how do i win my ex back i dont know if its the right thing to do

[scar1984]

Here is the story of my breakup..Ive really tried moving on its been over a mnth now but i cant seem to stop thinking about him and every little thing reminds me of him..i still really love him and i still miss him a lot we do talk often and ive told him this a several times. Im sorry this is a bit too long.

 

Evn before i knew my ex my accounts would keep getting compromised msgs would be sent out and then deleted so that i never find out and it is only wen my frds wud call would i evn know wats happening. There was this application called zoosk which was added and msgs wer sent to all unknown people and i had no clue about it since my fb login which is attached to my hotmail a/c was also hacked i wouldn't receive any notification. Everytime there was someone new added to my gmail a/c settings would be changed n after a while i just stopped bothering about it. When my ex and me became pretty gud frds he was browsing through my account one day when he saw all this and the msgs sent out i myself didnt knw abt it i tried explaining it to him a million times. Besides if i had anything to hide i wouldn't have given him my passwrd and y wud i lie not that we were seeing each otha back then. Each time wed fight this topic would invaribly come up i just don't know how to exaplain it to him any further that it wasnt me to begin with. I guess even today he still thnks its me and hes still holding a grudge against. Everytime we fight i get all sorts of stuff from his account and then it comes back to i'm spying on him which is ridiculous.

 

In between he broke up caz i ended up missing his call. I know hes told me a several times before to carry my phs with me but i didnt anticipate that hed be done sooner than me. This so happened that wen i called him he was busy and i barely had 2 mins work so i left my phs behind in a hurry thinking id call him as soon as m done 2 mins later wen i got back i realised id goten 4 missed calls. Called him up immediately and appologised he refused to listen to anything. For one whole mnth he dragged this before we could sort things out. Its always been my fault and i always have to appologise. Even if i try talking to him about it all he eva has to say is this is how i am i am short tempered you change your attitude and my behaviour would change automatically. If i ever give him an explanation so that no mis understanding crops up then i'm trying to prove myself right i seriously fail to understand at times what my fault really is. I seriously hate fighting with him and i really bend backwards to make sure no argument even comes up. At times it really amazes me that we're actually fighting on such stupid issues and most of the times i just laugh it out.Even though it would be my ex's fault I would mostly appologise to just end the fight and also becaz the relationship is more imp than my ego and i guess thats where i really went wrong.

 

He would lie to me about petty matters which would really irk ive never ever stopped him from doing anything or had issues with him talking to women. At times he would be sitting online which i don't have issues with and he would lie hes sleeping and the best part is i always knew wen he was lying. I was at a friends place and he was online for quite a while i noticed but i ddint bother and after a while i called up to tok to him and i just causally mentioned so u were online and as soon as i did he logged off pretending lik hes sleeping. It doesnt bother me if hes sitting online or toking to ppl but yes it would really irk when he would lie about matters that ive never had issues with.

 

Ive always trusted him and ive neva eva bothered asking him for his passwrds. We wer on the ph i was wrking on the laptop so i randomly checkd to see who all r online n if my ex is online n i told him the same thing and thn 4 him i was spying on him and he went on yelling. I don't know his passwrds to spy on him and even if i hav to spy on him y wud i tell him hes online and make it obvious i would rather make it descrete than tell him abt it. He kept taking me wrong it was un intensional and i jes randomly happened to see. For a week i tried calling him tried my best to put things back together each time he wud only ignore my calls or be rude or insult me. Its not that i'm vunerable but i just considered this a very petty matter and i was waiting for him to settle down so we could talk about this. I can't even believe we actually fought on something as stupid as that. If i asked him anything all i eva got bak in return was u have no right to knw its none of ur business. planned out a really grand bday suprise for him The whole suprise thing and stuff i was quite excited about it and i just thought hed settle down for which i was told i'm lying. A week later i called him to sort things out and he was still rude. I still msged him saying i'm looking fwd to spending your bday wid u i miss toking to u havent spoken to u in a while now let go lets not fight on such petty matters i'm sorry if u didnt like it i didnt mean it it was jes very un intensional and he msgd back saying "ur crazy if u send me 1 more msg uve had it and i promise u that". Hed insulted me enff n id been taking it for really long and then i finally gave it back saying he was crazy and no1 but no1 behaves like this and that he needed help. I didn't wanna hurt him but he left me with no choice it was imp for him to realise hw it really feels and u only realise this wen ur on the receiving end. I got a chance to go meet him and i grabbed the opportunity maybe it was foolish of me to do so after what i said but i really tried controlling myself i really tried waiting for him to settle down but by then thr was so much built up that it just back fired. I was feeling quite guilty of having hurt him and so i msgd him after a while saying i was sorry and that i didnt mean it. Despite it all i was still trying to mend things and put the pieces back together.

 

And then after doing all that he cud he called me out of the blue to wish me a happy new yr and obvsly that was really not the reason. All the people id lost touch wid in the past 1 and a half yrs one fine day i decided to get in touch wid dem all so i added each one of dem. I deleted my ex from my list the day he said i was spying on him and obvsly he was chcking my profile to see the people on my list and he called to find out who they really wer. And according to him what he was doing wasnt spying on me but what i did was. Despite everything i still tried telling them who they r and my ex went on arguing making his own assumptions and passing his own judgements and then i finally gave up. I was really irritated with the whole damn thing and i obvsly ended up being rude to him but serly until nw things have really been going his way he calls wen he feels lik ignores my call wen he wants and calls and wants to be spoken to wen he wants and y do i owe him an explanation after the way hes been behaving. Ive just been really upset i really love him and i did whateva i could to sort things outbut i'm tired of being taken for granted each time.

 

We talk often and on and i know he still cares. We spoke the other day for 3 hrs i know i shouldnt have but whatever said and done it just felt really nice talking to him we were talking like we used to laughing joking around , pulling each other's leg for a change he wasnt screaming and fighting with me. I'm going to bbay next mnth and we are going to be catching up. Its been over a month since v've broken up and i dunno if sorting things out is the right thing. I don't even know if i can ever put the pieces back together but i really want to. I don't know if hes even gonna re consider but i really want to give it one last chance.

 

I'm really confused pleaseeeeeee help!

Edited January 13, 2010 by scar1984

[counterman]

That's is a wonderfully long post but it's all good.

 

If you want a guide to having a second chance, here's a good one.

 

First of all, when you two were together there seemed to be major trust issues. If you had to explain more that once what the e-mail and IM issue was and he still didn't believe you, than that is a problem. Like you said, why would you hide something if he has your passwords and whatnot? I use to share my accounts with my ex and I would only check if she asked me too. Maybe I did get curious at times but she trusted me and I trusted her. All this accusations of lying and deceiving would just make things worst. He didn't trust you when you explained it to him when he should have and bringing it up when you have arguments is very immature.

 

There are reasons why you would miss his calls. And like you said, you were only gone for a couple of minutes and you missed several calls but called him back immediately to explain. He broke up because of that? Please. You deserve way better. It sounds really, really clingy that he would get furious when he calls you and you don't answer straight away. I mean you're not going to devote yourself to waiting on his call when you think he'll call. That's just ridiculous. And dragging on this issue about arguing about it for a month? You weren't really solving anything and I don't even think he wanted to. I think he blamed much of it on you and when you apologise to him it's basically admitting that it was your fault and that is enough reason for him to be mad at you. NEVER boost his ego by apologising like that. Of course you both can apologise for your part in the issues but if he's centering the blame on you and putting all on your shoulders than forget that! It's just gonna fuel his ego; he isn't right about this that's for sure.

 

Can't believe that he would like about such a petty matter about being online or not. Why would he pretend to be asleep for? Oh, please tell me you have changed all your account passwords! If you haven't, do it now! It seems that he is being really unreasonable and there's a case of double standards. You really want to work things out, I can see from this but you have to understand it takes TWO people to make this relationship work. If you're breaking your break trying to work your issues and he insults you and ignores your or doesn't even give a damn, what's the point? You deserve way better than that darling and it's just going to eat away at you and hurt you more if you keep trying.

 

He seems like a serial pest but honestly don't devote yourself to someone like this. It'll just boost his ego and he knows he has you on a leash when he wants to.

 

Put effort into someone who's gonna put effort into you and your relationship. I know you really love him but in saying that, laughing and sharing good time again isn't going to change things when things get tough. Look down the track and if an argument surfaces again, you're back to what you started with and it isn't pretty. He's not gonna change and, trust me, he's not going to make up or admit to any faults utterly from the past. It's not worth it hunny, you deserve better.

 

I recommend you cut off all contact and just block and delete him on msn and facebook. Don't even answer his calls and follow through with any attempts to meet up with him. Move on and if he wants to sort things out well he'll come to you in person, after seeing a counsellor, get down on his knees and apologise for EVERYTHING that was partly or completely his fault; in other words, it isn't happening. You'll save yourself a lot of grief later on.

 

Chin up, you'll find the right person for you and it'll take some time working on this matter!