McGrupp Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 tell me not to. thank you friends: .ill just type an email that you can trash and like we can both keep it moving. as i stepped away from all of this i realized how i acted, what i said. i just got back from california for 2 weeks . i did a lot of thinking out there. looking into the pacific i thought about you and all we had been through. what we had was pure by stepping away i realized why i acted the way i did. a relationship should be based on trust, communication, and respect. i stopped giving that. we should just have fun again. i know you can roll your eyes at this. but i used this whole thing as a catalyst to change. you want to find yourself, be alone...all of it. im not saying your wrong in feeling that. its cold now. i just want to have fun again with you. we used to have a great times. i miss that. Nick-
Howitzer Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Sounds like you are pleading for her to come back. If you want to convince yourself to not send this, ask yourself what you are hoping for. Do you expect her to change your mind, and come back to this relationship with completely open arms again? At best, I would think that she'd come back guarded. That would not be conducive to having a good relationship with you. Cheer up bro. Gotta be happy with your life before you try to share it with someone else. Keep it up.
Author McGrupp Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 i would agree with that. something like when i post stuff here i can see clearly how it looks, where in my email box it looks ok. good points.
Author McGrupp Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 how about this. "i miss you. its cold outside. i was an *******. lets get pizza and have sex."
HeavenOrHell Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 (edited) Well I would probably send it, but stopping after the 'catalyst to change things', I would have stopped after that bit. But then I'm a fool and everyone else here will tell you not to send it. I've sent letters to my ex and not regretted it, I would regret it if I hadn't sent them, none of it was pleading or begging. Any letters/e-mails I've sent are ones I've written but not sent straight away, I'll leave it for days/weeks even and see how it feels then, I usually take loads out but add bits and then sit on it a bit longer. Never send stuff in the spur of the moment. And don't send anything if it will send you crashing back down if you don't hear from them or don't get a positive response. Edited January 12, 2010 by HeavenOrHell
Author McGrupp Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 how you doing otherwise HoH? did u imply NC or u still in LC? seems like me and you are the only ones left from months ago
XKatieX Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I would say send it. I mean if she is truly gone forever, what difference would it make, right? I've read in a couple other threads that shes been talking to you on and off too...so I don't think it would hurt.
Author McGrupp Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 i mean how do i write a message that says "i know i ****ed up. we both did. communication sucked at the end. and then i freaked out. it sucks. i miss you tons. i learned a lot. we can just g like real slow." and all those things. how do you do that?
HeavenOrHell Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Still LC, well not even that really, see him every week:rolleyes: It's doing my nut in though so I've got to stop before my head explodes. I think there a few of us old timers about here and there I'll be here a while yet! You've said some positive stuff lately, you're going to be ok Seriously send the email/letter but I'd stop at that bit I mentioned earlier. Don't even mention trying again with her. how you doing otherwise HoH? did u imply NC or u still in LC? seems like me and you are the only ones left from months ago
Author McGrupp Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 yeah i think all the women on here will tell me to send (save maybe tara) and all the guys will say NO!! i would just love to be able to see her and be cool as ****. i know i could. anyway HoH i think you should start your own NC. u seem to be in pain too and i think u should give him some of that pain back. although you know whats best for you. seems like slow torture though. arrrgh!! but back to me! as i clear me head more and more i realize me and her werent perfect. there was a lot of pain i put myself through by staying with her. basically her becoming emotionally distant! BUUUUUT!!! i miss her. i think about things i did like calling her and her breaking up with me by arguing. so thats a knee jerk! i shouldve given it time! but noooooo. i had to push and be a tool! so i dont beat myself up as much. i laugh at myself for my mistakes. but they are my mistakes. and i miss my best good friend...her! but then again friends dont do that to each other. they dont. sooo.... i hope she is lonely and miserable tooo but i wish i was a man with her and she wouldve worshipped me.
Author McGrupp Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 new and improved: as i stepped away from all of this i realized how i acted, what i said. i just got back from california for 2 weeks . i did a lot of thinking out there. looking into the pacific i thought about you and all we had been through. what we had was pure by stepping away i realized why i acted the way i did. a relationship should be based on trust, communication, and respect. i stopped giving that. we should just have fun again. i know you can roll your eyes at this. but i used this whole thing as a catalyst to change. we were happy once together not that long ago. if you found someone else though, please dont even respond. later!
LovelyDaze Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 McGrupp, as your friend...DON'T. You were coming along far and I don't want you to fall backward and go back to Day One. Keep remembering the way you felt on that 1st day, if you send that e-mail and get no response, you will feel worse. And yes, you can feel worse that Day one(been there)
Author McGrupp Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 ive def already felt worse then that first day. some days killed me. some nights too. yer right. its been almost 5 months. she consumes my daily thoughts and its things like this that keep me in that state
DenverBachelor Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 McGrupp, as your friend...DON'T. You were coming along far and I don't want you to fall backward and go back to Day One. Keep remembering the way you felt on that 1st day, if you send that e-mail and get no response, you will feel worse. And yes, you can feel worse that Day one(been there) LD is right -- you need to move on and let it go. After countless new threads and going on and on about her, you are no better off today than you were the day after the breakup. Sending that just makes you look weak, regardless of your true intentions. She wrote you off and you need to keep your dignity and move forward with the realization that there is a whole world of great adventures awaiting you -- but not if you keep letting yourself revolve around this woman.
LovelyDaze Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 LD is right -- you need to move on and let it go. After countless new threads and going on and on about her, you are no better off today than you were the day after the breakup. Sending that just makes you look weak, regardless of your true intentions. She wrote you off and you need to keep your dignity and move forward with the realization that there is a whole world of great adventures awaiting you -- but not if you keep letting yourself revolve around this woman. Now DB IS right! PLEASE, McGrupp, you know most of us have been on the journey with you and understand that you would prefer to have what you once had with your ex. This is impossible. I'm sure you've been told something like this before though. Once something breaks, not enough crazy glue in the world will put it back exactly the way it was. The cracks are still there even if it's "back together" As DB stated, keep your dignity. A person(ex or otherwise) won't respect you if you show your weakness. Yes, in a relationship you can be afford to be a little vulnerable when you're sad such as having a bad day at work, a devastating problem that brings you to tears, etc. But in a broken relationship, you can't afford to. Doing any texting, e-mailing, calling and worse yet...bargaining, won't get you anywhere with her. You must believe that you will love again and the woman you fall in love with won't compare to your ex...she will supersede your ex hands down!
Howitzer Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Make yourself happy with your life. That's the best way to give her something to be attracted to. In the process, I hope you can find happiness within, instead of trying to get it from her. You gotta be happy with yourself before you try to share that happiness with someone else.
Howitzer Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Also, don't tell her things that she's heard before. You're beating a dead horse there. Do things that will affect the situation. Don't do things such as emailing her, to make yourself feel better. I guess, think rationally is what I mean here.
Author McGrupp Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 i completely agree with you and appreciate the advice. its hard sometimes to take yourself out of YOUR (as in mine) particular situation. i sometimes have to look at myself as if i was a friend and what i would say
alphamale Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 how about this. "i miss you. its cold outside. i was an *******. lets get pizza and have sex." no that won't work
bananaboat11 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 i completely agree with you and appreciate the advice. its hard sometimes to take yourself out of YOUR (as in mine) particular situation. i sometimes have to look at myself as if i was a friend and what i would say I'm sorry I missed this thread. MG, I'm glad you're not going to do it... I fear you will only end up getting hurt/burned more... I do not know your story, but if it's up on the boards I will read it (if I can find it).. Lovelydaze said it perfectly... please don't try to fix things that cannot... I had to realize this... and the only way I am able to cope was pushing my ex and all her friends out of my life forever.... Fill your life with positive things... friends, family, the gym, hobbies, music, us @ LS. We've been there... we're there now... we're here with you. Let her hurt in time... and when she does.. you won't be there when she tries to fix her ego by thinking you're still there to lift her up... second chances take A LOT more effort to make them work... and most of the time... they can fall apart because the person who left sees the problem (their problem) and leaves again.. sometimes more harshly than the first... and this rippps the dumpee... b/c we falllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll so hard for the dumper all over again. Be strong.
Author McGrupp Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 its just so weird. she wont leave my mind. i had this ****ing vivid dream last night. she was in bed with me. i was on top of her. i looked at her and said i miss you. she said she missed me too. and then i said i have to say good bye and her face became all blurry and then i woke up and it was intense. it was wild and i saw her
bananaboat11 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 its just so weird. she wont leave my mind. i had this ****ing vivid dream last night. she was in bed with me. i was on top of her. i looked at her and said i miss you. she said she missed me too. and then i said i have to say good bye and her face became all blurry and then i woke up and it was intense. it was wild and i saw her ...i've had one of those dreams... =/
Author McGrupp Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 the pain hurts so much. the anxiety that ill never love again. the thoughts of her hating me and how i screwed up. i get no respect. i thought she was the one. so lame. im so hurt still. when i dwell the enrgy of the pain rages throughout my body. its so weird. she was so beautiful my babe that i always thought i would have in my arms.
DenverBachelor Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 the pain hurts so much. the anxiety that ill never love again. the thoughts of her hating me and how i screwed up. i get no respect. i thought she was the one. so lame. im so hurt still. when i dwell the enrgy of the pain rages throughout my body. its so weird. she was so beautiful my babe that i always thought i would have in my arms. It sounds like you have low self-esteem and latched on to this woman with a lot of strength because you felt it was too hard to go out and date and along she came and you got lucky and she became your girlfriend. Look, stop defining who you are based on your relationships and those you get into relationships with. You need to figure out who YOU are and force yourself to be busy and have a great time. Believe me, women will respect you and love you for the independence. Right now, you just sound like a very needy person and that's very unattractive. I am sorry to be blunt but you really need to snap out of it and get yourself together and have a great time while being single. Go out and do what you love to do and enjoy the freedom. Stop trying to force round pegs into square holes.
Author McGrupp Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 yerright i was never that guy. never. and then i fell into that. i fell so hard. realized i am that guy now. ive been with other since then. but ****. i read this and was embarresed. http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml bam i became a giant pussy. ive read the books. know the mistakes ive made. but damn cant believe i became that guy.... still that guy i guess. **** me.
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