If only he weren't such a good looking-sleazy, womanizing, playboy

[Snugglepuss]

I'm 24 and have been with my 28 year old ex on and off for nearly 5 years and have now made the decision to finally stop hoping for him to change. I have given up. There are so many contributing factors that led to the demise of our tumultuous relationship. One major problem is the fact that I cannot trust this man. He is a very good looking guy with a gorgeous body and gets plenty of female attention. As petty as this sounds, he would not add me on facebook. I know I should not seek validation of our relationship from facebook but that inaction speaks volumes to me. He obviously has something to hide. He is not the type of guy who flaunts me around friends or talks about me incessantly, yet I have endured nearly 5 years of this.

 

I know he is flirtatious, but I think I am the type of person who pretends to be oblivious. I have anxiety issues and try not to think of things that make me even remotely jealous in fear of driving myself insane. I do not have peace of mind with him that is why I know I cannot be with him. I have established no contact for a couple of weeks now and he continues to text me everyday, yet I have not responded. He probably needs his ego stroked. He has been texting me things along the lines of not imagining a future without me and that he will fight to get me back.

 

During the many breaks we had had during the last 5 years or so, we have both been with other people. In June, I had almost moved to another state with another man I was dating and this completely devastated my ex. I don't know if that has to do with the fact that he does not want to be with me right now. I had tried to reconcile with him since August because I realized I made a mistake. He tells me that he is not ready for a relationship because he is in a rut right now. I think that is a major cop out and I don't think I should have to wait around for him to "better" his life. What I think is that he loves being single, going out, and probably messing around with other girls for all I know. There is no reason for someone to say they aren't ready to get back into a relationship right now, but certainly in the near future??

 

I have gone through this pain numerous times, but this time I need it to be final. I think I have mentally prepared myself for a long time now, so it is not initially hitting me just yet. I am the one who finally called it quits, but apparently, he is not giving up. Why would he pursue me if he does not want to be with me? That is very selfish of him to want me around so he does not miss me. It must be the way he is dealing with his own healing process.

 

I'm tired of beating around the bush and I know there are attentive, loyal, honest, good looking, decent, intelligent, successful men out there, so I should not subject myself to a relationship full of let downs and suspicion.

[nobmagnet]

trust your instincts love. My Lowly worm wouldnt add me to facebook either. BIG RED FLAG. He has something to hide trust me. It took me 3 years of hell from him till I dicoverd his affaire/affaires. You are right there are thotoughly decent chaps out there that are loyal and love you for you. I wouldnt waist another minute thinking about this potential Worm. Can you seriously imagine living happily ever after with this guy??????

 

Kick him into touch and find a decent chap when your ready and happy

 

Nob xx

[Snugglepuss]

Thanks nobmagnet. I have thought about this and I am 99% sure I can not be happily married to someone like that. I will really miss the companionship and the fun we had aside from the tribulations.

 

On a side note, I miss England. It was there that I realized I no longer wanted to move to another state with another man and wanted my ex back when I came back to America. Things didn't pan out and you remember why you left them in the first place.

[lmauk]

urghhh. Its so horrible. I'm sorry your involved with him. Its so black and white what you have to do -that is to everyone else but an emotional attachment is hard to break.

 

My ex at the moment i cannot get over - keep seeing him. Sat i got to the end of my teather and said look u want me to move on or what?! and he said no?!? how can they treat you so badly yet still want you there? it doesnt make sense to me!

 

5 years is a long time. I think you should put a stop to this, only you can.

 

Find someone you deserve! easier said than done i know but the other option isnt looking too great

 

good luck xxx

[TaraMaiden]

(. . .) Sat i got to the end of my teather and said look u want me to move on or what?! and he said no?!? how can they treat you so badly yet still want you there? it doesnt make sense to me!

What doesn't make sense is that you still talk to him, and ask him what he wants you to do!

You block him, ignore him, deny him access to you in every which way, and never - NEVER - ask him what he wants you to do!!

That's just madness!

Just do it!

You don't need him, you don't have to carry him around for the rest of your life!

 

..... I think you should put a stop to this, only you can.

...And... can you take your own advice...?

[lmauk]

LOL i know - I have on saturday i said NC. So far so good.

 

My story is complicated. I had a miscarriage so there were some not so nice things we had to sort out etc. So i had that hurt to deal with too.

I do want to move on. Just wish i could stop thinking about it all the godamn time!!! x

[Nikki Sahagin]

OP, I relate to your story a lot. I'm 20 and was with my ex for 2 years. He wasn't 'typically' good looking but had bucketloads of charisma and charm. He was always incredibly friendly and gregarious but this borderlined on flirtacious. Ironically he always found me too flirtacious but whereas I worked on that, he didn't.

 

My ex also used the same excuse that he wants to be with me later and not right now. I hate to be a sceptic and say that it is a cop-out because i'm sure there are legitimate cases of people needing time out to better themselves or sort things out independently before they can be in a relationship but i'd say if he is seeing other girls etc, then its not about needing to sort himself out, but needing to find something 'better', exploring what else is out there before committing to you, and after such a long relationship, he should be all in or all out, not half half.

 

Be careful not to fall into a trap. After me and my ex broke up we went to NC and then LC and then began meeting up and sleeping together. This didn't upset me but did confuse me and now i've said we can't see each other. Maybe one day we can form a friendship (i'm not sure why his friendship is so important to me) but not now. Now is about me. Now should be about you.

 

I think for him it is an ego thing. Men have very fragile egos. I believe moreso than many women do actually. They need the validation of women to feel like men. Don't give him it. He can get it from as many other girls as he wants. You're the one that gives him the ultimate validation; your love. Don't let him have it. He can have as many meaningless and shallow compliments from girls as he desires but he can't have yours anymore.

 

Be strong, put yourself first!

I also have anxiety problems so I really can relate to wanting to brush everything away so you don't explode. Feel free to PM me