dashing daisy Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I have no idea how to deal with this. He's not really the issue anymore, he disgusts me now. He spent all this time even after we broke up saying he still loved me, he wishes we didn't break up, there's no one else, he didn't date anyone, I was constantly in his head, he missed me so much. Today I found about 40 pictures of him with the same girl, cuddling, kissing, some half-naked pictures, all from the time we broke up throughout this whole time we were talking. I feel like such an idiot. I asked him a few times, apparently months after these pictures were taking whether he dated someone else. He acted like I was being completely insane, insisted it was a crazy idea, and that I should know him well enough to know he wouldn't do that. And I fell for all this bull****, every time he told me he loved me I thought there was still a chance, meanwhile he's apparently openly dating this other girl. I cannot believe I trusted this guy, and I have no idea how I could ever trust anyone again. I can't believe someone can tell you they love you but repeatedly lie to you when you straight forward ask them for the truth. If he had just told me that he was dating someone, I would have dealt with it and moved on. Instead I stupidly stayed in limbo, while he said he wished he could fix things, that he still loved me so much, that he had never felt this way about anyone. Now that I know the truth I am disgusted that I wasted my time pining other this guy who clearly didn't give two ****s. Everyone who met him and knew us when we were together are completely shocked, they thought he was a nice, genuine guy. He turned out to be such a waste of my time, energy and tears. This whole time I was trying to figure out if we could make it work, and he's just feeding me some bull**** lines about how he loves me, there's noone else ("how could you even ask me that??") WHILE sleeping with some other girl. He's a selfish cowardly douchebag, and I let him walk all over me and I didn't even know it. I was completely oblivious and wanted to believe what he said. Are there any guys who actually care about someone else's feelings? And if you meet them how do you know they are genuine?? I can't imagine ever trusting anyone again, or being in a relationship.
Elizabrary Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Your post could practically be mine! I feel exactly as you do knowing that this jerk told me all these lies and was running around saying the same thing to other women. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. I put up with it for years and he constantly tried to convince me I was crazy. Guess what? I wasn't- he is! I too wonder how I will ever trust anyone again, or if there is even a guy out there that can be trusted. It hurts like crazy, and I'm scared!
ms.ac Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I'm in the same boat.. wondering the same thing, how do I trust anyone again. At this point I don't want to trust anyone again... I just don't get how people can do this.. it just doesn't make sense to me and I was with my ex for 5 years... its just crazy, how long were you two together?
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 MY goodness. Your story sounds just like mine and the questions you ask are the same ones that are in my mind constantly. My heart goes out to you!!! I wish I had answers but I still have none myself either.
GrayClouds Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Are there any guys who actually care about someone else's feelings? And if you meet them how do you know they are genuine?? Usually they a good guys who wind up posting on LS.... one of the best one I know goes my the initial of GC (but i also heard he can be a bit of an a$$ with his jokey jokies so you should stay away) I can't imagine ever trusting anyone again, or being in a relationship. That feeling right now is your heart telling you your not ready for a relationship. It is the self protecting outside candy shell for the taste chocolate filling feelings. And as you heal and closer you get ready to want to share your sweet little sweets you will also get closer to finding that trust again. Give your self some time , keep active and know that the next time out you going in with a great deal of knowledge that you had last time. And that will help insure that it will be a treat not a trick.
bassman57 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 yes there are. I was dumped by my g/f the day before Thanksgiving. I personally think she is a commitment phobe. Everything was fine, but when I asked on Nov 16th if we were on the same page etc, she said yes and everything was good until I received a txt on Nov 25th "if you get the chance, could you please stop by hon". She's 51 and has been having cramps as she's going through menopause and I was quite concerned about that. Well, when I got to her place, she had poured me a cup of coffee and told me that she wasn't in love with me. I reacted by throwing the coffee at her, slammed the cup down, told her to "save it" and left. To this day, she hasn't spoken to me and has been acting like a 5 yr old.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Usually they a good guys who wind up posting on LS.... one of the best one I know goes my the initial of GC (but i also heard he can be a bit of an a$$ with his jokey jokies so you should stay away) That feeling right now is your heart telling you your not ready for a relationship. It is the self protecting outside candy shell for the taste chocolate filling feelings. And as you heal and closer you get ready to want to share your sweet little sweets you will also get closer to finding that trust again. Give your self some time , keep active and know that the next time out you going in with a great deal of knowledge that you had last time. And that will help insure that it will be a treat not a trick. ILY GC!! :love: GreyClouds gave one of the best advices. Take a break from dating and start doing things that make you happy. Right now all you can be is selfish and worry about you, rather than someone else. The keyword is HEAL. Don't live in the bitterness of an ex but rather slowly move on from it. I've been in your position before where my ex hurt me so much that I ended up becoming very bitter. I hated every guy and I put myself through a lot of emotional pain. That hurt stayed with me for 2 years. Somehow you'll have to wake up one day and realize that one guy can't dictate your life forever. When I realized that I started being able to love again, even if it's the tiniest amount.
nobmagnet Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Trust has to be earnt love. Learn from the Red Flags that must have been there and those of your freinds relationships. One thing that time does do is heal you to a great extent. And if you work on your own true happiness within next relationship will be a good one. I have learnt over past relationships a lots about me. when things start to go wrong instead of addressing them I change, become maluable and lose my true self. It never works out because i turn into a person who is alien to them. They fell in love with the person I was not who I had become. Its the most valuable lesson I counld have every learnt. Trust? i dont know. I am enjoying the time alone and are working to get back to me. Try to work on you honey Nob xx
drew86 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 OP, that sounds pretty much verbatim what happened to me, just switch the genders. I feel like such a tool because I believed her when she said the guy she was hanging out with was just a a friend who hung out with her friends... She would get angry at me if I pressed her about it. I asked her that all I wanted was for her to tell me if there is somebody else. She told me she wanted to get married even! I'm not sure yet how to deal with feeling played the way I was -- I was taken advantage of and made to look like a fool for not being strong from day 1. I think that is one of the last steps I need to take before I can totally move on... Anyone else have advice specifically on this?
prayingshecomesback Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 (edited) Yep. My ex lied and betrayed me too. After dating 3 years and everything seemed so fine...she calls me up and says "You are who you are and I cant change you"...I was like "duh, that's why you have been for me for 3 years, cause I am a great guy". I asked her twice if she met another guy and said no both times. I even proposed to her and she said no when I went to pick up my things. But kept bragging to me that her life is so much better. Turns out she just started dating her tennis partner after the breakout and she is in so much love. I can really tell you the whole story about the biggest B****TCH in teh world but I wont go into it. Here is how you get over it and move on: 1) forgive him or her COMPLETELY. 2) open your heart again for the next to come in 3) have faith that the next one will be the one! Edited January 13, 2010 by prayingshecomesback
twinklecat Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Same thing here - was lied to by the two cloest people to me, ex and best friend. It hurts like hell, but at least you now know the truth, and can learn from it and move on to much better! x
Author dashing daisy Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 I'm glad I know the truth, I wish I had known earlier so I wouldn't have wasted my time and acted like an idiot, but he did everything he could to like and hide it from me. It's disappointing that he's not at all like the person I thought he was. I don't know him at all, and the things I know, I don't like. It sucks that you guys have all experienced the same thing. It just proves that this isn't an anomaly, there are many people who think it's okay to act like this. It's disgusting. I know how much this hurts, I'm so sorry you are going through these types of things. I don't understand how people can treat people this way. I definitely won't be dating soon. I'm so aware that I'm not ready. I just really want to believe there are good guys out there. I know there are some but it just seems like there might be about 10 in the world. What if I never meet a guy worth trusting, or worse, what if I meet a guy worth trusting but I can't trust him? This has gotten me so mixed up. I feel like I'm broken. I don't know whether to try to pick up the pieces or just throw them out and try to start over.
GrayClouds Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I don't know whether to try to pick up the pieces or just throw them out and try to start over. Both this is the time when we find what things work for us and what things we need to get better at. DD as you become stronger you will gain real confidence in trusting yourself. As that happens you will scare off all of the immature players, for they know their game only works on the weak of the herd. This guy got his clews in you but did not bring you down and as you move forward you will become a stronger. more confident, and faster gazelle that will be able to out run a wilder beast like this guy.
sugarmomma Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 (edited) And if you meet them how do you know they are genuine?? Judge them by their ACTIONS not their WORDS. Men know that women love to hear things but we as women have to wise up and watch their feet. It happens to the best of us every now and then. A man never has to say he loves me because I will know he does by the way he treats me. Edited January 14, 2010 by sugarmomma
GrayClouds Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Judge them by their ACTIONS not their WORDS. Men know that women love to hear things but we as women have to wise up and watch their feet. It happens to the best of us every now and then. A man never has to say he loves me because I will know he does by the way he treats me. good post ^^^^^
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