soconfusedreally Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I love him so much. I know things weren't perfect but I can't help that I still love him. All I want to do is tell him that. Not that I haven't told him that before...but I've finally gone into NC for the past couple of weeks (he broke up with me 3 months ago). My life has been on a downhill spiral ever since he left me. It is like I'm self-destructing or something. I'm doing things that are totally out of my character. I am trying to hard to be okay but I'm not. I know he is moving on, I've seen evidence of it. I tried to but that just made my situation much worse. All I want to do is talk to my best friend but I can't. He has been clear that he does not love me anymore. I just don't understand how he can not love me when I love him soooo much. I just want to know what is so wrong with me that he would treat me this way. I know I'm supposed to know that it will eventually get better but I really can't see that. I just want to talk to him again but I know I shouldn't.
curiousnycgirl Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I am assuming you are asking us to stop you from calling him - so I'll tell you that whatever healing you havce done, will be for naught if you call him. You'll be back at square one - and have to go through the pain you've already experienced yet again. You can do this. If I can anyone can! Today is 6 weeks NC for me - I had a few teary eyed moments today - but thankfully the all out bawling my eyes out every day appears to have ended. I know that if I spoke with him today, I would be all the way back at NC day 1, crying until I am a puddle on the floor and simply a mess. In fact today I was invited to a baby shower for his best friend's wife and I said no - because I know I am not yet healed enough to see people I met through him. You can do this. I know how painful it is. But calling will only make you feel worse, not better. Please stay strong and focus on YOU.
paleblue Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 yes, its a process you go thru. if you contact him you will just go back to square one and it hurts all over again just like day one. you are being strong. and you are facing the hurt. and it does hurt. and it does suck. breakups just suck! but ya, it will get better. i know how you feel when you say you dont understand how he can not love you when you love him so much. that feeling hurt me a lot when my girl took off on me. i still dont understand how/why ppl wind up feeling the way they do. but now you have to learn how to un love someone i guess you can say. i say think of something you want to do -just for you -that would make you feel really good and just go and do it.
Author soconfusedreally Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 That is just the problem. I've realized nothing makes me feel good right now. I've tried to mask the pain but unfortunately, it has just made me feel worse in the end. I know if I break it, it is supposed to take me back to square one. But I honestly feel like I'm there anyway! I don't want to do it. My head is telling me that I need to be strong but I don't know how much longer I can last. I hope I find some strength somewhere soon...
LovelyDaze Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 That is just the problem. I've realized nothing makes me feel good right now. I've tried to mask the pain but unfortunately, it has just made me feel worse in the end. I know if I break it, it is supposed to take me back to square one. But I honestly feel like I'm there anyway! I don't want to do it. My head is telling me that I need to be strong but I don't know how much longer I can last. I hope I find some strength somewhere soon... Listen to the other members advice and listen to your head: DON'T DO IT. You know how much you hurt now? Just contact him and tell him how much you love him. His reaction will be the answer you need. I can guarantee that the fact that you've said he doesn't love you anymore will get him to now have to form it in words he hopes you will understand, which won't be pretty. Your heart needs time to catch up to your smarts that contacting him is a horrible idea. You want him to say that he loves you too and wants nothing more than get back together with you. Well, he won't. Actually, let me take that back a little. My ex was the ultimate dream come true. I did NC and he came marching back with full force even telling me he wants us to work it out so we can get married someday! I belived it and guess what? He went back to his old tricks and treats with someone else and the hurt was a million times WORSE! If your ex even gives you a nudge, it will be just crumbs he is throwing at you. If you can honestly say that you will be with him at any cost or even "just one more day" then you are selling yourself short...very short. Now is the time to work on your self esteem.You deserve way better than what you are asking for. Believe in you.
Author soconfusedreally Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks guys. I made it through yesterday and am still on NC. I feel much better today. It is crazy how it can change so drastically from day to day. But I know the worst isn't over but every day I continue to move forward, I am making progress. I still love him, it still hurts. But my mind is in a much better place today. Thanks for your help! As hard as it is to hear sometimes, I know you guys are right!
twinklecat Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Well done soconfusedreally! NC really is the best option. I have had moments where I have been so close to contacting my ex, and every time I get that I REALLY think to myself what it will achieve - a stroke to his ego, and dragging out this healing process even longer, putting me back to square one, and no-one wants that! Take care and stay strong, you've done great!
gaudi Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 i i still dont understand how/why ppl wind up feeling the way they do. but now you have to learn how to un love someone i guess you can say. This makes sense, I have quite a lot in common with OP. I've made it so far, but I'm not there yet. I just want to say that it will get better, and I know saying that doesn't always help. It's more like you want them to come back to you while you feel this way, and then you can shower them with love, show them how you really feel, do all the things you should have done. Well while you feel like this it just doesn't happen. If you even think of getting in touch while you feel like this I guarantee you will regret it, and you WILL push them further away. Take your time to heal before you do anything.
paleblue Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 nothing at all?? hmm. one day at a time. it is weird how you can feel so different one day to the next. nope, the worst is not over - yet. its going to be a long rollercoaster ride...but you will get thru it. and you will start remembering things that you like doing. i used to count the days. never thought it would stop. but it has - i dont anymore. and i havent in a long time. next thing i would like is to forget her phone number! that would be nice.
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