Tommy G Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Hi Guys I've posted here a few times. My g/f of 18 months broke up with me in August, to cut a long story short I tried running around after her until mid november making all the classic mistakes to try and win her back - to no avail. I then said to her basically ''if you want me, then you know where to find me. But I'm leaving you alone now'' That was our final words until she text me on Christmas day asking how I was and hope I had a great day. I foolishly text back saying thanks but leave me alone, you know you are only allowed to contact me if you wanted to reconcile our relationship. She responded in an angry manner, calling me arrogant and said if you don't want to be civil or friends then we'll leave it there. She hadn't changed her mind about us. Throughout this time she has constantly been on my mind, we broke up not over cheating or anything. The relationship (in her eyes) had fizzled out and she was just beginning uni. So I was left hanging, still in love with this girl and left with nothing. I felt low, disgusted that I wasn't good enough. I felt I was decent throughout our relationship. Never once spoke to or even looked at another woman. I was totally dedicated to her but I was tossed aside as trash? I guess nice guys always finish last, I've learnt that. I'm 21 and she is 19 by the way. I struggle to think she will find another guy who is as good as I was to her. I feel scared to love again and havent even dated since Aug. My confidence is smashed. I fel like I was a great person. I have a brilliant job training to become a Chartered Accountant, I have my own car and a very good income for my age. Last night I called her on the spur of the moment to ask if she still had feelings for me and if there ever was another chance. WHAT A MISTAKE She spoke to me like I was an idiot, made me feel like I WAS AT FAULT FOR IT. We spoke for 45 mins, by then I had ''made her angry''. She is also seeing another guy casually but they aren't in a relationship (yet). I will feel sick when I relaise she is with another guy. What to do guys? I feel good in a way that this is closure, but feel bad as she seems to have moved on a lot more than me and almost forgotten the time when she said she would marry me when we were older. it's mental, I need some advice. I know never to contact her again, and people should learn from my expensive mistake. Thanks in advance Tom
nobmagnet Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Tom honey. I really feel for you. I had a stupid meltdown two nights ago. Ugh. I spoke to Lowly and ended up loseing my temper BIG style. I was sooooo angry that he has moved so far on and im left here to pick up the peices of my kids and my life. W*nker. Take it how it is. She has moved on. Its time you do too. Get yourself out there honey. Have some fun, plan a holiday meet new people. Thats my intention whenmy house is sold. By the way I feel cr*p about letting him know he still gets to me. If i were indifferent I wouldnt have been so cross. ugh have some fun Nob x
Author Tommy G Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Ha you are in the Midlands UK too, I'm from Leicester Yeh it is hard, but you literally can't do anything. I'm just helpless, she has turned into a horrible person now yet I still want it in some way...Love is blind, right? The chances of her doing the same to a new guy is pretty high I guess. I am living my life and going to the gym 4 times a week. I'm using her as a motivation to get fit and muscular, but maybe I should be doing it for myself. Just heartbroken and it hurts that she thinks she can do better
GrayClouds Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Tom let it go. It over and as long as your focus is no her you will feel poorly. So what do you need to do to feel better? Will shift your focus. Shift your focus on you. Get into an exercise routine. Getting in better shape will help you look better and feel better. Start some new hobbies to get you around other people and give you somethig to do. Teach yourself how to cook good food. It is amzing how eathing well effects your attitude and it willingness the chick when you are ready for a new one. Spend more time with good friend and family. As far as future and worring about ever falling again. That just yourself telling you that you need more time to heal from the break-up. So listen to yourself do the those things suggest and give it some time. It will get better.
Author Tommy G Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks Gray Clouds, I really appreciate this advice. How can one deal with thinking about what was once the love of your life sleeping with another guy? Or just doing the same things we used to do. We broke up at the end of August and why am I not still healed? I should be by now I would have thought. I've got a lot to give, im a decent guy who wouldn't f**k anyone around. But it seems girls go after the bad boys, and unless I change to one of those I wont have any luck.
GrayClouds Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks Gray Clouds, I really appreciate this advice. How can one deal with thinking about what was once the love of your life sleeping with another guy? It is very hard but you force yourself not to. I had to stop watching any show that even referenced sex becouse it would take me right there. Do you know how hard that is to find? I did not wtch TV for about 3 months. We broke up at the end of August and why am I not still healed? I should be by now I would have thought. I've got a lot to give, im a decent guy who wouldn't f**k anyone around. But it seems girls go after the bad boys, and unless I change to one of those I wont have any luck. It sounds like she was your first love, giving that up is extra hard. But do the keep the focus on yourself and do the things suggested and you will heal. As far as being a decent guy. Yes girls go for the bad boy. Immature generally low self esteem girls go for bad guys. Women of quality go for decent guys who are confident. And if you decide to change then remember the girls that go for you will go for the person they think your are and will leave when you start being yourself.
Author Tommy G Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 It is very hard but you force yourself not to. I had to stop watching any show that even referenced sex becouse it would take me right there. Do you know how hard that is to find? I did not wtch TV for about 3 months. It sounds like she was your first love, giving that up is extra hard. But do the keep the focus on yourself and do the things suggested and you will heal. As far as being a decent guy. Yes girls go for the bad boy. Immature generally low self esteem girls go for bad guys. Women of quality go for decent guys who are confident. And if you decide to change then remember the girls that go for you will go for the person they think your are and will leave when you start being yourself. Well I will force myself. It wasn't right and realistically it wouldn't have worked second time round like most relationships don't, she's in a different place now. I agree - I won't change into a bad boy, I can't fake it. I am who I am, just my confidence is at abserloute zero. I think girls can somehow sense this? It's weird. She may or may not get with this other guy, but if not it will be sooner rather than later down the line! I wouldn't want to be with someone who could hurt me again like she did...so I guess I got a lucky escape. It's just my heart/mind playing tricks on me I hope. I'm only 21 at the end of the day! starting to feel a little more positive already
GrayClouds Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Well I will force myself. It wasn't right and realistically it wouldn't have worked second time round like most relationships don't, she's in a different place now. I agree - I won't change into a bad boy, I can't fake it. I am who I am, just my confidence is at abserloute zero. I think girls can somehow sense this? It's weird. She may or may not get with this other guy, but if not it will be sooner rather than later down the line! I'm only 21 at the end of the day! starting to feel a little more positive already Your all ready learning and already healing and it shows. Your confidence is at zero right now because it a way of protecting yourself from enter a rebound relationship that will just make you feel even worst at the end of the day. As you get back to a happy healthier place your confidence will be right there with it, in fact if you take this time to push yourself it will be even higher then before. A getting through a difficult break up teaches you of your own strength and good qualities. Like I said hit the gym, go try some things you always wanted to try, go do some new things, get better at something your good at now. They help with the healing and reinforces your self esteem that just took a temporary hit. And give it time and when your really ready for something new, there she will be and you will know that no matter what happen you have it in you to take care of yourself. Keep up the good work.
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