tkgirl Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 a "nice guy" that tries to act like a "bad boy"... or a bad boy that tries to act like a nice guy? On the one hand.. it's pretty pathetic when a nice guy tries to act all cool and "bad ass" thinking that's what us women like. But on the other hand, when a bad boy pretends he's all sweet and caring at first but then you realize he really is just a jerk deep down, you feel pretty deceived right? So let's hear.. what do you all think? I'm hoping that the point we can get across to some of these guys on here that might read this is that most of us women really just want a guy that is authetic, genuine... REAL! hey, it's worth a shot, right?
Knittress Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 There's no point, they're just going to see what they look for. Which, actually, is their problem in the first place - so focused on miserable BS that the good stuff is completely invisible to them...
New_Life08 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 If I had to choose it would be the nice guy trying to act bad. Because when push comes to shove their true selves will surface, and when it really matters, I want the nice guy holding my hand.
Author tkgirl Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 If I had to choose it would be the nice guy trying to act bad. Because when push comes to shove their true selves will surface, and when it really matters, I want the nice guy holding my hand. hmmm.. that's true... but again, it's their true selves we really want to see. anybody else? I was really hoping we could clue some of these guys in a little bit.
tami-chan Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 a "nice guy" that tries to act like a "bad boy"... or a bad boy that tries to act like a nice guy? On the one hand.. it's pretty pathetic when a nice guy tries to act all cool and "bad ass" thinking that's what us women like. But on the other hand, when a bad boy pretends he's all sweet and caring at first but then you realize he really is just a jerk deep down, you feel pretty deceived right? So let's hear.. what do you all think? I'm hoping that the point we can get across to some of these guys on here that might read this is that most of us women really just want a guy that is authetic, genuine... REAL! hey, it's worth a shot, right? both are bad....because they are not being genuine.
colosseum Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 How could you even tell? Isn't presumably being able to tell already being too discriminating too early, thus Knittress said, pointless when people find what they're actually looking for?
Taramere Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 a "nice guy" that tries to act like a "bad boy"... or a bad boy that tries to act like a nice guy? They're both cut from the same cloth, in terms of not having a strong personality and clear sense of who they are. Watching either in action is equally embarrassing for anyone who isn't 12 years old. Actually scrub that...because children are often better at sniffing out fakes than adults are.
littlewhiterose Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 How could you even tell? Isn't presumably being able to tell already being too discriminating too early, thus Knittress said, pointless when people find what they're actually looking for? I think you can tell, if only you observe. I'd prefer someone who was genuine, that way I can move on to figuring out if we are generally a good fit together. "Nice guy", "bad boy", if that's who they are genuinely, then fine. BUT taking on 'personas' just screams of insecurity. No es bueno.
DiscoChick Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I think you can tell, if only you observe. I'd prefer someone who was genuine, that way I can move on to figuring out if we are generally a good fit together. "Nice guy", "bad boy", if that's who they are genuinely, then fine. BUT taking on 'personas' just screams of insecurity. No es bueno. Agreed. I would not like to date guy uncomfortable to be himself around me. The relationship would have a cracked foundation and may end in me feeling deceived and disappointed. He should be confident in himself and not the person he creates.
Author tkgirl Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 Agreed. I would not like to date guy uncomfortable to be himself around me. The relationship would have a cracked foundation and may end in me feeling deceived and disappointed. He should be confident in himself and not the person he creates. exactly! that's the point I was hoping to get across to these guys on here who say "women don't like nice guys.. the only like jerks.. I think I'll become a jerk then... blah blah blah" It practically makes my skin crawl when I read some of that crap. It's like, here's a thought.. why don't you be who you are and OWN IT! sigh.... I sort of doubt any of these guys on here will ever get that though...
DiscoChick Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 exactly! that's the point I was hoping to get across to these guys on here who say "women don't like nice guys.. the only like jerks.. I think I'll become a jerk then... blah blah blah" It practically makes my skin crawl when I read some of that crap. It's like, here's a thought.. why don't you be who you are and OWN IT! sigh.... I sort of doubt any of these guys on here will ever get that though... Have a little faith. Some of them seem greatly observant from what I have...read so far.
Author tkgirl Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 Have a little faith. Some of them seem greatly observant from what I have...read so far. yea, you're right... I shouldn't lump all the guys on here together. There does seem to be a few cool ones left....
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 I would prefer bad boy trying to be nice because at least he shows that he understands what women want and is able to think clearly. Nice guy trying to act bad is just It shows that he is delusional with a touch of misogyny.
and.then.some Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Nice guys pretending to be bad boys is actually pretty frightening to me. I've only had this happen to me once, but it was pretty creepy. For me, bad boys aren't just your run of the mill jerks. No, no. My bad boys are more along the lines of.... Clean cut guy, manager of a nice dinning establishment... A few weeks in while watching a program on drug trafficking, he declares that the information is all wrong. I say "Well, jee... how do you know?" and he fills me in on his previous adventures in the industry. A nice guy I was seeing asked me about my dating history. He was a very quiet guy, a book worm, and pretty refreshing at first. I told him about my past misfortunes, and sometime later he tells me about his record of arrests. I had a friend run a background check on him and it came up clean! He did a lot of... changing according to whatever it was I said. He was also an early "I love you"er. If the general definition here of a "bad boy" is just the one who doesn't call when he says he will, I'd say that's better. Those types of guys don't hold my interest anyway. By the time he called again, I'd probably be on to something else. As for the guys who believe they should be jerks because that's what women want, they would just be among the many others I ... wouldn't pay any attention to. lol I think part of the problem is people understanding what separates the girls from the women and the boys from the men. The grown ups see past most of the fairy tales and the "next best thing" and actually have certain expectations. It doesn't matter if they just want to date and make friends or if they're out looking for serious relationships. There's a big divide between those who know what they want and those who haven't quite figured it out yet.
threebyfate Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Both are equally as bad. Take the stupid mask off and be yourself. If no one is interested, then you're going to have change at core, not just make a few superficial changes or pretend. Most often, there will be someone who will appreciate whatever you've got to offer but you just have to be patient.
dreamergrl Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 If a guy can't be himself, then I have no interest.
D-Jam Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I'm hoping that the point we can get across to some of these guys on here that might read this is that most of us women really just want a guy that is authetic, genuine... REAL! hey, it's worth a shot, right? I know there are a lot of doormats and douchebags in the male populace...but you women need to realize there are plenty of genuine men out there who aren't doormat nor douchebag. Only problem is you women need to accept that they don't come packaged as the bad boy and do not live exciting lifestyles. I know I'm a guy so my answer doesn't really count in this topic...but I agree with the opinions that both aren't good because they're both faking who they are. False advertisement.
Author tkgirl Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 I know there are a lot of doormats and douchebags in the male populace...but you women need to realize there are plenty of genuine men out there who aren't doormat nor douchebag. Only problem is you women need to accept that they don't come packaged as the bad boy and do not live exciting lifestyles. I know I'm a guy so my answer doesn't really count in this topic...but I agree with the opinions that both aren't good because they're both faking who they are. False advertisement. so you're saying that we... i.e. the "you women" ...need to work seeing guys how they really are and accept that... ok, I'll give you that. I just got sick of seeing all these threads on here about how all women only like jerks or how we don't want "nice guys"... when what I think we really want is a guy who is who is he is and makes no excuses about it. If you're a nice guy and you feel some women don't appreciate you then F 'em! well, not literally.. you know what I mean!
bberryguy Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I could be wrong, but I think the thing about bad boys that women like is that they are a challenge, exciting, mysterious, and have a back bone. It keeps them interested. Women like nice guys because they treat them well, are stable, well rounded, and mature - BUT there are the nice guys that are "too nice guy". IOW, they don't have a spine and go along with everything just to keep the peace. This is unattractive and the relationship loses it's challenge, excitement, mystery, etc. The problem is when you're a guy in the middle. I'm certainly not a "bad boy" per se. I prefer to treat my woman right, be attentive, and enjoy my time with her. I also have no desire to be a doormat. But I also have quite a bit of patience, and very few strong feelings about what needs/should be done at any given moment. i voice my thoughts but am willing to compromise. I'm not a push over - I just haven't been pushed far enough. When i do feel strongly about something, I speak up and make it an issue (generally). Unfortunately, we're all - including women - caught up in these category extremes. If you're a bad boy who mistreats a woman and thinks only about yourself, grow up. If you're a nice guy but always go along to keep the peace even if you don't like it and just keep hoping things will go your way if you quietly do 'x' then grow a spine already and be willing to lose what you have. For those of us in the middle? Crap I dunno.
D-Jam Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 so you're saying that we... i.e. the "you women" ...need to work seeing guys how they really are and accept that... ok, I'll give you that. I just got sick of seeing all these threads on here about how all women only like jerks or how we don't want "nice guys"... when what I think we really want is a guy who is who is he is and makes no excuses about it. If you're a nice guy and you feel some women don't appreciate you then F 'em! well, not literally.. you know what I mean! I agree with you all the way. I agree that the guys who complain endlessly on how all women reject them to chase jerks usually are guys who have a lot of qualities that women are not into...but they still think because they're nice to women that the women should just grow to like them. That and they pursue the wrong women. I've seen women who are adamant on trying to find a Brad Pitt handsome male who makes tons of money and lives an exciting life...but would give up sleeping around to be with her. Yeah once in a great while the woman finds one of those...but most of the rest end up disappointed. So the "nice guys" complain endlessly about how women reject them and seek out that "alpha", but they never speak of or see how they might have no social skills, or they dress and carry themselves in an unattractive manner, or they are 30 lbs overweight and yet are chasing gym bunnies. I usually put part of the blame of someone who has bad luck in love on the person. I won't put all of it, because yes there are handsome good men who get rejected by a lot of women because those women wanted more excitement or money, and there are good women who don't chase douchebags, but end up with some because said douchebag put on a pretty good act to make her think he was a normal good man. If a woman seems to be meeting one liar/jerk/playa/douchebag after the next though...then it comes down to what she's into and what guys she's trying for. If a man seems to get rejected every time all the time by every woman he tries for, then I first would wonder if he's chasing women who never would be into him, or if he appears and/or acts in a way that's unappealing to women. Women can complain to death and claim all men are lying pigs, but it's not going to help her find a good man. Men can complain to death and claim that all women are shallow opportunists, but it's not going to help him find a good woman or even a date for that matter. It just comes down to people accepting reality, putting aside the compliments from their moms and friends of how they are good people, and really seeking out what it is about them and/or their selection criteria that leads them to constant failure. "Accept me as I am" means the person can CHOSE to accept or reject the person you present yourself as. It's NOT a cold statement that someone must take you.
Taramere Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I was having a PM convo with another woman from the board about our notion of the perfect male, and we both agreed that it's hard not to refer back to Howard Roark from the Fountainhead. In terms, I suppose, of his integrity and consistency. His independence and lack of need for validation from others. However, people aren't perfect in real life. Men aren't Howard Roark...and any who were would probably find that their life worked out pretty badly when it wasn't being penned by an author who was sympathetic to their perspective. In real life, offending and being disliked by the majority of people is likely to be a big impediment to success and happiness. Other characters in that book, who exemplify Bad Boy pretending to be nice, or nice guy pretending to be a badass. Ellsworth Toohey is the bad guy who assumes a saintly aura. He's despicable and revolting from the start, but you can't quite understand why. Then as his motives become clearer, you realise why you don't like him. The nice guys pretending to be badasses....I suppose these would be the characters who want Howard Roark to design buildings for them in order to show off to their friends that they're a bit unique and different. "Not part of the herd." The problem being that ultimately they don't like his buildings and wouldn't be happy living in them. So what's the point? The male character in that book who I think is the most realistic "balanced man" is Guy Francon. He's not perfect. He's flawed and he's vain at times, but he's got a strong ethical basis to him - and he's the most human character in the book. Basically, a nice guy who understands the way the world works and who uses that knowledge to his advantage without being a total dick about it.
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