AppleGirl Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 My child just recently met his bio father and grandmother, aunt, etc. I have been trying to get them to meet my child for several years but the bio father's girlfriend was so against it that the entire family refused to meet my child because they didn't want to "rock the boat". They didn't want to "rock the boat" because my child's bio father is a giant loser with no job or education and this girlfriend has supported him for their entire 5 year relationship while he stays up late playing video games and sleeps in all day. Anyway, not my problem anymore but he is still my child's bio father and I wanted my child to know his father. They finally met my child last fall when bio grandma contacted me because she felt it was wrong and was tired of waiting for her son and his girlfriend to make a move. Whatever. Anyway, they travelled to my house, met my entire family and things went great. I reciprocated several weeks later and travelled the three hours to stay overnight at their place. Things didn't go quite as smooth with bio dad and his controlling biatch of a girlfriend showing up unannounced. It was more uncomfortable than I can even adequately convey in words. Biatch gf glared daggers at me all night. No one introduced us, so I introduced myself to her and she wouldn't even look at me and refused to shake my hand. She refused to eat and sit at the dinner table with us, instead she sat in the living room and glared at all of us while we ate. The family then cornered my child and took him downstairs with them after supper and the unwritten sentiment was that I was to stay upstairs with the grandfather and watch tv while they all visited with my child. I was not even told that they were going downstairs, I just came out of the living room and everyone was gone. I mean, HELLO, my child is small. He does not know any of you from a hole in the wall. He had only met this family once before. So, I marched downstairs too and plunked my ass in a chair and was largely ignored for the entire evening. It was like the gf was "daring" any of them to speak to me...and so no one did. Bio dad also gave our child a gift, that he really liked. But it hardly made up for the 8 years that have passed. They also had video games set up and everyone, except me, was asked to play. The biatch gf played against my son and was determined to kick his ass every single time, while the rest of the family went easy on him...because he is only 8 for the love of god. Most uncomfortable evening ever. So, fast forward several weeks. Everyone has apologized a million times for the way things went down that night. I accept and the grandmother and I make plans for them to come up and visit in several weeks. Everyone has apologized that is, except for bio dad. He was so pissed that I was unhappy and uncomfortable about the biatch showing up, that he emailed me and told me to leave him alone and not contact him again. Done and done. A week before bio granny is scheduled to arrive, she emails me and tells me that they plan on taking my son out alone, for lunch. I balk at this because he has only met them twice and it seems irresponsible to let my son be taken out by strangers, essentially. Plus, these people are not from this country, so what would stop them from kidnapping my son and shipping him out on the first boat??? Most of their family are "back home" in the old country. So, this is not an unreasonable fear. I decline and bio granny emails me that she is really disappointed and refuses to come up to see my son altogether. She also says that if I want him to see them from now on, that I will have to travel the three hours to see them. And that was that. It has been several months and I have not heard a word from any of them. I guess my question is...was I wrong for telling them that they couldn't take my son out alone after only two visits with him? I don't feel that I was, but I am floored that they would cut off all contact like this. My son hasn't said a word about any of this. He hasn't asked to see them or even mentioned them at all. Should I just let sleeping dogs lie and forget about it? I am tired of being the one who has had to beg, email and call these people repeatedly for the past few years to try and get them to see my son in the first place.
quankanne Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 frankly, your concerns are not unfounded – while they may be your child's relatives, you don't know them, and you'd be remiss to let him go off with them unattended. You did the right thing in refusing to allow her to be alone with someone he doesn't know. at which point, I'd say follow your son's lead. If he's not overly upset about not seeing them, you shouldn't be either. After all, he's old enough to have input, and soon will be able to decide on his own what kind of relationship he wants. that said, maybe also think about keeping up with them in a semi-active way. I'm sure photos (school, etc) would be appreciated by the family. This way, you let them know that you feel the relationship is important, and hopefully, they'll see this as a means of keeping open the doors of communication with him. It also saves your butt a bit in that you cannot be called unreasonable when you're going out of your way to share him with them in a manner suitable for the relationship.
Clep Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I would just leave the situation. It seems from what you are saying they are more worried about a power struggle than they are about your son. I think you were very wise not to let them take your son anywhere without a custody order. Good thinking Email can be used in the future to share with them maybe once a month or so how your son is doing and send pictures and such. It would be pretty hard for them at a later date to try to take you to court saying you were unwilling to allow them access to your son or to provide them with information about them. I would not suggest meeting them though. Having them in and out of the picture can cause abandonment issues for your son. I hope he is doing well with everything going on.
Jade 02 Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 It takes any man to be a farther,But it takes a REAL MAN to be a dad:)
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