Author InsatiableBri Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 I'll add one more thing. My stbx, long before I knew her, as a young woman, had an abortion from similar circumstances. Is it coincidental that neither we nor she and her two past husbands were able to have children? She invariably blamed me for our infertility, but your story has got me to thinking..... anyway, be safe wow....and you haven't taken the initiative to medically figure out what the issue is between the two of you...instead you secretly blame her.... wow
Author InsatiableBri Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 F U C*nt.... that's all I'm going to say. I've had enough of you bitches... I see how much respect you have for women...it helps when considering your opinions....
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Try telling that to any obstetrician. There are two distict heartbeats in her body right now. One is hers, the other the baby's. Value judgements aside, facts ARE facts Heart starts pumping blood in the 6th week. She's only at 5. Besides - it is STILL her body before the cells developed. Sorry if you disagree with that. When you are forced to carry something inside your body for 9 months (dealing with lots of damage for something you don't want) because other people think you should, then get back to me. But that aside, this is not an abortion debate. If you disagree with abortion, start a new thread.
PinkToes Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 One more thing to keep in mind while you make the decision on whether or not to tell him: If you decide not to say anything and the two of you end up in a relationship, please make sure you're prepared to keep the secret forever. It may or may not be an issue for him down the line, but there is a chance he would be more upset at your not telling him until later. You are right that the most important thing is looking after yourself right now, and you don't need the burden of having to worry about how he will react. But as others have said, he can also be a huge source of support for you. Take care, I know this isn't easy.
Stung Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 F U C*nt.... that's all I'm going to say. I've had enough of you bitches... WTH? Carhill, was your account hacked? Did you hit your head? Your response was wildly out of proportion to what was said to you and seemed to me to be very out of character. OP, I would lean towards disclosure to the man, as you say he is your good friend. It will probably prove an awkward conversation at best but remaining silent will erect a barrier of silence which I believe can only cause a gulf to widen between you. HOWEVER, if you believe he is a controlling type who will try to force a plan of action on you one way or the other, or if you fear he will react negatively and create major additional stress for you in this already stressful time, I would not say anything.
Author InsatiableBri Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Abortion is hard enough. Let's not add groundless guilt. Infertility in women can happen for a multitude of reasons. And infertility in a couple really isn't something that should be "blamed" on one person or another. I think it was poor taste on her part to blame you, Carhill. I experienced infertility with my XH - no idea whose "fault" it was considering doctors couldn't find anything wrong with either one of us. But the point is - abortion isn't likely to cause future infertility problems if done correctly. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/abortion/AN00633 Thank you so much for your unbiased opinion and this information. I am not taking the option of termination lightly. I am distraught. I work in the ent. industry and have been laid off, I'm uninsured, I am not in a committed relationship with this great guy, I am far from any familial support system. Yes it took two to 'tango' but I am not trying to trap this guy and if I decide to keep this baby I will be overjoyed if he is there and present. If I decide to terminate it will be my decision that I have to live with and I do not want to bring him strife or expect $ or have to manage anything else but the decision that I had to make. This is just a really bad situation to be in.
tami-chan Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 F U C*nt.... that's all I'm going to say. I've had enough of you bitches... huh? Carhill???
Author InsatiableBri Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 OP, I would lean towards disclosure to the man, as you say he is your good friend. It will probably prove an awkward conversation at best but remaining silent will erect a barrier of silence which I believe can only cause a gulf to widen between you. HOWEVER, if you believe he is a controlling type who will try to force a plan of action on you one way or the other, or if you fear he will react negatively and create major additional stress for you in this already stressful time, I would not say anything. He is far from controlling...he is a really great guy. He would be a tremendous support...but he would be emotionally affected, this would weigh heavily on him. I am very concerned about the gulf it may or may not cause IF that is my decision. I am even more concerned about how he may try and step up when his heart isn't into it and i don't want that either. This is so messy.... but thank you so much for your input... it is what is keeping me up...at this very moment.
skydiveaddict Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 . When you are forced to carry something inside your body for 9 months (dealing with lots of damage for something you don't want) because other people think you should, then get back to me. But that aside, this is not an abortion debate. If you disagree with abortion, start a new thread. Forced to carry SOMETHING? You mean like another human being? Sorry if I was off one week on the heartbeat thing. When sprem meets egg, there is a unique cell created that will, (if not killed) develop into a human being. It is it's own person at conception. If you dont want that than dont risk having casual sex.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Forced to carry SOMETHING? You mean like another human being? Sorry if I was off one week on the heartbeat thing. When sprem meets egg, there is a unique cell created that will, (if not killed) develop into a human being. It is it's own person at conception. If you dont want that than dont risk having casual sex. This is not an abortion debate. Start your own thread to share your thoughts on what women should do with their own bodies, sir.
BUENG1 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 He is far from controlling...he is a really great guy. He would be a tremendous support...but he would be emotionally affected, this would weigh heavily on him. I am very concerned about the gulf it may or may not cause IF that is my decision. I am even more concerned about how he may try and step up when his heart isn't into it and i don't want that either. This is so messy.... but thank you so much for your input... it is what is keeping me up...at this very moment. If you don't want to tell him because of fear of violence or abuse of some sort then obviously you should not tell him, but otherwise I think you should tell him. If you want to tell him after you've either had or abortion or given birth thats up to you. He may not want to continue this arrangement if he knows about this and thats certainly his right. If you end up having the baby obviously you should tell him either before or after the pregnancy depending on how you think he would react.
Author InsatiableBri Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 If you don't want to tell him because of fear of violence or abuse of some sort then obviously you should not tell him, but otherwise I think you should tell him. If you want to tell him after you've either had or abortion or given birth thats up to you. He may not want to continue this arrangement if he knows about this and thats certainly his right. If you end up having the baby obviously you should tell him either before or after the pregnancy depending on how you think he would react. I have said several times... If I decide to keep it of course I will tell him...immediately. Whether he chooses to support that decision or not.
Stung Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Forced to carry SOMETHING? You mean like another human being? Sorry if I was off one week on the heartbeat thing. When sprem meets egg, there is a unique cell created that will, (if not killed) develop into a human being. It is it's own person at conception. If you dont want that than dont risk having casual sex. This is not an abortion thread, pro or con. Start your own thread.
Stung Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 He is far from controlling...he is a really great guy. He would be a tremendous support...but he would be emotionally affected, this would weigh heavily on him. I am very concerned about the gulf it may or may not cause IF that is my decision. I am even more concerned about how he may try and step up when his heart isn't into it and i don't want that either. This is so messy.... but thank you so much for your input... it is what is keeping me up...at this very moment. Yes, it is a hard and messy situation to be in. You have my sympathies. In my opinion, if you terminate without telling him about it, it will almost definitely create a barrier of silence and a widening gulf between you when you have knowledge and experience of something quite profound and he does not. If you decide to terminate and do talk to him and accept his support, it could create a gulf of awkwardness and resentment between you, or it could bring you closer together, a shared hardship which fosters mutual sympathy and respect. This is of course just my own guess, as I have met neither of you. You have already stated that if you choose to continue the pregnancy and carry the fetus, you will of course tell and involve him, so I don't see any real point in addressing that circumstance. Either way, good luck.
skydiveaddict Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 This is not an abortion thread, pro or con. Start your own thread. She wants to know if she should "teminate" her her pregnancy, and this is NOT about abortion? oh sorry, perhaps I should start another thread
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 She wants to know if she should "teminate" her her pregnancy, and this is NOT about abortion? oh sorry, perhaps I should start another thread We must work on reading comprehension. She did NOT ask whether she should abort. She asked if she should tell the guy she's dating. Quit trying to see what you want to see - typical man.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 if I decide to terminate...do I have to tell him? Help... If I do tell him is it certainly the end of us? As for those who are choosing to make this a debate on abortion...that is not what this thread is about... Somebody PLEASE point out to me where she asked men's opinions on what she should do with her own body. I must've missed it somewhere.
Author InsatiableBri Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 She wants to know if she should "teminate" her her pregnancy, and this is NOT about abortion? oh sorry, perhaps I should start another thread I never once asked if I should terminate or abort this pregnancy. That is not what my original post was about ...if I decide to terminate...do I have to tell him? was my inquiry
Chicago_Guy Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 We must work on reading comprehension. She did NOT ask whether she should abort. She asked if she should tell the guy she's dating. Quit trying to see what you want to see - typical man. Abortion is very central to the issue because she is debating whether she should tell the OP that she is pregnant given that she intends to abort her fetus.
skydiveaddict Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Somebody PLEASE point out to me where she asked men's opinions on what she should do with her own body. I must've missed it somewhere. What the hell has gender got to with it? Her own body? I never knew a woman who had two heartbeats, four kidneys and two brains. All I ever tried to say is that I've had friends who have gone through this, and it devastated them I was just trying to tell her to think carefully before making a decision
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Abortion is very central to the issue because she is debating whether she should tell the OP that she is pregnant given that she intends to abort her fetus. Hmmm. 1) Should I abort? 2) Do I have to tell my partner I chose to abort? They are completely separate issues. It's none of your business if she chooses to abort because she's not asking your opinion on #1. Thick skulls. Point not sinking in. Nevermind. I give up.
PinkToes Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Bri, you can use the "ignore" feature when you're logged in, if you want to avoid the advice that's unrelated to your question. You don't need to take that on too, with everything else.
skydiveaddict Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 (edited) I found out today I am 5 weeks pregnant. I am not in an exclusive relationship with this guy. I do not sleep with anyone else we are just not bf/gf...This is NOT a case of NO BIRTH CONTROL...the method we were using failed. I am not sure what to do...we have been growing to know each other for the last 5 months... I do not know if I am going to terminate the pregnancy or not...if I decide to terminate...do I have to tell him? Help... If I do tell him is it certainly the end of us? Ok you're BOTH right. I'm just asking you to consider your situation carefully abortion is a devesting thing Edited January 13, 2010 by skydiveaddict
RedDevil66 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I was just casualy dating a guy many years back and I got preggies. I went into total shock! I was in my mid 30's, single and never wanted kids I had an abortion and did tell the guy. He was going to get a lawyer to try to stop me turns out, he was a real scary jerk! I only knew him for a few months at this time I told my dr and she made sure to schedule the abortion real fast before this guy could do anything. Don't tell him unless you plan of having a child
RedDevil66 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Considering it's an open question on a public forum, I find it pretty annoying that you are getting all uppity for giving my opinion. It's not an infants fault that mommy doesn't like to pick decent men when she decides to open up her legs. No man in his right mind would allow his child to be murdered via vacuum and dumped in a vat of acid. When they invent a time machine I'll go back in time and have you aborted, we'll see how you like it then, "Soul" search Life gets easier when you don't judge others. Everyone has thier own choices to make
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