funbobby Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 My girlfriend and I moved in together 2 years ago. During this summer I find out that cheated with her ex husband for reasons I don't wish to discuss here but as they are not relevant but have been addressed. Having said that we reconciled and I forgave her. Fast forward 4 months, I end up having to take a job 6 hours away which brought me home only on weekends. I was barley into the new job when I find out she ends up having dinner with her ex husband knowing full well how I felt about that relationship with him. Then the cell phone behavior starts. Keeping it with her all the time, leaving it on vibrate so I can't here texts coming through and leaving it locked and conveniently deleting all her messages. Then there's taking it into the bathroom with her and spending more time than normal in the bathroom. Then there was an evening where she left it on the night table in our bedroom. We got into a fight while we were in bed and I left the room. I suppose she thought I was gone for the night to the couch. Not wanting to sleep on the couch I returned to the bedroom. When I entered the room the phone was on the table but the whole ceiling was lit up form the lighted display on her phone. She denied she was using her phone. I guess the screen just lights up automatically. Hmmm every cell phone I've seen doesn't do that. I would welcome any opinions as to whether she is cheating again.
carhill Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Answer: Unknown Boundary: Accepting your terms of transparency or exit. Her choice. Your boundaries. Does she have children with her ex and, if yes, were said children at dinner?
Author funbobby Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 She says they were. However knowing my feelings about her relationship with her ex husband don't you think a person would avoid a situation where they had dinner with the person they cheated with, out of respect for their partners feeling.
carhill Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 So I'm clear, she has children with her ex and she says the children were at the dinner? Hmm, this kinda indicates to me that you and she don't live together, or her ex has primary custody. Regardless, my boundary would be communication transparency and I'd be inviting the ex over for dinner. I knew stbx's ex (her 2nd H) and he was a great guy. I think she minded my knowing him more than I did. Of course, now I know why (nothing to do with cheating). Be prepared to walk if your boundaries are breached. Relations with ex'es where children are involved are exceedingly difficult and it sounds like there's unfinished business between those two.
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