and regular stoking, you build a very nice set of hot hot hot coals. But if the fire isn't tended and watched, a spark could jump out and start a second fire somewhere else that could destroy the home. Or if its not fed regularly the coals will start to diminish and eventually the fire could go out. But if caught in time, a stray spark can be stomped out, and the fire can be restoked to life. Controling the fire is what allows us humans to grow and become more then what we were before it. And that's my attempt at philosophy tonight. CCL
luvstarved Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Ah, yes....... But why are our marriages/relationships good? Isn't it because we've practised what we 'preach'? Isn't it because of experience? Isn't it because we have all, at some time or another, worked through certain issues, problems and challenges, and come through the other side? This is why we're here. Sure we have problems! And certainly if we lie complacently believing that these relationships are now fixed, happy and constant, then we're in for a rude awakening. because relationships evolve. They take work. They take Effort. They take commitment. Every. Single. Day. Not one day goes by when something subtly shifts, and we have to shift with it. It can be as trivial as an upset at work, tiredness, PMS or a driving incident. All these contribute to what makes our day. And that's what we do. We roll with the punches. we accept certain things that are as they are because they are as they are. Some things we can change, so we make the effort to do that. We compromise, we discuss, we make allowances and above all, we consider each other in the relationship, as complete equals, with needs, desires, wants, and feelings. it cuts both ways, and we cut it right. but it's bloody hard work. And a lot of people out there, don't seem to see that..... LOVE THIS POST! I have been advised hundreds of times to leave my a**hole H on LS, and have come close many times. Heck, I might even do it one day. But any M will never be easy, and I have seen 2 steps forwards, 3 steps back, the dance continues. I do focus on the negative when I am posting, but I haven't given up yet, and tenacity is an absolute requirement for long term marital happiness. There are things that bothered both of us just after the honeymoon phase that aren't really issues any more. Others have taken their place. Some things have gotten better over time, some have gotten worse. IMO our continuing problem is poor communication, but even there, we make tiny bits of progress. I have seen very few marriages that went on forever in relentless bliss...there were some that I thought were that way up until I heard about the impending divorce!!! What I have seen, time and again, is people who hung in there, struggled together, wrassled to understand and accept each other, and went through lots of life together, good and bad...ultimately cherish their spouse not as "the right person" or the "best person" but THE person... My brother and sister have had marriages lasting 25 and 30 years, respectively. My parents were married for 56, when my father died. My inlaws are about to celebrate their 57th. I've heard them all bitch and complain about each other over the years, and still do occasionally. I also do not see any of the parties involved show more care and concern for the welfare of anyone more than they do their spouse. Ultimately, that's where marriage takes you. If you are willing to go through the hell to come out the other side to knowing, accepting and trusting each other... My H and I just celebrated our 13th anniversary. I still don't entirely get him, we have issues that I am very bothered by, and I worry that the whole house of cards will tumble down. But, we also have shared memories and some subtle understandings that we don't properly acknowledge all of the time. Just the other day, we had some typical "trigger" scenario in which we usually get mad at each other and go into a mutual funk... Somehow we managed to avoid it and clarify our feelings instead. All the difficulty had simply been about not seeing the other point of view. So, something that had been bugging both of us for years from different perspectives FINALLY got talked through to a point of having a plan for how to handle those scenarios henceforth. We UNDERSTOOD each other on the matter at last. These little victories keep you going...eventually your spouse becomes irreplaceable in your life..."for better or worse".
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