stace79 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Okay this is probably just venting but feel free to add your two cents. I was engaged through October 2009. Engagement ended due to long distance and a bad, bad pregnancy ending with miscarriage Halloween weekend. I have a friend, J, whom I've known 12 years, about since high school. When things got really bad in my R, I would call him to talk some times. He was particularly helpful talking about having a baby, b/c he is a single dad. In the past we had a sexual relationship, but never a commitment; just FWB. After the engagement ended and the miscarriage, J and I started talking more and he came out to a party I was at. It was purely platonic then, but the next day we hung out again and we had sex. I told J I was just wanting to be friends and get myself right before jumping into anything serious with anyone else, but that it was important if he was sleeping w/ or dating anyone else that we not be intimate for health reasons. I don't want to be a homewrecker nor risk getting an STD. (Obviously we use condoms but still...) I met a female friend of his, A, and she and I started hanging out more, too, as I want to make more friends. My circle was pretty limited while I was engaged -- my whole world was about my ex. Well in several conversations over time it comes out that she believes J is dating her. I confront J about this ASAP and he says she is JUST his friend, they never had sex, and she has told another girl this. He believes it is her way of "scaring off" other girls who like him and get close to him. I accept that as he's my friend and I trust him. Moving forward over the next four weeks or so, she posts pictures of them on Facebook and he blows off plans with me for her several times. The whole thing just seems shady. He said he was spending New Year's Eve with his grandma, but yet she now posted pics of him at a party with her, AND some other girl had pics of the two of them on New Year's Eve, too. A had pics of him at a birthday party of our mutual friend, and she's sitting on his lap and stuff. These are definitely NOT "just friends" type pictures. I believe the solution now is to just move on. But:it hurts that I thought he was a good friend, and now I've just been treated like some skanky girl he picked up in a bar.it makes me mad that he couldn't be honest with me -- I get that we weren't in a R but is it so much to ask someone to be honest if you're intimate?i feel really bad for A b/c she has become somewhat of a friend, and she either has no clue what J is doing or she ignores it.Additionally he told me the first day we hooked up again (beginning of Dec) that he always had feelings for me and could see himself married to me. I agreed I'd always had feelings for him too but wasn't ready for any serious R after just being engaged and in a 3.5 year R. The whole situation just makes me irritable and like I can't even trust my guy FRIENDS, much less guys I date.
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