allicangive Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, but have had a friendship/intimate relationship for about 3 years. We just had a real heart to heart the other night about our relationship and where it was going and I can't figure out what the answer to that is. We are best friends, we are always open and honest with one another, and over the years we've grown closer and closer. I know I love him, I think he's a great guy and I would do just about anything for him and he would do the same for me. He told me that he cares about me more than any other girl he knows. Sounds perfect, right? But there is one major problem. When I became friends with him about 5 years ago, he was in the middle of his 5year relationship with his ex (also his first love). When they broke up shortly after, he was hurt badly but he seemed to overcome it. They don't talk anymore or anything, but he says that he doesn't think he'll ever be able to love anyone the same way he loved her. I think I understand because he is my first love and I can't imagine being with anyone besides him, but the problem is he doesn't think he can love me. He said he feels liek such an idiot because he says I'm the perfect girlfriend and he feels so lucky to have someone like me love him, but he just doesn't love me and he doesn't know why. Because of this, our relationship doesn't seem to be going anywhere from where we are now. I will always love him, but he can't love me. He said he wants to stay with me because he is happy in this relationship, and I'm happy with him too. But he says I shouldn't wait for him to fall in love with me because he doesn't think it will happen. Am I supposed to break up with him so I don't waste anytime looking for someone who can love me back? That seems like the right answer to me if I just answer that question on its own. But when I think about our relationship, it doesn't seem to make sense to break up with someone when we're both happy together. I do wish he would love me back, but I just don't know what to do. Please help
alphamale Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Am I supposed to break up with him... i think thats what hes hinting at
Author allicangive Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 but he said if he had to decide, he would definitely want us to stay together, but he said it should be up to me since i'm the one who's not getting the love i deserve....
temple Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 but he said if he had to decide, he would definitely want us to stay together, but he said it should be up to me since i'm the one who's not getting the love i deserve.... That's a really cowardly way of saying 'please break up with me because I can't do it myself'. Do you really want a coward?
Author allicangive Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 thank you, both of you that replied. I honeslty had no idea thats what he was hinting at. It just seems so unfair that I'm the one who loves him, yet I have to leave him =/ but I guess it's the right thing to do
ElQuebrado Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Thanks for posting. Iv'e got my own set of confusion--lol--but as a guy, it SOUNDS like he's not feeling you in that way but doesn't want to hurt you b/c you two are best freinds. He DOES love you--but not romantically---when I was in HS, I had a best friend who told me once that the reason she never pursued me, was b/c she knew what kind of person she was, and she sisn't want to hurt me. Hope that is insightful. ---El
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