I_Effed_Up Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 and sooo many others! This is my first blog. I've read a few and look forward to reading more. I've just gotten myself into such a nightmare. All my own doing, God I wish I had been smarter. I began a relationship with my Ex when I was 23. I had always thought that I would be much older when I settled down, but this man was so awesome and we lasted a wonderful 8.5 years. He had just asked me to marry him and I was so excited! We started the planning...everything was wonderful. Key dates: I had started a new job in Oct. Ex proposed in Dec. Affair began Feb. 1st Left Ex for affair on Feb. 15. I still to this day struggle to find a reason for being so stupid and impulsive. It was such a 'rookie' move. I mean at 31, I was actually seduced by the whole 'butterflies in my stomach' aspect of this new relationship that I convinced myself that this was my 'soul-mate' and ended my amazing relationship with my amazing ex. And it really was! There were a couple of minor issues, but nothing that we couldn't have worked out. If only I had been more communicative. Anyway, of course two years later I know this. It has been two years of 'Did I do the right thing?' 'Did I make a mistake?' and also a lot of rationalizing my feelings and behaviour...trying to justify my choice because if this isn't right, then wow...did I ever eff up! I broke up with my affair this past Oct., but he convinced me to attend councilling with him. The therapist made us promise that there will be no break ups or threats to break up until our 4 month therapy contract is up. I realized before Christmas that there is no hope (only wishful thinking) that this is ever going to work out. But now what? We still live together. I basically smile and nod, try to keep the peace. I do still sleep with him on occassion. He seems to think everything is great. I don't really understand what I'm supposed to be doing during this time. Therapy continues until Feb. I'm not supposed to break up or threaten to, but I don't want to be here or with him anymore. To add to this awful situation; he has a child that loves me and can't wait for me to become her stepmom. His Mother is dying from cancer and we find out on Friday if she can continue with chemo or if she has 2-6 months. His Grandparents are aging and I am currently out of a job. Oh God...I don't know how I got myself in this awful mess. Any insight as to what the hell I'm supposed to do?
gaudi Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Well it sounds like a hell of a situation, and I don't profess to be a master in these matters. But if what you're saying about the guy you're with now, that it really isn't going to work. I really think you should be talking to him sooner rather than later. I know what you've mentioned about the counsellor saying, and all the things going on right now. But you HAVE to be honest with the guy, of that I am sure.
Recommended Posts