WhereDoesTheGoodGo Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Me and ex broke up in early November.After LC and one drunken pathetic call from me I went NC in early December. Haven't heard from him at all since, not even "Merry Christmas". He knew I had to spend xmas alone. Still nothing. I guess he has truly moved on but it hurts to know he doesn't care if I'm alive or dead. Not once has he showed any weakness after we broke up. How can he be so strong. I know it was his decision but we were together for a long time. Any dumpers who could enlighten me?
bananaboat11 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 If you read some of my posts around these forums... I'm a big advertiser on BOTH parties cope differently, but BOTH are hurting. Trust me... as a former dumper and recent dumpee (from a toxic, dysfunctional, catastrophic, reboundesque relationship)... You, the dumpee, immediately have something torn from within you. You feel void and empty and don't know how to cope... it's just ripped away. The dumper usually has something to temporarily fill that void. He WAS with you. Clearly, there was something THERE. Where he is at now... who knows... who cares... you can't think about that, but you need to realize for you to OPEN up... you may subject yourself to MORE pain. He will eventually realize that what HE had... that THING you both HAD together... is missing in his life. you will begin the NC... and deal with coping by filling that void with positive things... friends, family, gym, hobbies, etc... ...he has a void filler whatever it may be. Eventually, it will not satisfy him the way it should. You will enter his thoughts again... and he will try to contact you. 89% of dumpers (estimate) usually do. All my exes that dumped me.... within a year... contacted me. Any girl I'vebroken up with... within a year... contacted them. If you're not mentally f*cked... and spent > 1 month with someone, there usually was 'more' there... and you just can't fall out of caring. I don't give two ****s how 'cold', 'heartless', and 'cruel' you believe you are. You don't. We all miss something about our former partners... we ALL end up feeling the pain... it's just how we cope that is different. You now need to reflect on all the good that is you. He left you. Clearly, he is the problem. You're still here. You're not broken. He is. He couldn't handle something in the relationship... he needs to fix himself... change himself if he ever wants to consider being with you... you should not change him.. he should not change for you. He should change himself... for himself because he wants to be with you.. and spend the rest of his days making up for hurting you. If I dumped a girl and wanted her back b/c I loved her, I know I would. Be strong. Be courageous. Be yourself. Recognize how amazing you TRULY are. NO CONTACT. Good luck =)
blinded Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 If you read some of my posts around these forums... I'm a big advertiser on BOTH parties cope differently, but BOTH are hurting. Trust me... as a former dumper and recent dumpee (from a toxic, dysfunctional, catastrophic, reboundesque relationship)... You, the dumpee, immediately have something torn from within you. You feel void and empty and don't know how to cope... it's just ripped away. The dumper usually has something to temporarily fill that void. He WAS with you. Clearly, there was something THERE. Where he is at now... who knows... who cares... you can't think about that, but you need to realize for you to OPEN up... you may subject yourself to MORE pain. He will eventually realize that what HE had... that THING you both HAD together... is missing in his life. you will begin the NC... and deal with coping by filling that void with positive things... friends, family, gym, hobbies, etc... ...he has a void filler whatever it may be. Eventually, it will not satisfy him the way it should. You will enter his thoughts again... and he will try to contact you. 89% of dumpers (estimate) usually do. All my exes that dumped me.... within a year... contacted me. Any girl I'vebroken up with... within a year... contacted them. If you're not mentally f*cked... and spent > 1 month with someone, there usually was 'more' there... and you just can't fall out of caring. I don't give two ****s how 'cold', 'heartless', and 'cruel' you believe you are. You don't. We all miss something about our former partners... we ALL end up feeling the pain... it's just how we cope that is different. You now need to reflect on all the good that is you. He left you. Clearly, he is the problem. You're still here. You're not broken. He is. He couldn't handle something in the relationship... he needs to fix himself... change himself if he ever wants to consider being with you... you should not change him.. he should not change for you. He should change himself... for himself because he wants to be with you.. and spend the rest of his days making up for hurting you. If I dumped a girl and wanted her back b/c I loved her, I know I would. Be strong. Be courageous. Be yourself. Recognize how amazing you TRULY are. NO CONTACT. Good luck =) I've just read a couple of your posts and they have made me cry- but in a good way this time. Everything you've said hit the nail on the head for me. I keep going over and over in my head every little detail about the breakup and realize that despite my faults, it wasn't all me. I don't know if I was the dumper or ungracious dumpee. But it doesn't matter anymore, it's over. NC= no new hurt. Thank you....
Catseye8 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Oh yeah, been there. It's awful. Here's the best way I found to think about it: - Unless you were dating a sociopath, there is no chance that your ex hasn't wondered how you're doing and thought about you since the breakup. - And if you were dating a sociopath, then it doesn't matter at all what he's thinking - the main thing is that you got out! - Also, if you're in NC, then for all he knows you're out there partying it up with a bunch of male models and having the time of your life. Well, maybe not quite that exactly, but at any rate he doesn't know what or how you're doing. And he doesn't get to know, either. It's your life.
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